DH hobby - AIBU?

@sanctuary86 was cricket the reason his first marriage failed?

Also, you have a teenager so you have experience of spending time with a toddler so knew what you were getting yourself into when you decided to do it all again.

If he does shifts and you work, is it one of those situations where your child is in childcare mon-Fri 9-5 to cover your hours as his shifts move all over the place and can’t be predicted?

if so he probably gets a lot more childfree time than you do as there will be times when he’s off while your child is in childcare.

what about your teens? You say he has a teen and you have a teen from a previous relationship. Does he not see his teen at all on Saturdays or are they left with you?

My son gave up cricket and marathons because they didn’t fit with family life

His son’s cricket is now taking a lot of time

Your husband’s cricket isn’t every Saturday of the year, and he could be home earlier

It does seem to be a bit obsessive, arguably better than golf

You should be able to have a summer holiday

The cricket season isn’t all year round, book your holidays for when he’s not playing or tell him to pick one match that he’d be happy to miss and do it that week. Then he has control of which one is missed.

Alternatively, go Sunday to Friday on holiday.

I completely understand your point of view however hobbies like this (especially for men) are a bit of a life line with mental health etc.

You should definitely be given time to yourself else where. He should be picking up the slack and returning the favour by getting the kids out on a Sunday morning or doing a school pick up and taking them swimming and out for tea or something similar.

Also he should be making the effort to be present and having quality time with you all when he’s not at cricket to make up for the big chunk of time he’s spending away.

You’re not unreasonable for feeling the way you do and he’s not unreasonable for wanting to continue his hobby. You need to compromise and meet in the middle. Maybe sometimes he doesn’t hang around afterwards for post match drinks and catch up, maybe sometimes he’ll plan a special family day for the Sunday for you all. It needs to be a bit of give and take.

Get a week day evening hobby

I share your pain. Husband trail hunts so is gone every Saturday between September and May 7am till 6 and often evenings in the week too.

You married a cricketer. You must have known this was something important to him and now you are trying to change him.

I appreciate that his hobby is very important to him, but how much time is he actually getting with his children, if he's doing this? Does he make an effort to spend extra time with them on other days when the seasons on? Does he try and do a bit of extra around the house on the other days to make sure you arent ending up doing it by default because you are the one whose there?

The cricket season isn’t all year round? Why ‘never’ a Saturday? Either way YABU, you knew the deal from the start, and your toddler won’t be small and challenging forever. This is nothing like being a single parent

This is why DH chose to give up cricket... he daid he was missing too much family life when the children were young.

He isnt unreasonabke to want a hobby. Some areas have a midweek league which might be a good compromise?

Is there something you can do just you and toddler on Saturdays?
Make it your own little routine?
Swimming lesson, or a trip to the library, toddler soft play and lunch in a cafe after, or picnic lunch in the lounge when you get home?
I get that it might feel alot, but it is just a few months and you get Sundays together (I presume, you haven't said you don't).
I appreciate it might feel like he is choosing to spend time away from you, and thats tough.
Lots of families dont have full weekends together for various reasons.
My OH works long days and unpredictable shift patterns, so is often working one or both of the weekend days.

YABU referring to yourself as feeling like a single parent as you’re on your own for one day a week 4 months of the year .

Presumably some is the social aspect after…. The matches don’t go on til 9 pm right? I’d be asked that every other match, honestly and away, he comes home for family dinner.

as others has said this assumes there is a season as well so say for 4 months of the year you could in theory also have every Saturday off should you want.

now I wouldn’t condone actually doing it as it would be spiteful (unless you also have something you’ve done since you were 5 but recently had to give up for childcare) and would affect your family time as a unit if 3 or 5

Presumably out of season you get the same number of Saturdays to yourself ? Or get to choose the activities you do as a family?
That would be an acceptable compromise possibly?
When our DC was young DH had exams that took up half the year with revision etc. It’s not the same but comparible.
I use to take the children away myself. Maybe see if there are any other cricket widows that might like to team up or swap childcare sometimes?
I agree that this would be difficult to cope with but on the other hand it’s not a new hobby for him.

Cricket season is pretty short compared to other sports.

You get 6 months of him avaliable on Saturdays, use them.

This is what I came here to say - if he's in a team, he's in a team. It's not like playing squash where you can have a knockabout with a mate or decide to enter or not enter a tournament. It's about being part of the team and everything that goes with that. Plus isn't cricket a late spring-summer thing? So four months or so? I totally understand your frustration, but if it's his only hobby, it's keeping him fit and healthy, then I think it's fair enough really. It sounds like you both need to therefore make the most of your Sundays for the third of a year when his sport commitments have him occupied on Saturdays.

I doubt many teams are going to be keen on keeping someone on the team if they only play home matches.
It is only part of the year. Take the initiative in terms of planning Sundays, whether that's family days out or you getting a bit of "me time".

I think it's reasonable once a week for him to do his hobby, especially as he's done it since being a child. Spend some time with your family/friends or join some clubs and do things together on a Sunday.

He can’t miss all the away games that would be very unfair on his team

I think there’s a lot of other factors bearing on this:

firstly if you both work, then if you do tit for tat and go out all Sunday there is literally no family time at all. At one point myself and my dh were like that as him going out in his hobby pissed me off so I took a day and we never did anything as a family. I felt a lot better for it though.

if you are a sahm and it’s you and toddler all the time then you do need some time to yourself but not necessarily Sunday - consider preschool or nursery.

I agree with previous posters, go out every Sunday