DH hobby - AIBU?

When are your 4 months of Saturdays happening?

My Dad was hugely involved in local football.
On Saturdays, he ran a youth team in the mornings then went from there to the team he played for. When he almost finished playing, he became Manager.
I don't remember being 2, but I do remember going to football with him for YEARS once we got to about 5. I loved it. During those Primary school years, Dad would have all of us at the football with him and Mum would either go to a matinee or just relax at home or whatever she wanted to do. Once I got into my teens and my siblings weren't so keen, it became out 'thing' that we did together. I suspect it was a challenge for my Mum when we were babies, but I think she was of the opinion that she knew that was what he did before they had us. Of course, she also went out to do her 'thing' at other times and then Dad looked after us. Football has a much longer season than cricket does.
I think the OP should look longer term. Choose to either embrace the social life around the cricket and go and get involved there, or choose to do whatever she wants to with her little one for the next 3 years or so, then allow her partner to take them when they are older.
As a parent, I was fortunate enough to work term time only so had all my dc on my own for all the holidays. I used to enjoy taking them out and about to places. I didn't feel it was a chore. It was a lovely time I look back on fondly.
We all know her partner isn't going to change from the history the OP has given, so why not reframe the way she looks at it?

Surely cricket doesn't go on every single Saturday of every single year?
You sound a little dramatic.

This man already had a child, and ex partners... all of whom he has prioritised his cricket for. Yes, life sometimes has to change when families evolve but there is nothing to suggest that this man was ever going to change. He purposely doesn't see his older child in favour of cricket, his marriage broke down in favour of cricket, why would the OP expect this to magically change for her and their shared child?

Quite. His life has changed and he must change with it

But as life situations change, hobby time automatically has to change.

He got a job. So he knows he has to work cricket around his job. Why would an adult man need to be told that when he has a child things will change? Is he stupid?

What we did at the age of 7 is not what we do as an adult. My 4 year old loves playing with Lego. His only "obligation" is three hours of playschool during school term. He can basically play with Lego and his toys the rest of the time

When he's an adult and has a job and a family will his future wife need to explain to him that actually he can't play with his Lego and vehicles and eat snacks all day on the sofa while he watches Paw Patrol?? Of course she flipping won't. And if he wanted to do that and put an AIBU up here - I want to play with my vehicles and watch Paw Patrol all day but my mean wife says she's not happy to mind our toddler for 12 hours every Saturday while I do that - he'd be told to "give his head a wobble".

So why does the "he played cricket as a child" argument get trotted out? He's not a child any more. He's neglecting his actual child.

This seems irrelevant? My dh is madly passionate about his footy team, loves music, his kids, supporting his kids to play sports- he coaches two sports for them, hopefully about me too. He played footy for many years, competitively although not at a professional level, His passions most certainly do not make him a selfish jerk and worse father like the ops partner passions do.

So what? Are you good around the house too?

Absolutely 💯 I agree
But I'm not sure what the OP is looking for really as she hasn't replied to anyone who has asked 'was this a conversation before having a child together' or 'what her expectations were' before deciding to have a child together.

I'm currently expecting and we will have 2 under 2 with a teen stepchild also. My DH is frequently out of the house and before we even tried for this baby we had lots of discussions that he would need to pull back on his extra curricular for awhile because it isn't fair for me to juggle so many bedtimes. But it was a conversation. Life automatically tends to change for women after kids and men sometimes don't get really understand it. But agree there should be some sort of compromise. Everyone is entitled to a bit of freetime too and family time is important.

Can’t believe the responses on here, OP. You’re not being unreasonable at all. Your husband is telling you that whacking a ball round with his mates is more important than you and the kids. Selfish man-child.

I don't think it's an either or situation.

Also, why does his mental health trump hers?

@BudgetBuster oh definitely written on the cards for OP.

But I was saying I would want a DH who was passionate about family life with a bit of a hobby, rather than passionate about a hobby with a bit of time for family

This.

It would different if this was something that he’d taken up recently but you married him knowing that he’s had this commitment since childhood.

My FIL was like this when DH was growing up except he wouldn’t come home afterwards, he’d go to the pub all night so he was never there at the weekend. Some of the games would go on for the full weekend as well and he also worked away all week so basically never saw his family (intentionally I think). MIL was lonely and had an affair so they divorced when DH was 18. He has poor memories of his dad as a result.

I wouldn’t stand for it personally. Hobbies are fine, I run and sometimes can be out for a couple of hours doing that at the weekend but I don’t and wouldn’t expect DH to deal with me out of the house all day every weekend. Family time is important.

Well if that was the case then the OP was clearly on notice that he qasnt going to change. She has explicitly said he doesn't see his older DC Saturdays because of cricket, and that his previous marriage ended because of cricket. I'm not sure what she expected from him now

@RedToothBrush I like a man who is passionate about family. How much time did he have with his older DC after he split with their mum? Is it good if he put cricket before the limited time he would have with them?

I like men who at least are passionate about something.

Honestly I'd rather put up with this for a few months than have a husband with no interests and be a lump of lard.
there is so much middle ground between these two options, there’s no need to accept either. My dh isn’t a lump of lard, is fit and healthy with friends and would never ever dream of taking a whole day off on the weekend for his sports for all of summer.

OP be prepared for when your DS is around 5 or 6, so significantly less hassle, your DH suddenly deciding to retire from cricket (blaming some injury or other) and now he’s available for a much easier to manage child.

Does he ever have whole days on his own with your DS?

Three things here

It's a short season
It's good for his physical health
It's good for his mental health to have male friends he will have from cricket

Yes it's a pain in the backside but it is at least a healthy hobby and it at least is only a few months a year.

Honestly it's difficult now, but when the toddler gets older it will have a few nice side effects and it will be easier.

What is important though is the making an effort on a Sunday as a family and you having some you time at some point (maybe when it's not cricket season). It needs to be given and take and an understanding that when he does this he relies on your support so he should be willing to do the same and to not take you for granted.

Honestly I'd rather put up with this for a few months than have a husband with no interests and be a lump of lard. It's good for him but he needs to realise he's not single anymore either.

I can sort of relate. Husband would play any and all sports if able, also works shifts. It felt pretty lonely at times when lids were young. We had a deal where he played cricket in summer and I played a winter sport on winter Saturday's ( hour long game, so when local was only a couple of hours out but away games far so a whole day).

He'll be miserable to give ut up. But I would make sure to get an evening/2 or winter Saturdays to yourself (he might understand your frustrations if you do this too!).

Also just make other plans with others on Saturdays..... and /or pop to the cricket to get your xhikd out and make friends with some of the families etc x

And if he gets snappy point out once divorced he can from May to September get every second Sunday with his child and just have to cancel his working those days , as no way would a woman who divorces him because he prioritises cricket over his family agree to splitting every weekend so he gets to play cricket and see his child, she deserves whole weekends with her child, nor would she be flexible on demand childcare to accomodate his working Sundays because she won’t be his wife any more so she doesn’t have to put up with being treated like a 24/7 childcare service. And his child will ask why can’t I ever go to dads for the whole weekend in summer and quickly realise the answer is daddy doesn’t want you for a whole weekend, you get in the way of the things he really cares about. Unless he gets a serious grip.

yes she read the replies, including all the ones that said he’s deprioritising his child and treating his wife badly expecting her to cover such a major piece of parenting entirely for him. Hes not offering her equivalent time, he’s not recognising he has a responsibility, he’s not available lots of Sundays either, he hasn’t shown any kind of plan for how he plans to support his own child doing sport or is that all the ops job too?

So you ask a question, read the replies & still decide that you are going to restrict his hobby.

I don’t think you have a cricket problem, I think you have realised that your DH is not the right person for you & you are using the cricket as an excuse.

if you force him to give up his cricket or reduce when he can play, you will cause him to be resentful towards you. Like you say he steps up the rest of the time. I think if you end up both being resentful of the other, family time will be awful anyway and that impacts fhe child more in a negative way than the situation now. It will also speed up the path to divorce