Would you judge self harm scars?

I self harmed as a teenager, DS has self harmed, I've known many, many people who have in my personal life and through work.

Honestly? I don't judge, I don't even think about it or wonder why. I might look if it catches my eye, but my thought is literally just 'oh, self harm scars'.

Can it be triggering? Sometimes yes, but that's my issue to deal with, not anybody else's. I'm responsible for myself.

My scars aren't severe, but I often tend to cover them for my comfort. I was a fan of the Manic Street Preachers as a teenager, and never wanted the self harm to be connected with that. It was nothing to do with the music I liked, it was the other way round.

Me too. I self harmed at 14 for the sole reason that the guitarist from the manic street preachers did. I thought I was cool, carving words and quotes from books into my arms like he did. I used to go to gigs and get attention and drinks bought for me (at 14!) by people who treated me like I was the coolest thing ever.

So while I do understand where you are coming from, I still wouldn’t expect people to cover up.

If I saw your scars id know you have been through trauma and I would guess it was in your earlier years.
Im not saying I dont care because that sounds callous but im saying it would have no impact on how I would treat you.
I would treat you with respect, same as everyone else.

Thank you. I haven’t actually SH in over a decade.
I’m very aware of the effect showing scars can have as I remember as a teen and young adult finding it extremely difficult when confronted with the scars of others. It was seeing cuts and scars on other people that actually put the idea into my head to try it in the first place when I was only 14 years old.
Due to my experiences I’m unable to simply not think about the impact I could have by showing my scars.

I would think you were amazing for having overcome all that. The strongest people are those that have survived despite their own brain being against them ❤️

I’d note them, but not judge them. The same way I would notice burn scars, surgery scars, tattoos or piercings.

So you might get “a look” from me in that my eyes might catch and linger more than if there was plain skin, but only because my brain is noticing then I’d move on pretty quickly with absolutely no judgement. (And I’m a pretty judgy person 😂)

I'd see you out and about enjoying life and be pleased for you. And perhaps seeing you living your best life (sorry for the awful expression) will give a bit of hope to others who are still suffering.

I think it's interesting that some posters have said they would never dream of judging someone based old self-harm scars, and would actually admire them for having "come through it" but they would judge someone for appearing in public with visible recent self-harm injuries.

The implication seems to be that it's ok to have had mental health struggles and good for you, you're so brave, you're a warrior etc. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of...as long as it's firmly in the past and you've sorted your life out. BUT if you're in the midst of a dark time right now, that is still shameful actually and we'd rather not know about it. Better to keep that part of yourself a secret and hide away until you're a 'normal' functioning member of society again. Then you can come back and we'll all think you're "brave".

OP, do whatever helps you feel comfortable. It's your choice. My personal view would be that life is too short to feel hot and uncomfortable in long sleeves because some people are afraid of what they don't understand. But you don't have to be "brave" if you don't feel like it, you don't owe anyone anything. Wear what you feel good in.

No. I’d feel sympathy

I’d feel less alone about mine and feel a ‘kinship’

I'm sorry, BeigeCardigan. Your feelings are valid. I do agree with pp that people shouldn't feel compelled to cover up for the sake of others, but at the same time it's upsetting and unfair that can make things more difficult for you.

"Mummy, why does that lady have those marks on her arms?"

"I don't know, something must have happened when she was younger but it's none of our business, and we should never ask people about scars or marks on their bodies because that's not polite"

Then change the subject

It doesn't need to be the big, complicated conversation that some people on this thread are so scared of having.

That seems unecessary. When my son was in reception, the TA had very visible self-harm scars on her arms. My son used to say she ‘had stripes on her arms’ and no further explanation was needed. If he’d asked for more, I’d have said she’d scratched herself or something.

I wouldn't. But maybe some snobs from some fancy commuter town might do?

I've got some. Loads of people I know do. The only reason someone could be alarmed would be if they were very fresh and recent and literally bleeding.

I did go through several significant traumatic events, but I still second this entirely. Being seen as 'different' in a sympathetic way, and having people making 'positive' judgements and assumptions, is just as unwanted as people judging in a negative way.

What about thinking about it as an opportunity to explain to your children if they ask questions that some people have unhappy times at different points in their life but can come out the other side?

And that people have different coping mechanisms which we should be respectful of and not be judgemental about things we don't understand.

And that’s okay. You can chose not to be around someone for any reason you like.

I know that many people have done that to me for the same reasons.

But, they are missing out on me and that’s a shame as I’m fucking hilarious and throw fantastic parties.

Op, more than what would the other people think, I think the big question is how would you feel? You make a fair point when you made the drugs sign analogy, so my advice would be that if you feel strong and confident to let the world know that happened in your past but you are, as they can see, in a more content and self confident time of your life, go and enjoy the party wearing whatever you want.

However, if you are likely to end up wondering if the scars are the reason why the arse of the neighbourhood was not friendly towards you or that the mum discussing her disappointment with her children lowered her voice when you got close… then just cover them until you are strong and ready to deal with any reactions you may get.

It is not so much about what they may think but what you will think.

i wouldn’t want my kids to see your scars or have to explain the concept of self harm to them while they don’t know about it. You’d put me in a difficult position so I’d avoid you.

DP's just walked out the front door to go to the shops. He's wearing a shirt with the sleeves rolled up.

He has many, many scars. Every day he doesn't cover himself out of shame or fear of what other people might think of him is another day further away from the place he was in. Some people who have noticed have assumed that he was in an accident, some realise.

There may be a small handful of utter cunts that see them, recognise them and think badly of him for either having them in the first place or, worse, for daring to have arms. But they are utterly inconsequential. Because they are utter cunts.

I'd imagine that they'd had some difficult times for whatever reasons when they were younger. I'd then imagine and hope that those times were in the past, and also be pleased they felt able to wear short sleeves.

The thing is, people will talk behind your back about anything.

Everyone has gossiped at some point in their life about the way someone looks, acts, speaks - the list goes on. Anyone who says they have never gossiped is a liar, or should contact the Vatican to get the sainthood going.

Yeah, something visible is going to make it easier to gossip.

I am only on the earth for a short time, I will not hide anything about myself so people don’t talk about me - Becuase they will anyway.

I respect your position obviously - you are not me, but really, if it wasn’t your scars, it would be something else at some point.

I would feel sorry for them as it indicates they had a very tough time in the past. I wouldn't judge.

No, you’ve just been told that people won’t change their behaviour so they don’t accidentally trigger you to self harm.

That’s not shaming you.

But people will not cover up to spare your feelings.

Personally I cover mine up where possible.
I do find people don't say anything to my face but definitely judge & talk about behind my back.
Some people ask outright what happened & I feel pressured to explain. Some people will keep pushing making it awkward. They also make a lot of assumptions eg attention seeking, manipulative & personality disordered.

You shouldn't feel like that and if you feel resilient enough to do it anyway but you need a thick skin.

As Ive got older (late 40's now) & not around
children & pressures of the school mum crowd, I care a lot less what people think.