AIBU to think my sister is resentful since I had a baby?

She might just be finding it s bit boring op
Your priorities have shifted and that’s fine, but you won’t be the same person you were before or as available for trips etc. Your sister found that hard most likely
I had dc young and a lot of my friends fell off the radar. At first I was really hurt but now I realise we were just at difference stages.
Now my kids are grown and lots of my friend have little DC I often spend less time with them. I need adult conversation these days, not to hang out with other peoples kids
I kind of get how your sister feels- my sisters ds gf is having a baby and it’s like the second coming. All of our family groups are dominated by daily questions and updates about the pregnancy. While this is normal, it also feels that family members don’t give a fuck about anything else
I keep getting messages about have I checked in with the pregnant couple but tbh the whole thing bores me
Just accept the way things are now and see if they shift again in the future

OP, unlike your sister, accept things have changed.
Do not confront her.
It is a good thing that you are no longer so close to such a spectacularly selfish, self absorbed toddler.

Invest in others, make mum friends and enjoy your baby.

She is unreasonable but you can't change her.

Confronting will change nothing.
This is who she is.

Do not try and resume lifts etc.

Time she found someone else to be her taxi driver.

I couldn't possibly comment on this fairly without hearing her perspective.

Yes but many, many people who choose not to have children simply do not like children. The whole "oh I love spending TIME with children I just don't want any of my own" is often a polite lie.

Many childless, by choice, people get fed up if parents bang on endlessly about their children, and she perhaps feels you have nothing much else to talk about other than that. Which is understandable, but of little interest to her.

Change that to new parents don't have energy for anything else, I'm waiting to give birth to my very much wanted 3rd child and at the same time realising with a sick feeling, more sleepless nights and constant breastfeeding.
You best believe I'd love to be able to occasionally get out of the house and spend time without a baby, but that ain't gunna happen realistically until baby is about a year
So yeah
What else am I gunna talk about except how tired and exhausted I am 🤣

You having your baby is definitely not the problem..your sister is. Having your dd has just highlighted that your dsis is a self absorbed , entitled person. She was like that before you had your baby but maybe it's only now that you are realising this. She is probably feeling guilty for not helping with your Mum, not visiting often etc. But she has made her bed. Id give her a wide berth. Enjoy your dd 🥰

Do not "confront" her. It will serve no gain. Just sounds like those moments in reality TV where the producers set people up on a topic and the participants say "I just need to have it out with her once and for all" (cue massive argument that has no benefit to anyone or progress on the issue at hand)

The parental favouritism thing - is she mistaking closeness for davouritism? Obviously as the one caring for your parents you will naturally have a closer relationship

A little self absorbed there are we?

Why paint what is probably a complicated, complex relationship into an unpleasant binary?

Women with children will talk about them. Career women will talk career. Women with a new man will talk about him. Basically - women, and men will share their current experience of life with those close to them. It is not abnormal.

Before I had my children I was always delighted for friends who had a baby but sad too.

Happy for them, and happy to watch them transform.

My sadness was about the (necessary) recalibration of our relationship.

Observing you with the baby may hold some uncomfortable feelings for her.

Be generous.

My cousin was just like that. She became completely nasty and aggressive after having a baby. Maybe it was postnatal depression? Can you have tat for years afterwards. I fell out with her for good when her baby was 18 months

How long ago did this happen? I thought the relationship between DSis and I was irreparably damaged after she became a mother because she was utterly vile to me - angry, judgemental, bitter, superior, you name it. It’s like she had a personality transplant.
However once she was out of the trenches and her child was about 6 or 7, she changed - not quite back to her old self, but much nicer. We are on good terms now.

Your cousin may just be going through a phase and adjusting to motherhood.

Many people aren’t interested and that’s fine.

(It always makes me laugh when people talk about ‘meeting’ a baby though, as if it’s an interactive experience 😬) - I think that might just be me though 🤣

Then again, so many people on here say they are not interested in other people’s children, only their own. 🤷‍♀️

Childfree people do understand but that doesn’t mean we want to be around when it happens as it’s hard to fake an interest if you don’t have it. (And babies aren’t exactly interesting unless they are yours 😳)

Better and less stressful for all concerned if the parent is surrounded by people who are interested in their new life, surely.

The PP was right though - as unpalatable as some may find it, plenty of people don’t have children because they aren’t interested in them. Surely it’s more logical than people assuming fertility issues!

Not sure why it’s difficult to believe. To stay close to a new parent you have to have a massive interest in their baby otherwise you have nothing in common.

Many people prefer not to be around that. It varies.

@Sartre In this particular case, I think it's more that the OP isn't as useful to her now for lifts! I agree that some people do change significantly when they have children though, which can be difficult.

This is such a strange comment. Lots of people choose not to have children not because they don’t ‘like them very much’ but because of many other reasons. Many people enjoy spending time with their family and friends who have children but just don’t want their own - it might be because they don’t feel they can give a child a good life, because they don’t want to give up their career, free time, hobbies, financial stability etc etc.

People definitely change when they have children. I got along fine with my cousin before she had a child. After she had a child she was much more angry and much less tolerant. She seemed to think that every thing I did was me setting out to upset her daughter. She didn't make sense a lot of the time, I remember that she shouted at me in front of her daughter and then she said to me later "how dare you make me shout at you in front of my daughter. My daughter shouldn't have had to hear that."

People change when they have children. You don’t really notice it much but those around you see it. Some people can deal with the change, others really can’t. It’s obviously more difficult for childless people to understand. She doesn’t like who you have become.

I had this but with a cousin. She genuinely didn’t want children (so I know it wasn’t a secret jealous thing) and actually didn’t like children - even mine. Could not get her head around why I would have them. She would make out there comments too. We just drifted, things are super busy with kids and spare time is very rare. She sees my kids minimally too and that’s fine.
I’ve never confronted it. It’s just life and wouldn’t achieve or change her feelings.

Your sister sounds like a child herself who expects everyone to look after her. She sounds utterly pathetic.

What do you expect to achieve?

If you are wrong, it will end badly and sour your relationship.

If you are right, it will end worse, because if she is resentful/struggling with you having a child (which is a perfectly understandable reaction...) then being called out and confronted about it won't make it any better, and will likely blow up the situation.

Honestly, just be the bigger person, and ignore it. If you are right and she is struggling with a new baby in the family, then just give her time. it will likely get better as it becomes more normal and lives move on. You have a lovely child, focus on that and not what other people are thinking/doing.

@babyproblems I agree. The OP should let her sister live her life and she lives hers. She can't be the same as she used to be, providing lifts, etc. The parental favouritism (if it exists) isn't something that the OP can control tbh.

Honestly just let live. She doesn’t owe you anything really - she doesn’t have to be much in your child’s life. Families change as time passes and this is another chapter. You have a young child - it’s quite normal for you to be focussed on your child when they’re small and others to not be very involved with you. It’s sad but I think it’s normal. She might be a wonderful aunty when your child is 10. You can’t say. Just leave her be and live the life you want. Don’t burn bridges etc and think of the long game.