To be absolutely depressed by parenting

Moving on

Move on to what though?

Nothing is changing for you at the moment.

So where are you moving on to?

Can I ask what exactly you want from this thread if you don’t want advice? Just to vent? (apologies if you’ve said that already in your OP, can’t see it right now). I agree with other posters that the problem sounds like it’s within you, maybe stress, burnout, depression, issues in your relationship. Those things are all likely exacerbated by parenting two young kids, but the stress of parenting alone won’t have caused them. I’m a single mum with young kids & have very little support, and yeah it’s insanely hard sometimes, but the joy they bring me and my love for them outweighs the tough times. And I know, like you said, everyone is different, but there are ways to learn how to cope with stress better. I can’t stand the screaming and fighting either. I just stick my AirPods in and listen to my favourite music at full blast. When we’re in the house it works a treat! (Obviously this is only when they’re playing and I’m not interacting with them directly). However if they start being rude to me, or screaming and fighting, or trying to tell tales on the other, I have been known to stick in the airpods and back away mouthing, “I can’t hear you”!

People are genuinely really trying to help. The fact you can't see that is an insight into your mental state right now.

If things really are like you say and you feel you can't change, get to the doctors for some medication. It really is outside the bounds of normal to feel relentlessly like you do. For the odd day/week here and there, yes. But every single day with the attitude you have (and I don't mean that negatively) isn't normal, sustainable or healthy for you. Therefore support is needed from somewhere, drugs, DH, therapy, paid help are all options.

I wish you all the best.

OP I hated every day of early parenting. I had a 20 month age gap between my two. They were actually pretty easy kids, did not tantrum or fight much and were reasonably biddable. I still found it relentless and boring and unrewarding. I loved them but could not relate to small children at all. The only thing that helped was time and them getting older. But you are definitely not alone!

I was much more suited to the primary school/homework years and really enjoyed the teenage period as I coped much better with those challenges. I just think we’re all perhaps suited to different parts of parenting!

Counselling and parent classes aren't just about giving advice @checktheoil , maybe you could be supported to turn things around? It can't be worse than just gritting your teeth and waiting for it to pass.

Einstein did say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Scream into the void by all means. However you do have the power to change things if you want to. Don't forget that. No matter how dark things get, or how hard they are. You can do it, and will get by.

@checktheoil - have you asked for professional support yet? Both for you as an individual (maybe counselling?) and you as a parent (parenting classes)?

It's not supposed to be this hard. Yes, toddlers are awful and 2 kids is relentless - but it's not supposed to be as hard as you're finding it. Truly, most people don't find it as hard as you do right now, not for such a prolonged period. I know that sounds awful but what I mean is maybe you need some additional support, you sound depressed, anxious and overwhelmed.

😂(Laughing at your post, not your situation) My DD was in a permanent bad mood from age 2.5 to 3.5, bloody hard going. Does get a lot better, but not much comfort when you are in the thick of it!

Don't let her pull you. If you pull her back and she slips you say "well that was silly wasn"t it? Don't try and pull Mummy next time."

Don't ask to brush her hair, say "right, sit up on the chair I need to do your hair". If she argues you plonk her on the chair and brush her hair and if it hurts because she's fidgeting that's on her.

I’m sorry that you’re finding things so hard OP.

This might be terrible advice but my DC are 5 and 2.5. I have worked quite hard at getting them to play together. Earlier on it meant we couldn’t go 5 or 10 minutes of them in a room alone without somebody screaming and me having to intervene. Eventually they worked things out because one of them would usually hurt the other and that was unpleasant for them.

They do get loads of toys out and make dens and stuff so there is mess but for example DS 5 woke up at 6:30. We sent him back to his room to do colouring he started yesterday. DD 2 woke up at 7. She and DS then went downstairs and DS got them both cereal. Me and DH still in bed. Now it’s 8:30, they came into see us at around 8, but now they’re playing in DDs room together. Some game where DS is the dad and they’ve made a space ship. I’m still in bed, DH has had a shower. We’ve almost ignored them both since 6:30 this morning and everyone is happy.

I don’t think enough of modern parenting advice includes ignore them more often 🫣 We still play with them, go places, read with them etc. but having time where we can get on and do stuff or relax makes such a difference.

It hasn’t always been easy. DD would scratch DSs face, DS when he was younger would do something really stupid/dangerous stuff. He’s the kind of kid who climb anything. They aren’t allowed to play a game where the door is closed or they’re whispering but on the whole it was really worth pushing through to get to the point where I can lie in bed and mostly ignore them.

I have a very, very tricky 4.5 year old DS. He is super spirited and will kick off at the drop of a hat. If I react in any way to a tantrum, it gets 10x worse, so yes I ignore it. That doesn’t mean I let him hurt himself or run off, but I basically act like I’ve been lobotomised whilst moving him to a safe space and I remain mute until he realises I’m not reacting and he burns himself out. I also don’t give a shit if people are watching him have a tantrum either, I’d much rather look like I’m dealing with it by removing him than by doing nothing.

I also don’t overexplain to him whilst he’s losing it, it doesn’t work, the red mist is down and he isn’t listening. I wait until he’s calm and then explain why he can’t do x/y/z and why I had to do x/y/z and what he should do next time. Then I move on and don’t hold any grudges whatsoever, because if I do he picks up on that too.

I get you I really do.

My asks at this point, after 7 years, arent massive. I would like to sleep through 7 hours the majority of nights. I would like to be able to sit and watch half an hour of TV a day with a coffee. I would like to be able to make dinner, or shit, or shower in peace without screams of MUMMY followed by the kind of high pitched scream which means they’ve hurt themselves or each other. I would like to spend a day not being kicked, or headbutted, or having my feet stomped on - all usually by accident but fuck me I’m tired of it.

I ignore it in the sense that I don't talk a load of cod psychology to them or give in to their demands. If they have to be taken back into the house or car that's done without speaking to them.

In the situation where you are by a road, you hold them, carry, pushchair, return home or to the car and ignore. What happens now?

You drag them off to somewhere safer and then leave them to it. Many a parent has had to haul a screaming child back home when things kick off.