AIBU to want one child-free weekend after two extra weeks together

Why can’t he go to caravan with his son and have quality father and son time, and you stay home and go to gym and meet your mates for a bottomless brunch or whatever you fancy? Everyone’s happy then!
@Claudiaas

You should be free to go out when you choose and see your family and friends when you choose. You aren't married. You're not the parent, he is. He's being controlling of your free time.

Is he having his child every weekend to lessen maintenance and using you to ease his childcare load? Does he have you "watching" his son?

Doesn't his son want at least some time alone with his dad without you there? That's what custody time is about. It's for him to parent.

It sounds like you're incompatible and he's controlling. I'd be out of there.

It's actually really important that he spends time with his son without you there, you are not the parent (and even if you were it is nice for kids to have some one-to-one time with each parent). That attitude sends alarm bells ringing.

How does the child’s mother feel about him staying with dad that weekend? Is she happy enough or is this causing issues there too?

It just sounds like he uses you for childcare op.

for the life of me, I cannot imagine why this relationship would be fun for you.

I am a teacher, I get paid to care for/teach other people’s children. There’s not a single chance I would choose to do it for free in my free time. theres so many other more wonderful things to do.

on top of that, this man sounds really quite horrible to you. Controlling you, calling you selfish etc. I wouldn’t even want to spend time with someone else’s child to be with the most wonderful man in the world ever, let alone one who is using me and treating me like shit.

i don’t really understand why you don’t walk away from this relationship

Oh OP you need to end this relationship. He’s controlling you and using you to make parenting easier.

It sounds as though he wants to play happy families.
I don't think this is the right relationship for you. You are entitled to see your family and friends whenever you want. If you want a weekend alone with them I don't see the issue. Why doesn't he want to spend time alone with his child?
The more you post the more I think this isn't the right relationship for you. It sounds as though he is using you as a substitute mother. When he has a mother already

I think if you date someone with children you have to expect things like this.
When I had children I didn't have a child free weekend until my youngest was 16 which was fine for me as they were my children and I wanted to spend time with them. I can understand it's different if they are not your children.

As it’s a very rare opportunity to have a weekend together with just the two of you and he doesn’t want to it’s fair to conclude he doesn’t want to spend time with just you. It’s not like DSS will notice he’s just spent 2 weeks with you, actually he probably would prefer a bit of time with his mum.
Gently I’d suggest a relationship with a man who actually wants to spend time with you would be so much more fulfilling.

The son will have been with his dad and op for 2 weeks. Assumidly the son and mother will have missed each other, completely understandable to want to see each other that weekend. The fact Dad won't let them seems controlling.

Op has been very patient having son every weekend, I think posters are being very harsh. It is obvious Dad is only concerned with what he wants not what anyone else wants or needs.

Yanbu op. Your partner is being a selfish prick

Throw this one back OP.
It’s great for him that he wants so much contact with his son. Let him have that on a 1-1 basis.
He’s not unreasonable to want to spend time with his child. He is very unreasonable to expect you to do the same all the time.
You are not being selfish. You don’t have to share all of their experiences just because it makes it easier for him.
He sounds on the verge of being controlling.

The reality of dating a parent - you have a decision to make.

Does mum get every weekend off plus days in the week? So he is the default parent? I think I'd jump at the chance of a weekend off. If he doesn't agree with you then I don't think you are compatible.

I thought this would be the case. He’s taking the piss.

I would separate.

OP, you do know that if you have your own child that you will be expected to be with them 7 days a week? 365 days a year?
This clearly isn't the relationship for you.

I’m on your side to be honest and I have young children myself.

He wants a step mummy to his child and not a girlfriend.

I think it’s crazy that DSS’s mum wants him for the weekend after her trip away but your DP is digging his heels in saying he wants to take him away and you HAVE to be there or your selfish etc

It sounds like you’re happy to be around DSS so that’s not the issue,

So on a regular weekend, what would happen if you had plans to go away with friends? Out for lunch with a sibling? Theatre with a colleague? Would he begrudge having to parent his own child without you?

That would be my issue with this set up.

Every weekend, a few days in the week and 2 weeks in summer? Does the mum not want to spend any time with him? I'm with you. She can have him for a change. Poor boy.

OP I suggest you start doing your own thing a bit more on the weekends. If he isn't using you then he won’t mind one bit.

Wow can’t believe your responses. Of course it’s okay to want an adults only weekend. Nothing wrong with that whatsoever!

What worries me is that he said you need to come too when you told him to go without you. Is he using you to help look after his child???

I don’t understand the replies here - I agree they are batshit. After two weeks with DS I think a rare weekend together (that the mum is offering!) is not unreasonable. The dad is not unreasonable to refuse - it’s great he wants to spend time with his son.

The unreasonable part is that he’s refusing to go on holiday with his son without you. Has he elaborated on why is has to be the three of you? You have every right to do your own thing.

Is he being awkward to spite his ex? She wants to see her son, you want time alone - he’s pissing you both off with one move.

I think it’s totally fair to take advantage of the opportunity for 1/52 weekends without a child. My husband and I have never been away without our (shared) children and if someone offered to have them for a weekend I’d jump on the chance. I think people got confused by the step parent thing - if you take that out of the equation ‘someone offered to keep my kid for a couple nights so I could go away with my partner on our own’ it’s easier to understand. Neither of you are absent or uninvolved.