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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think my boyfriend’s views on women’s age are misogynistic?

118 replies

SapphireSteel28 · 24/05/2026 15:13

I have had an unexpected argument with my boyfriend. I was talking about a friend’s struggle with online dating (this was how we met) and mentioned that she had set her age parameters to 45-65 and she is 54. He laughed and said she was silly to think a 45 year old would be interested in a woman of her age, and said that when he was 45 he was with a woman of 33. He is six years older than me. I said I thought his attitude was misogynistic and that if « age is just a number » as he has said when discussing his two ex wives who were both 12 years younger her, then that should apply both ways. He tried to placate me by telling me that I look ten years younger than I am, but that’s not my point.
I think it’s grim that men are judged on status, intelligence and humour primarily and that the best thing a woman has to offer is her youth.

AIBU to think that his attitude is misogynistic ?

OP posts:
Unicornorange · 24/05/2026 16:39

You lost me at two ex wives. Ick.

arethereanyleftatall · 24/05/2026 16:38

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 24/05/2026 16:35

YANBU to feel this way. I agree. He's right though.

Tell me you’ve never dated as a woman in your fifties without telling me

lljkk · 24/05/2026 16:37

What OP describes wouldn't make me call the guy woman-hating.
Hence I vote YABU.

Ignorant or wrong, maybe, but not someone who feels "hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women or girls."

I guess the word against is doing a lot in that phrase, but for me it would mean something very oppositional. I can't perceive that in what OP described.

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 24/05/2026 16:37

Lol at "very intelligent"

DuckonaBike · 24/05/2026 16:37

It’s fine to have different views on relationships with an age gap. But it’s weird to apply different standards depending on whether the man or woman is the older one; that’s the part that would trouble me.

Lahsania · 24/05/2026 16:37

SapphireSteel28 · 24/05/2026 15:59

He is very intelligent. This is the problem-it’s not a lack of understanding, it’s a mindset.

Show quote history

Really really need to have a look at your definition of “ intelligent”.

Do you mean he’s quite good with sums?

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 24/05/2026 16:35

YANBU to feel this way. I agree. He's right though.

TheEponymousGrub · 24/05/2026 16:35

SapphireSteel28 · 24/05/2026 15:23

Could you explain why, please? I’m trying to work out why he’d feel that way.

Show quote history

I also voted YABU but it's more complicated than that. I agree with you that his attitude is misogynistic but I think that expecting any different (from most men) would be unrealistic. Sad. But true.

IMO it's not a reason - on its own - to break up with him. (Edited for typo only).

Coffecakeicing · 24/05/2026 16:34

Surely he has given you the ick.
He would me.
Sounds like a creep.

Random321 · 24/05/2026 16:31

He has 2 ex wives and continuously dates younger women.

You'll be traded in too in a few years.

His comments are also immature.

Nihongo · 24/05/2026 16:14

DeadBug · 24/05/2026 16:05

Is this the same delight that bought you butt plugs for your fifth date?

FFS, why are you even with this guy OP? Are your standards that low?

arethereanyleftatall · 24/05/2026 16:10

DeadBug · 24/05/2026 16:05

Is this the same delight that bought you butt plugs for your fifth date?

Ffs, off I go once again after reading mn to remind my daughters of their worth.

DeadBug · 24/05/2026 16:05

Is this the same delight that bought you butt plugs for your fifth date?

BIossomtoes · 24/05/2026 16:01

Morepositivemum · 24/05/2026 15:54

Crushed23

it’s not ridiculous (just in my own opinion!) my brother and sister are in their fifties, I’m mid 40s and work with a ton of people in 50s and 40s, it’s the difference between someone born in 1980 and someone born 70s, music wise things are definitely different!! Add in the fact that health issues jump every few years after 40. I’d think it both ways btw this isn’t a younger man thing

Health issues really don’t appear at that age for most people. I didn’t have any at all until I was 70.

OriginalSkang · 24/05/2026 16:01

Oh my god. One you're past your 40s, ONLY younger or older guys will be interested on dating apps!

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 24/05/2026 16:00

He’s with you now because you look younger than you are. So keep on top of the skin care and health regime, OP.

arethereanyleftatall · 24/05/2026 15:59

He sounds utterly grim and I am utterly blown away that you described him as boyfriend rather than ex. But if that’s your bar, go for it, one less dickhead in the pool.

and, he’s wrong. Loads of 30/40 something men are very interested in older women for all sorts of reasons, a very big one being that they don’t want kids.

Original poster
SapphireSteel28 · 24/05/2026 15:59

Nogimachi · 24/05/2026 15:52

I’m sorry to say that he sounds like a bit of an idiot. That is an unpleasant thing to say.

Or he is just not very clever, since I suspect that many men think this way but they have the wit not to share these thoughts outside their immediate friend group. At least you won’t have too much trouble with him pretending to be something he is not.

He is very intelligent. This is the problem-it’s not a lack of understanding, it’s a mindset.

OP posts:
HobGobblynne · 24/05/2026 15:59

Morepositivemum · 24/05/2026 15:16

No I think it’s realistic- 45 and 54 are world apart in terms of health, music interests etc. plenty of people are with people ten years older but that’s more because they find they click with someone as opposed to going out looking for that kind of an age gap (imo)

If he agreed with you then he wouldn’t be saying people 12 years his junior surely.

If it’s good for the goose, it’s good for the gander surely 🤷🏻‍♀️

Endofyear · 24/05/2026 15:59

Of course it's misogynistic, he sounds like a bit of a twat!

Original poster
SapphireSteel28 · 24/05/2026 15:57

jdb9803 · 24/05/2026 15:55

That's not the point - her boyfriend thinks it is perfectly acceptable if the man is the older one but ridiculous if the woman is older. Not about the age gap.

Show quote history

Exactly. It’s not the age gap-I don’t think 9 years aged 40-50 is significant anyway-it’s the fact that the « age is only a number » only seems to be quoted when it’s the man who is older!

OP posts:
jdb9803 · 24/05/2026 15:55

Morepositivemum · 24/05/2026 15:16

No I think it’s realistic- 45 and 54 are world apart in terms of health, music interests etc. plenty of people are with people ten years older but that’s more because they find they click with someone as opposed to going out looking for that kind of an age gap (imo)

That's not the point - her boyfriend thinks it is perfectly acceptable if the man is the older one but ridiculous if the woman is older. Not about the age gap.

Morepositivemum · 24/05/2026 15:54

Crushed23

it’s not ridiculous (just in my own opinion!) my brother and sister are in their fifties, I’m mid 40s and work with a ton of people in 50s and 40s, it’s the difference between someone born in 1980 and someone born 70s, music wise things are definitely different!! Add in the fact that health issues jump every few years after 40. I’d think it both ways btw this isn’t a younger man thing

Nihongo · 24/05/2026 15:53

I’d be throwing this one back.

Nogimachi · 24/05/2026 15:52

I’m sorry to say that he sounds like a bit of an idiot. That is an unpleasant thing to say.

Or he is just not very clever, since I suspect that many men think this way but they have the wit not to share these thoughts outside their immediate friend group. At least you won’t have too much trouble with him pretending to be something he is not.