AIBU to want one child-free weekend after two extra weeks together

But you must be a decent human being - I wish more people were like you, for the sake of their children.

You have no ties and can come and go as you please . Tell this man to piss off

@Claudiaas so he doesn’t want a lot of time you both alone. He doesn’t what you both to have date nights at weekend .
He won’t holiday alone with is it step son or so. ?
He doesn’t get to push you into his way or the high way. .
If book myself to go away that weekend .
Im all for supporting dads to be good dads like they should be . However he doesn’t seem to want time just you both.

A child does not give half a shit about marital bliss or otherwise of his or her parents, as long as these parents behave in a civilised way. All the child cares about is mum and dad and the child, i.e. full family. I understand it does not suit the selfish narrative of contemporary parents, where it is 'us before them', but in a normal world it should be 'them before us'. This obviously does not apply to abusive marriages, but all that shit 'ohhh, I fell out of love/she put on weight and does not look at me the same way my secretary does, etc. is just that - self-indulgent, selfish shit, not worthy of a human being.

No, it's not. It's the reality of being with a man using you to parent his child.

Yes, quite. People are condemning the OP for wanting just one weekend without the child but nobody is saying anything about the mother who is having a two week holiday without him despite never having him on a weekend.

What are you doing with this bellend?

He's using you to look after his child, open your eyes & leave him to it!!

OP, him wanting to spend as much time as possible with his child is reasonable, his insistence that you do the same is not. You should be free to visit family, go and have fun with friends, whatever. Doing everything as a 3 does not have to be your normal and he has no right to insist on it. Let him go away for the weekend with his child, it sounds very much as if he doesn't want to parent solo.

While that is more or less true, it’s also true that couples go away alone on occasion, hiring a babysitter to go for a meal, or asking granny to take them for a weekend.

Do you do all / part of the parenting while he is there? It could sound like he wants a nanny with a fanny.

You are 109% correct.

there are lots of batshit replies on your thread!!

I think you’re in the right here OP. I have no doubt your boyfriend likes you to be around to do most of the work he should be doing parenting his own child. Is this really the life you want?
Go on holiday yourself with some friends for one week of the two, leaving him to look after his son. See how he takes it. Think about what you want.

I don't think you are wrong OP. I would be concerned that he is making demands and saying you should go out as a family when you want to do something else.
It's his job to parent, and if you feel you want to do something else you should, without him.
I too would run.

He’s beyond unreasonable. I don’t often recommend LTB but you can do much better than this.

I'm with you. Lots of strange posts.

'no contact' he'll have just been there for a fortnight straight!

@Claudiaas tell him he can have him, if he'd rather do that than have a (very rare) weekend, just the 2 if you.

Then go away by yourself or with a friend. Preferably for the fortnight! Let him be the parent he's so keen to be.

Not surprised at all by the negativity @Claudiaas there are some anti step parent people on here who are determined to perpetuate the wicked step mother trope.

for those saying he’s being a good dad by wanting to spend time with his son - why doesn’t he want to spend time with his son on his own 🤔

for those saying lots of parents don’t get a weekend off and OP just isnt cut out to be with someone with a child - how come the mum gets two weeks off and that’s fine? OP and her partner have son every weekend and will be having him for the preceding 2 weeks !
make it make sense!

after your update about him getting arsey when you see your friends @Claudiaas I strongly suggest throw this one back or serious chats needs to be had about his expectations. You are not a nanny with a Fanny. You have every right to see your friends / family whenever you like regardless of when his child is there - and he shouldn’t make you feel bad about that. If you want a weekend “off” you should be able to have one.

I have one child with my DH and we both routinely have weekends off and never make the other feel bad about it. We also try and have days together without our child as it’s important to our relationship and makes us parent better. Your DH sabotaging a weekend off when the child’s Mum is actually requesting to have them makes no sense unless it’s a power play of some sort

Haha, no I genuinely thought it was his stepson. Not hers.

He doesn't want to spend a weekend alone with you. Even most married couples who share a child would take the opportunity to spend a child-free weekend together. It seems you're someone he wants to fill a parent role for his child. Is that what you want? Is this who want to spend your life with?

Haven't rtft yet but let me guess. When your DSS is there, your boyfriend expects you to be there too, to "be together as a family." If you go do something by yourself, you are called selfish.

update after reading all your posts: yep, I called it. You are not a girlfriend but a stepnanny. Just there to help him be a parent so he doesn't have to do all his parenting himself. Do you also do most of the parenting when your stepson is there?

So staying in an unhappy marriage like some of the ones I read about on mumsnet is preferable for the child @Feis123 ?

The child is part of the package. This is the reason I waited for mine to be 18 to divorce. I get it is not your own child but this relationship is not for you. Just end it. As ever I just feel sorry for the kid.

Putting his child first? How? By divorcing the mum of this child? But I see what you mean. In our shitty today's world we have to make do and mend spiritually, so to say.

And if she does have her own children she will also (hopefully) have some days, evenings and even overnights away from them. They will surely be able to occasionally spend time with their other parent, grandparents, extended family, friends without their mum in attendance. D

Would I want to go away with a theoretical step child? No. Hence will never start a relationship with someone who has dependent children.

Would I want to go away with my children if the opportunity is there? Always and especially if I only had 50/50 with them

Really? He sounds like a selfish dad rather than an "amazing" one.