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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriend not considering my place in his life?

56 replies

crimsonlake · 24/05/2026 18:14

I would value some opinions on this situation...
I have been with my partner / boyfriend for 4 years, we are in a committed relationship although choose not to live together. He will do anything for me and is the nicest kindest person.
I have 2 grown up sons who live away, he also has one son who lives away.
Yesterday was his son's graduation, I must add I have only met his son a couple of times as he lives abroad.
My bf attended the ceremony some distance away. The ex wife was obviously there and I knew beforehand she was bringing her sister and a friend along.
At the time the only issue that concerned me was I felt sorry for my bf being outnumbered on his side.
During the course of the evening alone I began to dwell on the fact which had not occurred to me before that the ex was given preference and took along 2 guests whereas my bf was expected to attend alone.
Upon bf's return today I asked how it all went and since he mentioned that during the evening celebratory meal she brought along more extra guests...
I went on to mention that I felt sidelined and as a committed couple it would have been nice to have simply been extended an invite, an invite which I nonethless would have declined as I would not have wanted to make his ex uncomfortable.
His response was 'I am not ready for that'
He clearly had not considered me at all and just accepted the situation without considering my place in his life. We have been dating for 4 years I even wear a committment ring, I then asked if his son knew how long we had actually been together? Adding he would rather upset me than risk upsetting his ex wife.
The upshot is there was no argument but after a couple of hours of strained silence he asked if he should leave, I left that up to him...so he left.
I am not a demanding girlfriend, I understand family dynamics and am sensitive to such occassions as this as I had to endure my ex h attend my son's graduation ceremony shortly after divorce.
Aibu to feel the way I eventually did?

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/05/2026 18:24

YABU this event was 100% about his son, nothing to do with you at all and it would have been weird if you were there. His son’s extended family attending is great, and doesn’t give any indication of how your boyfriend feels about you at all. Sounds more like you gave him the silent treatment at the end and then wouldn’t even say if you wanted him to go or not. I’d be pissed off if I was him

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · 24/05/2026 18:24

He clearly had not considered me at all and just accepted the situation without considering my place in his life.

Well...yes?

You've met his son a couple of times. This isn't about your place in your boyfriends life and it isn't about you or his ex. You would have had had no business being there. Graduation is about the child, not the parents new partner.

I'd apologise to him if I were you. You sound slightly like you've made one of the proudest moments of his life (his son's graduation) about you - whether or not he had a good time on the day will be overshadowed by your behaviour.

crimsonlake · 24/05/2026 18:21

Good to know others opinions, as I said it was only later that I began thinking in these terms. I would have declined had an invite been offered, just feeling it would have been nice to have had the choice.

OP posts:
Silverbirchleaf · 24/05/2026 18:21

The graduation is a red herring in many ways. It’s not that event as such, as you realise it was a ‘family’ affair, but more the fact that dp doesn’t seem to consider you as his life partner.

Do you get invited to dp’s family getogether sat Christmas, Easter, birthdays, holidays, etc or are you ‘a secret’?

PoppieCock · 24/05/2026 18:20

YABU

You've only met the bloke a couple of times.

Why would he want you at this graduation?

Zanatdy · 24/05/2026 18:16

I don’t think you going to his son’s graduation would have been right. His ex may have taken along friends (and maybe people involved in his upbringing) but dad bringing a girlfriend is something altogether different. YABU.