Mum has new boyfriend, lost interest in kids

From an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense that a new man wouldn’t want to raise someone else’s kids, therefore has some sort of influence on the mothers and in turn the mother wants to procreate with a man who is going to stick around and help her raise his children.

Children often aren’t mums top priority though, many mums struggle to bond with their baby and many find parenthood an absolute drudgery. I don’t think hormones play as big a role as we imagine nor do I think a maternal bond or instinct comes naturally to many people. Mums tend to be primary carers because their socialised to be, and I guess their attention can be pulled in exactly the same way as a man.

Equally people can bond with and have deep love for children they have no biological (hormonal) link to.

I was reading something about two little boys abandoned by their mother and her boyfriend and someone commented that the biggest factor in child abuse or murder is if the mother gets a new boyfriend. I don't know if that's true but if it is then you're definitely right that it should be studied to see how this happens, how it can be predicted, support, changes etc.

Ive seen it loads to. New man, lots of baby sitting requests. Ignore kids while on phone the whole time. Buy new outfits when they cant afford new shoes for kids.
Someone even asked to babysit for two weeks while they went on holiday (she'd known him for a month)

3 that i know all had not the best upbringing.

I did it somewhat too will admit that. But more like can you watch kids for an hour for a coffee date after a few coffee dates id sneak out in an evening while babysitter was downstairs and kids asleep (still feel guilty for it)

It's not down to hormones - if you're the type that prefers to be in a partnership to face society, bill paying and life, then you'll probably be successful in that endeavour. Moreso given the LTB mentality as a cure all that aids the pool of available men also needing to form a new partnership too. The increase in blended families does evidence this a bit.

I'm not of such a 'needy' personality myself but I do believe that most of these newer/2nd partnerships don't result in CSA/child neglect, etc.

Problematic in other ways, often yes, but not usually to extremes.

There were two somewhat neglected children at my primary school - they smelt, basically, although they did turn up at school so Mum clearly had some idea. I remember seeing the Mum
at some kind of school picnic and she was canoodling with a boyfriend. This was really not what the mums we knew did - they stayed at home and cooked for our dads. Happily we’ve moved on from that limited set of possibilities for women but I feel so sorry for those kids - everyone was mean to them at school because they stank and had no manners and Mum just ignored them to snog her boyfriend. I think he was horrid to them as well.
So sad.

Being a single mum means you get judged so much. I've had a tough time throughout my life but have never been so disrespected as when people find out i'm a single mum

For some women, their life changes when they get married and theyre seen as more respectable

Then when the inevitable issues of forcing some man to be your kids dad arise, the woman decides her kid is to blame for being naughty

Kids dont need a father figure more than they need a sane and strong mum, who fucking wants them

We're too far advanced in society to not see the damage bringing a man into your home is doing to your kids. Just be a single mum and embrace your kids!

Reducing motherhood to hormones is reductive and misses vast swathes of socialisation, trauma, lots of things that affect relationships.

My take? If women weren’t trained from birth to centre men’s needs and feel like they are failures without one, and society wasn’t set up to be hard for single women in particular, you’d reduce this issue by more than half immediately. Hormones or no.

I don't lnow how much is hormonal and how much is therapy - often these women didn't have happy upbringings, they're following a toxic pattern they can't break and need male attention to feel worthy, in need of therapy - its like how some women can't just be happy and single without always needing some man

I think women who do this have personality disorders and are narcissistic people.

No mother who genuinely loved her children would dream of doing this.

Many men do it with ease.
Even men that "love" their children, happily put themselves first.
Its just who they are.

Not all men, sure. But a lot of them.
Even men who consider themselves good fathers, just somehow put their comfort and themselves, first.

You're probably thinking of oxytocin - triggers contractions and lactation, and is called the 'cuddle' hormone because it supports emotional bonding particularly during skin-to-skin contact. But it isn't exclusive to women, although they produce more when pregnant and breastfeeding.