To be absolutely depressed by parenting

The only advice I will give with your DH is to really try to have the same rules and norms with the kids.

As an example I remember during bedtime my DH would just laugh if the kids did daft shit like throwing the duvet and pillows about. I had to really kick off at him to get him to see that I couldn't manage bedtime alone if they thought it was normal to do things like that. The kids didn't understand that it was ok to mess about when there were two of us to cope with them but not when it was just me and it just meant I always ended up shouting at them. Having consistent rules is necessary.

Yeah I'm not a big believer in telling women that they should just leave their DH and they'll happily skip off into blissful single motherhood.

Well, this is the way I didn’t want the thread to go.

Because (and this will sound like a ripoff of a Rudyard Kipling poem) if DH and I earned similar amounts and if we both worked four days a week and if I didn’t work term time only (or we both did) and a thousand more ifs that might be possible.

I do know people in that position; someone I used to work with worked four days a week with Mondays off while his wife had an identical job in another school and had Fridays off so their boys were in nursery Tuesday - Thursday.

As it is, DH earns more; always has. And that work does mean he’s away a fair bit so he’s not always aware of routine and because he’s a ‘novelty’ they are always that bit more hyped up and silly with him.

So I could file for divorce. Then the following would happen.

1. we’d have to move house as we couldn’t afford this house and another.
2. I’d have to work full time
3. DS would have to leave his school as the wraparound only goes on until half four
4. I would have two unhappy, unsettled children who were clingier than normal
5. but I would probably have every other weekend off

So piling on DH does … nothing. It isn’t helpful and it inevitably turns into an attack on me for ‘putting up with it’ or being a ‘martyr’ is usually the other accusation.

The issue is very simple; I find very small children exhausting and not particularly enjoyable. That isn’t a permanent problem (hopefully) - they will grow up and be easier. One day …

Buy a bubble machine one which runs on batteries for the garden (£20 ish type thing) and plenty of bubble mix

Everyone loves a bubble

They will chase them for hours

Outdoor, no mess.

Clearly won’t solve everything

And a sprinkler for the garden - running through a sprinkler helps cool them, waters the garden and again is outdoor

Well, this is the way I didn’t want the thread to go.

Because (and this will sound like a ripoff of a Rudyard Kipling poem) if DH and I earned similar amounts and if we both worked four days a week and if I didn’t work term time only (or we both did) and a thousand more ifs that might be possible.

I do know people in that position; someone I used to work with worked four days a week with Mondays off while his wife had an identical job in another school and had Fridays off so their boys were in nursery Tuesday - Thursday.

As it is, DH earns more; always has. And that work does mean he’s away a fair bit so he’s not always aware of routine and because he’s a ‘novelty’ they are always that bit more hyped up and silly with him.

So I could file for divorce. Then the following would happen.

1. we’d have to move house as we couldn’t afford this house and another.
2. I’d have to work full time
3. DS would have to leave his school as the wraparound only goes on until half four
4. I would have two unhappy, unsettled children who were clingier than normal
5. but I would probably have every other weekend off

So piling on DH does … nothing. It isn’t helpful and it inevitably turns into an attack on me for ‘putting up with it’ or being a ‘martyr’ is usually the other accusation.

The issue is very simple; I find very small children exhausting and not particularly enjoyable. That isn’t a permanent problem (hopefully) - they will grow up and be easier. One day …

I don’t work full time. I work 2.5 days a week I am off all week as I’m a teacher.

Very very limited in the break DH can give me due to work, family commitments and some other issues I won’t mention here as not relevant. In many ways it’s easier without him as I don’t have any lingering resentment and the day can be planned according to my schedule.

I don’t work full time. I work 2.5 days a week I am off all week as I’m a teacher.

Very very limited in the break DH can give me due to work, family commitments and some other issues I won’t mention here as not relevant. In many ways it’s easier without him as I don’t have any lingering resentment and the day can be planned according to my schedule.

You can never tell or predict what will happen in the future but I’m not generally one for ‘missing’ things as life just moves on, doesn’t it?

I mean, I don’t get this. Does anybody actually want to be stuck with very small children who never age indefinitely, trapped in a world of parks and soft plays and toddler groups and so on? Waking before 6 and getting no down time and reading picture books for the rest of your life?

I do, but I’m not sure that makes life much better. It’s around 8 when they are both reliably down and then I have about an hour to eat my dinner and do anything I didn’t manage to go in the day then bed at 9. It leaves nothing, literally nothing, for personal enjoyment or pleasure. Maybe that comes later.

I have been quite blunt with the pestering and questioning. I'll tell mine, no more questions, off you go, find something to do

Well fine if they say ‘okay mummy!’ and skip off to do something else. Mine don’t; there’s an interlude of maybe thirty seconds if I’m lucky

@DaisyChain505 they can’t work an iPad alone. Even if they could that’s a road I don’t want to go down. I’m not anti screentime but a two year old unsupervised on an iPad for hours at a time is just storing up problems for the future.

It's tricky, I don't condone smacking or think that we should go back to it but I can't help but notice that we seem to find parenting harder than the generations who saw it as normal. I feel similarly about children being allowed out unsupervised at younger ages.

I have been quite blunt with the pestering and questioning. I'll tell mine, no more questions, off you go, find something to do.