AIBU to want one child-free weekend after two extra weeks together

This is your life if you stay with him - is this how you really want to live? I'm a single parent and do 50/50 with my ex, so we have alternate weekends. I wouldn't like to never see my son at the weekend, but equally, I do appreciate the free weekends, especially if I'm dating someone.

I don't think you are BU at all, but it doesn't necessarily mean he's in the wrong - you just have different outlooks. And it's up to you if you want it to be like this forever, or until his son is a teenager, at least.

YANBU, your partner sounds like a prick who is using you for childcare.

I don’t think anyone is suggesting that he’d be unreasonable to want a childfree weekend - like you say, plenty of parents do this and it’s not an issue (I’ve got 8 days childfree because my parents took mine yesterday for half term and I’m very excited about it!).

But he’s not unreasonable to not want to. That’s also legitimate. OP is also not unreasonable to want the childfree weekend.

Agree! Don’t see why this is an issue at all. All the what-ifs about if you had a DC together are irrelevant, you don’t. Your DSS has two parents and should spend time with both. Why would another weekend matter when he gets them all anyway?

Agree with this!

I'm on your side OP. It's telling he wants you there to parent his child so he can pretend to be a great dad and you pick up the slack. I'd LTB.

You are not remotely unreasonable to want a weekend without his child.

His is not unreasonable at all to not want that.

Neither of you are wrong. Just incompatible on this (fairly important) issue.

I’m always pro- child and often feel step parents are being unreasonable, but in this case it sounds reasonable. My husband and I spend the odd weekend child free… it’s not like we never see our kids! It sounds like his mum will also want to see him as she’s been away so it’s win-win.

Some of these responses are batshit! Of course it’s not unreasonable to have one child free weekend a year. Especially when it’s not even your child! His own mother has them. Why doesn’t he suggest a caravan holiday on one of the other 51 weekends he has his son? He just wants to control the women in his life. He sounds like an utter prick.

I also bet he outsources much of the childcare to OP while looking like an amazing dad.

Your OH is being totally unreasonable.

I assume they made time for you as a couple when you were first getting to know one another. It is important to take time together as a couple.

My DC are older now. We plan something together every month.

It is fair for your DH to spend time alone with his DS without you.

Will your DH make plans for family time for the three of you? He should book the caravan and you should go overnight to see your friends and family.

Blimey hes mugging you right off op.

This 100 %.
There are some ridiculous comments on here - telling OP she's not ready to be a step parent because she wants one weekend without the child. At the mother's suggestion! After having DSS for 2 weeks!
Go away by yourself OP, or with a relative/friend. Let DP have a lovely bonding weekend with his son. Make him feel guilty for not wanting that.

He sounds like an amazing dad

I'd end the relationship

Everyone is entitled to some child free adult holiday time if it's doable ... especially when the child isn't even yours ... and he is being very unreasonable and controlling. Especially as he doesn't want you not being with him and the child ever by the sound of it.

Have you read a different op? He doesn’t want to take his son to the caravan on his own.

You sound like my NDNs! She hardly sees her kids as she has split custody yet another weekend of the kids being shipped off to relatives so she could come back and make a rammy until 2am!! We made sure to watch a movie 6am onwards so she got no rest.

This is batshit! Even with biological children it’s perfectly reasonable to spend time away from them! Why do you always have to be a 3? Surely he can parent his DS alone?! If I was that kid I’d also want some 1:1 time with my Dad. OP I’d cut this one loose.

i think we all know that the OP is using DSS as shorthand for “my boyfriends child”

It sounds like he doesn’t want to parent his son solo.

It’s perfectly usual for one adult to go away/out and the other solo parent. You aren’t even one of the parents!!!

Wake up OP.

WTF did I just read.

Seriously, you need higher standards. It’s not ok to control YOUR time because he wants you to parent his child. He should be allowing the mother more quality weekend time, and leaving you alone to plan your life.

This is not a healthy relationship with a nice guy.

I expected some harsh replies but some of these are batshit… child abuse? Resentment? Jesus Christ

If you stick around on Mumsnet long enough, you’ll find there are a small group of women who clearly have their own issues and cannot engage their brain beyond “stepmum = bad”.

Just ignore the batshit responses.

Is your partner always this rigid when it comes to contact?

Because he wants to use OP for childcare.

You are being given used by him.
Why are you wasting your life with him.
He needs someone to be around for his child.

You are wasting your life.
Pack a bag and get out of there while you have the chance.

Calling you selfish?

He is controlling and abusive.

Are you so desperate for any man that you will tolerate this?

Do step fathers pay maintenance?