AIBU to want one child-free weekend after two extra weeks together

The mum has got it good here, good for her. And the dad has it good too, demanding you are there every second he has his child, never wanting to parent his child alone.

you sound like a doormat, sorry. How dare he call you selfish. I’d be absolutely gone. I’d be gone the moment he said it had to always be ‘3’.

Or maybe the father has demanded close to 50:50 to avoid paying maintenance. And ensures it’s at the weekend so he gets the fun times and can still work during the week unencumbered.

This is really unreasonable of him. Very controlling. If I were you I’d ignore what he says about it being selfish - it isn’t - and spend the weekend doing what you want. Show him you won’t be manipulated and that YOU own your time, not him.

This is a massive red flag.

This.
Your DH is, in this example, being unreasonable to all parties. Including the 5 yo who hasn’t seen his mum for 2 weeks.

More broadly than that it’s difficult to tell. You are allowed to walk away from a relationship that’s not working for you.

I think it would be fair to let the mother have him, presumably after 2 weeks away she wants to see him and why doesn’t she get any weekends

I agree with this. The kid won't have seen his mum for 2 weeks. He's not putting his child first, he's putting himself first.

Posters are so desperate for the step mum to be in the wrong that they've forgotten to consider that the poor boy will probably want to see his mum.

YANBU OP. Most parents will enjoy the occasional child free weekend.

He also doesn’t see to be considering that it would be nice for his child to spend time with Mum after her being away for 2 weeks.

All that said, the most concerning aspect of your posts is his expectations of control around you doing things by yourself, such as visiting family only when DSS isn’t there.

This isn’t appropriate or acceptable given how often he is with you.

Id be re-considering this relationship in its entirety.

Ignore this I quoted the wrong post!

Of course YANBU. But the whole wanting to spend all the time together as a family is obviously a load of bollocks. Me and DH sometimes took our DD out on our own when she was young, it was good for her to spend time with each of us.

Your partner clearly doesn't want to look after HIS child on his own.

I'd walk away.

I agree.

I’m really struggling to see how this situation is the OP’s partner “putting his child first”.

The boy’s mother will of course be eager to spend time with her son after being on
holiday without him for 2 weeks. They will have missed each other. Granting the mother’s request for this schedule change would be putting his child first.

The fact that your partner isn’t willing to facilitate this would be a red flag for me.

I’d be reconsidering the relationship. Will he be this controlling with your child if you and him have children one day?

Run.

My thoughts exactly. Selfish woman enjoying every single weekend off and 2 weeks without her own child.

but that isn't the problem. op is happy having him. but Mom wants to see him after being away for two weeks and Op wants to use the time to do something just them. that's perfectly normal and healthy. I love with my kids full time ABD their father. if someone offered us a child free weekend I'd say yes

because then he'd have to parent his own child, are you crazy? that's what op is there for. imagine having to look after and do everything for a whole weekend just because your girlfriend wants her own life and to spend some time with her friends. how dare she not facilitate his needs to not be alone with his kid.

and yes, that's sarcasm.

He has his son EVERY weekend AND a few days in the week? So he does more then 50/50 then. Yeah, in this scenario, you have to be OK with the child virtually living with you. I wouldn't be surprised if he lives with his dad full-time eventually. But whenever you date someone with children, you have to be ready for them to live with you at any time.

surely after two weeks mom is desperate to see him and ds will be missing her like crazy so going back for the weekend is actually the unselfish thing to do for the kids welfare

I agree with this.

Why is the child's mum going on holiday without him?

Agree. I'm a mum but my daughter is an adult, was dating a guy with an 8 year old and realised I've no patience for that age range and didn't want to go back to that lifestyle, still having to get up at 7am on weekends, not being able to watch adult shows, having to watch my language.

However I'm not sure op is that fed up of the lifestyle, even mums (not step mums) want a break every now and again.

YABU

This is just the life of being with a parent.

He obviously enjoys spending time with his kid and doesn’t want a weekend away from him.

I don’t think you can understand how difficult it is for some parents to live with their child FT to then suddenly only see them half the week.

If you’re desperate for a child free weekend then perhaps being a step mum isn’t for you because he could easily move in with you FT one day.

I am a single parent myself but I couldn’t be with a man who had young kids as I’m past that stage of my life.
Sometimes we have to look at the bigger picture and think if this is what we want from life.

Why hasn't he gone to a caravan in the 2 weeks?

I agree. No-one seems unhappy with the arrangement except him.

@Claudiaas

he is controlling. Dump him, OP. You deserve better.

who the fuck does he think he is trying to tell you where you can go and when?!

This actually sounds even more worrying now. Parents do go out without their kids sometimes and you should be able to go visit your family now and again without a fuss. I go out for lunch with my friends and leave the kids with my husband and he does the same sometimes - neither of us are neglectful, we just have relationships with people who aren't children too.