AIBU to think my sister is resentful since I had a baby?

Meh - a baby is a baby. Of course the OP will have changed as a result and perhaps the sister just isn’t interested? New parents can be a tad intense (and rightly so!) and it’s hard trying to maintain a relationship when their life has changed so drastically

You have taken a different life path. A lot of posters might say it’s because she wanted kids etc but it’s more likely that she didn’t want them and she has backed away because she’s not interested.

Does she have a point about your parents, do you think?

You sound like the "carer" in the family- you've cared for your Mum through cancer, you've given your sister lifts as she doesn't drive, etc. Now you're caring for your baby and you can't be as available as you previously were.

I admire your selflessness, @Travellingpantss, but be careful, you can't be there for everyone. I think your sister has to accept this as she's the person who least needs your support IYSWIM. She obviously doesn't like it, but it's tough luck, your baby and unwell Mum take precedence over a healthy 44-year-old. Longterm, perhaps it's a good thing that your relationship has changed?

Nobody who chooses not to have them likes them THAT much. Why do you think that's some sort of insult?

People can choose to be child free for a multitude of reasons, it's very narrow minded to assume all child free women don't like kids

The parents thing is silly.

But…do you talk about the baby all the time? And expect her to do the visiting? As that is really annoying

If not, she is being petty.

I would guess that this is more about the role you play in her life changing than anything else. She probably misses the carefree days.

She shouldn’t be taking that out on you though.

I think I would just try to rebalance the relationship to something new over time and see what comes of it.

A lot can change over the next few years as your baby grow up.

I’m a parent and I don’t want to hear about babies midnight blowout or how they finally took 6oz either 😅

This, why are posters intent on inferring that the OP's sister is jealous? Why are some parents unable to comprehend that we are not jealous in the slightest, we are simply sick of listening to a one-sided monologue of baby talk that certain parents- not all I hasten to add- inflict on us. We have chosen not to have them for a reason and are happy and fulfilled in our choices not to. I do believe that there is some serious underlying resentment from parents who insist we must be plagued with jealously when other women procreate around us.

I can understand childfree by choice people getting bored with someone talking about babies. I used to find it tedious when women who had just had babies came in to work (either visiting with the baby, or when they came back after maternity leave,) and talked about them, often to women who had already got them. I didn't have any at the time and wasn't planning any, anytime soon. I was like 🙄😴

What I do NOT understand is someone who cares so little about their own SISTER'S baby, like, their own NIECE. Being so rude, and caring so little is odd, when it's close family. JMO but I find the OP's sister's behaviour very rude and odd, and personally, I would be giving her a wide berth. See if she can find anyone else who is enough of a mug to give her lifts all the time!

As I said earlier, she sounds resentful, and jealous...

If she’s child free by choice, why would she be jealous or have any ‘what if’ thoughts.
Some people really, really don’t want children.

When I had my first baby, I realise now my dsis was terribly jealous. She was in a position with her career that meant that it would have been really awkward to have children and so I wasn't expecting her to be jealous at all as it was "her choice".

But also dm had a couple of friends who chose to be child-free, to the point the lady had her tubes tied. They admit now that the period from about 42-50yo they really struggled with the decision - they even had their tubes untied and tried ttc at about 45 in hope that they might conceive - they didn't.
They think it's because when they made the decision it was very much "oh well, if we change our mind..." whereas they suddenly realised at that age that they didn't have a possibility of changing their minds.

If she is childfree by choice presumably she has little interest in kids so why would you think she’d be over the moon about yours?

presumably you can’t give her lifts anymore so she doesn’t ask.

It sounds like you’re besotted with your baby (as you should be) but can’t comprehend that not everyone feels the same way.

Give her grace. As much as she loves you all dealing with jealousy and what ifs isn’t easy. She will come round. For now give her space. It’s human to feel jealous. Just want you do with it

She’s told me twice that I talk too much about DD then when she realised that was quite rude she tried to pass it off as a ‘joke’.

This isn't really rude imo.

Almost every new mum I know (and I fully include myself) talks way to much about their baby.

In the end I had to make a conscious effort to reign it in, as I realised I was boring some people.

Maybe she doesn't make the effort with your parents because she has felt like this for a long time? Would you make the effort with someone that makes you feel less important than the other people there?

I know you don't think you are the favourite - but have you made any effort to see why she does?

I'm childfree (by choice) and some friendships fell off when friends had babies, because it can be difficult to retain meaningful friendships with new parents when you don't have kids yourself. This is by no means true of all new parents, of course.

On my side, it can be exhausting having to listen to parents talk about their children like they're the only thing in the world, you can't have proper conversations because you're constantly interrupted because the parents have to attend to the baby, nobody asks about you or your life because all they want to talk about is the baby, nobody wants to do anything without their baby, sometimes you get those 'you'll never know love like this' or whatever comments which are so patronising, and more besides. I can't relate to baby stuff, because I don't have kids and I'm just not that interested in seeing hundreds of photos of a baby doing nothing in particular or listening to parents talk about baby woes while never having any interest in anything happening in my life.

I get that this is natural behaviour, and that they just had the most important thing in the world come into their lives. I'm always delighted for my friends who have their much-wanted babies. But it does change the dynamic significantly - new parents often just don't care much about anything outside of their babies, and your sister may be struggling with that and grieving the relationship with you that she's lost. Meanwhile, you couldn't care less because you just had a new baby and everything's probably about the baby and she's feeling all kinds of things. Both sides are valid here.

I mean the relationship was always likely to change once one of you had a baby.

You probably do go on and on about your dd just as every parent does when they have a new baby it’s pretty normal.

However a child free by choice 44 year old who is used to shopping, lifts and fun holidays with her sister isn’t going to be interested in much baby talk after the first couple of conversations.

People humour the 24/7 baby this baby that, can’t do that cause baby. Because they hope the old you or a version of will return at some point once the new babyitus wears off. Others just cannot tolerate someone who basically only talks about their baby and will pull away or pull you up on it.

The favourite thing will be her own insecurity as you’ve been there helping, live with them and now yeah you do have the first grandchild.

Going forward well it depends how much you want to salvage the relationship. She clearly isn’t a going to be that fun loving aunty. I’d expect that she would give gifts and card and come on big occasions but otherwise have a sister and sister relationship without the baby being involved.

Op, I don't mean this badly, but you probably do talk too much about your daughter. She's currently the centre of your world. It's not a criticism - I did too.

But the lives of the people around you haven't changed in the yours has. Naturally some people will be more interest in your child than others, some will have more patience to listen to it, and some will understand this phase. However others will be less interested, and some will be willing to voice that.

There's loads of possibilities as to why your sister doesn't want to know.

I think a conversation might be useful - but go into it with an open mind and be willing to listen to her, and try to understand her point of view. Confronting her is not going to help the situation.

Playing devil's advocate, is there any chance she finds you a bit of a virtue signaller trying to score brownie points with others? Your whole post is essentially a list of all of the noble, virtuous things you have done for other people, including her. You depict yourself as the caring daughter who is always helping. My sister is like this with my parents and enlists herself to always be the one helping and dictates what everyone does at family gatherings. It is insufferable, I do an internal eye-roll and I've had to leave the room before when it became too overbearing.

The saintliness combined with the baby talk sound completely unbearable to me as a childfree by choice person. Many childfree people have made an active, conscious choice not to procreate; if she has reached 44 with no children in the family it must be a massive change for her. It must be challenging having to listen to her sister monologue about the baby when she has nothing to add to the conversation.

She doesn’t sound great but then you having the expectation of her being over the moon about having a niece is also quite off the mark. If she’s childfree by choice then she’s not going to start loving babies and all they bring. You are at very different stages of life now.

She does sound resentful. But confrontation will achieve nothing. She probably doesn’t even know why she’s resentful. She also sounds deeply selfish and a little bit aggrieved that your attention has been taken away.

You having a child may also be shining a spotlight on her choices. Certainly I have several friends of that age without children but I can’t think of one where it has been anything other than a creeping non-choice or, in one incident confessed to in a fairly drunk moment talking about her divorce after 26 years with a very controlling man, a choice pretty much exerted by their husband - when she’s sober it’s reframed as it’s what I wanted and I could never imagine having children

Whatever her reason you just need to leave her alone to work out her own shit.

Yes, all of my siblings are childfree by choice. I don’t expect them to be agog about my child.

Oh gosh, @Travellingpantss your sister is sounding worse as you go on! She may be older than you, but she sounds fickle, unreliable, childish, and a bit of a user. I would not only give her some space, I would give her a very wide berth. For quite a while. Until she starts to grow up a bit!

You say you work with her. I think it's quite important that you try to find another job so that you're not working with her anymore. I don't think working with family is a good idea, and I would never do it myself. (I have done so in the distant past some 3 decades ago and it didn't work out for various reasons! I would never do it again!) Working with anyone I am related to, is not my idea of fun, but that's just me I guess...)

All the best. xx