AIBU to think parents drinking heavily on a kids rugby tour is inappropriate?

Did the parents pay for the trip? I can see why they treat it like a weekend away, everything in moderation. I personally wouldn’t get drunk around the teammates parents, I’d be afraid I’d embarrass myself.

I've been on a few tours with my DSs. There was definitely some drinking in the evenings but nothing like you described ! This sounds like people thinking it's a uni rugby tour. Horrendous

Kangaroo court is absolutely part of rugby tour - and at mini/midi/youth parents also involved. The kids will be having fun whatever.

I absolutely agree, OP. I'm amazed at others on here justifying your experience- drinking to that excess is just awful when the focus should be on the kids. (Tbh I can't understand at all why drinking to that excess where you can't find your caravan & vomitting the next day is any way desirable, never mind when kids are around, but if folk want to do it wire in with adults).

I can't stand this rugby culture, & it doesn't need to be that way. My 2 older boys have been involved in rugby since they were tiny. It's always been a brilliant community with focus on family & fairness, & been awesome for them both. Ex-dh became a coach & it was a huge focus of their childhood. There's been plenty trips away, but focussed firmly on the kids, & drinking after dinner & when kids in bed with no stupid games or pranks .

It's clearly not like this elsewhere & the culture is ingrained young, as seen by DS1 when he started university & playing for the team. He very quickly realised it was all about the drinking to excess culture/ misogynistic songs/ extreme traditions. His rugby just wasn't like that, so he decided against continuing, which was a shame as he's talented & loves rugby. He joined other sport teams, which have fun, but not on the destructive level. He very much thinks it was 'the wrong type of private school rugger buggers' pushing the agenda. Very telling.

Interestingly, DS2 is at a very different university - not as prestigious, more industry-led- & has had a brilliant 1st year in their rugby club. They've been so welcoming, & he's had amazing fun with weekly socials & all the usual madcap, student stuff, but without the 'arsiness' (his words). He's ND & they've been so great with him, that he's really thrived. He was even in a 'kangaroo court', but it was more fun & just beer pong with a few drinks, & he got an award at the ball for ' Man of the Common Good' meaning he was just a good person who chatted to everyone. It all seems like it should be & not setting youngsters up for a culture of stupid excess.

Who is supervising the boys now?

Chance of you admitting to flouncing or being kicked out? Nil

Yeah the being pressured isn't nice. I know loads of people who don't drink and loads who do but they don't pressure each other like that.

How old are these children? By 11yrs I would of expected my children to be hanging around with the other children, I wouldn't of thought they would of needed looking after or micro managing, more like some bondaries about where they could and couldn't go like the park and clubhouse. I wouldn't put it on yourself that's it's up to you.

YANBU at all.
Trashy behaviour with kids around.

my DS has been to tour with three different rugby clubs

Speaks volumes. This is an 11 year old. My guess? The Op has either flounced or been kicked out

They probably thought you needed to unclench a bit

Sounds hellish. I wouldnt have an issue with parents having a couple of drinks but throwing up etc is just ridiculous

You could try raising concerns with the club committee. The problem is the parents aren’t there representing the club as such. For logistical reasons ours just travel with coaches and even for the U18 players drinking is not tolerated.

They may not think that’s the only way to have fun, but decided that they wanted to drink and socialise. Just because you do one thing one day that doesn’t mean you think it’s the only way to do it

Must be a very recent trick, players did not have foreskins in my day.

As long as it's controlled, which it doesn't sound like it remotely is in this case. It's sad that people have to get absolutely shit faced to have "fun". Then they can't remember what they did the next morning.

Same at football matches. Can't relax and stay in your seat/spot, because people are so besotted with getting up and going to the bar every few minutes for more booze. Then they need the loo every few minutes. Etc. It's boring. Then by the end of the match they're blotto.

I think you need to chill. If you don’t want to drink or play drinking games then don’t but don’t judge other people chosing to do the opposite. You can’t control people, they’re adults, make choice that suit you and let them get on with it. You’re not better than them just because they had a few too many on a Saturday bank holiday.

These people (and those defending it) sound as tacky as hell. It’s embarrassing behaviour; they sound like students on freshers week.

My DCs rugby club isn't like this at all, thankfully so it's not everywhere.

Adults did enjoy a beer in the evening on tour, but the focus was the rugby and facilitating the DCs fun, not adult drinking games.

Give me the OP’s attitude to parenting rather than yours any day. Are you one of those people who has to drink to have fun?

That's why I asked. I don't know anything about kids rugby tours. All I know is that this shouldn't be happening around kids. Are there any other parents like you who don't participate in the drinking? Or are they all at it?