DH hobby - AIBU?

Had a friend whose dh played cricket, football as well as other sports and was missing every weekend throughout the year. Even had to get married on a Friday in February to avoid the matches. Totally selfish and even now in retirement still refuses to go on holiday during the cricket season.

@sanctuary86 you need a hobby from October to March every Saturday and he looks after ds.
Do you think he would agree to it? I don’t.

He is a selfish cunt.

There are three, in fact four, pillars here which need his time.
Time for him, time for you, time to be together as a family, time for his teen.

It's funny how often he works Sundays, but I guess never Saturdays.

He can't afford to play cricket every Saturday, he should look for a part time cricket arrangement.

But he already had a child when you met so you’d seen that this hadn’t stopped him playing every Saturday. Why did you think he’d be different with a child he had with you?

Does he take the car when he plays, leaving you without easy transport?
What would annoy me (as well as all the other points raised), is the assumption that you’re the default childcare without your real consent. It’s just assumed that he can do whatever he wants and you’ll conform. Yes, I know it’s your child so childcare is part of the package but it doesn’t appear to be part of his
package and that’s not fair.
It would also piss me off all these people suggesting to go along and watch. I would rather chew my own arm off than spend hours doing that. Why do men think we women want to adore them from the touch line? Can you imagine for one moment the average man trotting along to watch his wife do her hobby? Unless it’s pole-dancing, it just wouldn’t happen.

WTF. How is he a prick?!?

We are a cricketing family and my husband played when we first got married then gave it up as we had kids.
Now both my boys and him play on Saturdays and Sundays and I love it. Sometimes I go watch, other times I’m free to do whatever I want.
Also it’s not all year.

Exactly this. People say, "Oh you can have a career too. Oh you can have a hobby too." We don't get to just walk out and have our careers and hobbies without having to take into consideration what fits with the children and is compatible with having them in our care.

he works some Sundays.
not just being asked to spend time with his wife, but also with his young child.
when you say the op gets to do whatever she wants, you mean whatever she wants that’s compatible with also solo parenting a toddler. So very limited meandering around nice shops with your attention permanently half on dc, no sitting reading your book, no going for runs, no mental focus so that rules out interesting baking and sewing, so all the things I’d like to do with a free Saturday, so I’d get to do nothing I really want for me except for parenting, which I suspect the
op does lots of already. More than her share.

Cricket isn’t 52 weeks a year.

whats wrong with the other 6 days of the week, why can’t Sunday or another day be family time.

I think you are kind of being unreasonable expecting him to just not turn up to games to spend time with you. That makes him unreliable to his team. He has made a commitment to play. Assume he has played since prior to you being together.

You get to spend 1 on 1 time with your toddler or do whatever you want on a Saturday, visit family, shopping, the park whatever. You can have a hobby too if you see fit. Going to watch the cricket is kind of family time too & toddler will look back fonly on those memories when older

you will probably cause more issues by trying to control your husband and making him drop the cricket.

Even before opened this I knew 100000% that he would be a prick

You might not need him, but he needs you to look after his kid. Why would spending time with his family, ruin his life? He really is vile.

You feel like a single parent because your husband is busy on Saturdays? I don’t think so. You have a two adult household, both potentially working and bringing in two incomes, you have someone to share bills with, to make decisions with, to talk to, I could go on.

YANBU about the amount of time your husband is playing cricket but don’t pretend it’s anything like being a single parent.

You married a cricketer. You must have known this was something important to him and now you are trying to change him.

Well, whatever hobby, he's married with a child now. So it's selfish to leave mum and baby alone on a weekend day.
Every weekend!

Me too. Our kids simply couldn’t play the sports they do if dh is unavailable on Saturday. One kid in my dcs basketball team has a dad in real estate so he’s working Saturdays. His grandpa helps with basketball driving every Saturday so the kids can play their sport. Neither mine nor dhs parents could do that, the kids wouldn’t be able to play. Or play cricket themselves unless the dhs plan is for the op to take her ds to cricket all day Saturday while he plays his match (no fucking way would be my view on that) . You’re objectively a bad parent if you continue investing time in your hobbies that also pulls up the drawbridge and stops your dc from starting their own or even your hobby, especially if all their friends do it.

Going against the grain, but I'd find this pretty annoying too tbh, and also have a two year old. Both me and my wife work full time and have a 2yo. I'd find it deeply unfair if she (we're both women) if she spent an entire day away from us every weekend for months on end. I'd be furious on behalf of DD, who imo needs both parents. Also, there are chores, I frankly want some help parenting my toddler all day, and I want us to have family time. Unfortunately when you have children you have to make sacrifices and your life changes. Particularly if you both work full time, an entire day for 6 months is a lot of missed family time and time leaving the other parent holding the fort. I actually think if the genders were reversed in this, you'd get a lot more comments saying it's not acceptable, that toddlers need their mum, etc, etc. And not being able to book a summer holiday due to any hobby is frankly ridiculous.

My wife plays a sport. She instead plays two evenings per week, and I do the same with my hobby. One of these nights overlap and I put toddler to sleep at my mum's house and stay there. So we still spend two evenings together, and the whole weekend, and we still have tea together before the hobbies. She will occasionally do a competition on a weekend (maybe once a month during competition season, a few months of the year), and I'll have a day free to go and do my hobby (probably more like every 2-3 months, but I'll also go out for an odd morning with a friend or etc). That's how we manage and it seems a far fairer split and is better for family life. Also what will he do when your child gets older and has their own hobbies? Is he going to miss their football competition because of his own hobby? Will be better expecting you to do all the running around for any Saturday hobby for 6 months of the year? It's a period of your life when you just have less time for personal ambitions and your own hobbies, and imo when you have kids you make a choice to suck it up for a few years and make some sacrifices.

I actually can't even fathom wanting to spend an entire day away from my toddler this often. I feel like I barely see her in the week, and by the time the weekend hits, I can't wait to spend time with her.

This and draw up a rota for your child!!!
it’s hard as guessing you knew about this before you married and had a child…. As it’s not new thing.

I agree. I divorced my ex when I realised that our children were less important to him than his hobbies.

So you couldn’t deal and your dh understood this and quit for the hard baby young kid years but you recommend the Op suck it up? Out of curiosity did your dh also work some Sundays like the ops dh?

I’m in my 50s now and honestly most of my friends are jealous that my DH has hobbies. Their husbands all seem to follow them around the house like toddlers which would drive me mad!

Can't we have slightly higher expectations for everyone? I would expect my DH to BOTH be present for his children when they are young AND have enough agency to have hid own identity and hobbies in later life. It is pretty easy to nail both these simple aspects of being a fun, curious and responsible human. I don't imagine it will cause me any difficulties whatsoever in the next 10 years.

Why is your expectation lower for men??

Sounds like a brilliant guest house you are running there. Are you on Air b&b, Booking .com ?

When he is home for the day (not working) leave the child with him and go our for some "me" time. Dont you have any female friends you cn meet for shopping or a meal in town?

As a fellow cricket widow I feel your pain. When we had three small kids my DH played cricket. It did eventually get too much and was putting strain on our relationship. He quit for a few years and took up tennis which takes up much less time. He actually loves it just as much now. Now that our kids are older he has started playing cricket again for the social aspect. I’d try to find a way through it OP. I’m in my 50s now and honestly most of my friends are jealous that my DH has hobbies. Their husbands all seem to follow them around the house like toddlers which would drive me mad!

That's hilarious.

How did you get that 'neither of us parented much', from what I said.
I literally said one of us looked after the dc when the other one was doing their activity, then visa versa.

As regards our dc not benefitting - I beg to differ. I think they have grown up benefiting from seeing us involved in our communities. They have all grown up to be adults I am proud of. We have a great relationship with all of them, and all of them have lives that involve getting involved in their own communities, sports, friendships, and social lives, which I see as being really healthy.

@Booboobagins he sometimes works on Sundays so no family days for him those weekends