AIBU to want one child-free weekend after two extra weeks together

Yeah she wants a life & he wants someone to parent his child for him.

Read this recent thread, OP, this is the future you’re sleep walking into.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5525696-aibu-to-question-what-my-fiance-expects-of-me-as-a-stepmum?postsby=Theworldonfire

I think your take is well off the mark.

they have the child every weekend, the mum offered to have him 1 weekend THE CHILDS MUM & OP is not wrong to enjoy one weekend with her partner child free. She hasn't complained about having him 51/52 weekends, she hasn't asked for a childfree weekend.

This isn’t her child though, she shouldn’t be obliged to spend every free minute with him.

It sounds suffocating.

This is controlling. Your partner shouldn't be telling you this if you were the birth mother. As step mother way out of line.

OP, this guy is just looking for a second mum for his son. He doesn’t care about you. If he cared about you, he would want you to have your own life too.

Please dump him, he is not worth your time.

You don't think he's unreasonable to not allow OP to see her own friends and family who are over 2 hours away, when his son is there? So OP never gets to see her friends or family on weekends ever. How is that reasonable behaviour from him? He's controlling.

I don't know mate! No point throwing all the rhetorical questions around. I'm not the OP.

Parents do actually do away without their kids sometimes.

You sound like a great step mum.

You should like a great step mum.

You should be able to have a child-free weekend, of course.

Why should you have to go away with them too or stay home with them.

He is being selfish not you.

Again, no it's not.

the child's mum has said she'll have him for a weekend after she's been away for a fortnight. He doesn't need to have the child that weekend, 1/52 weekends he could have put some effort/attention into his relationship.

Why is he not??

why is he not allowing the child & mother to spend the weekend together?

I don't think this set up is right for you. Neither one of you is unreasonable. You just want different things.

Oh dear

He’s using you as a nanny. Honestly, you will be nothing but resentful, frustrated and gaslit if you carry on with this man.

YANBU

Whilst it's good that he actually wants to spend time with his child, it's actually sounding like perhaps it's because he doesn't want to pay maintenance by having him less. I'm just reading between the lines there.

I don't think it's fair that he expects you to always be there when he has his son. You are not the son's parent, you are not even married to his father, so you're not even a step parent. How much do you do with the son? Do you take on a caring role? I'm wondering if this man is just using you to do 'wife work' and doesn't actually want to spend any one on one time with his own child.

Do you two live together? Do you do all the housework? Do you do the laundry, cooking etc.?

It's just coming across that he just needs a woman there to be wife and mum, i.e. nanny with a fanny.

I do not think you are being unreasonable to want some lone time with your boyfriend. He comes across as controlling by not allowing you time with your own friends and family when he has his parenting time with his son.

Honestly, there are red flags here, and I do think you should end the relationship. I also think you'd be better to date someone without a child, and I don't mean that harshly like some of the commenters have put it, it's just because so many men are either deadbeat dads that would be a red flag for having a child with them yourself, or they are piss taker dads like this guy by controlling you to ensure you are always there to parent his child.

End it, this isn't the man for you.

There aren’t any original children in this scenario. And frankly I can see why this bloke’s marriage didn’t last.

He sounds horribly controlling to me! I’d be getting out of this relationship before you get any further enmeshed!

👍🏻👍🏻

Just for the kids ?

The kids are a bloody good reason to do anything. Should the kids be expected to split their lives between two homes have extra people within it just for the parents?
Nine times out of 10 the second marriage is the most definitely not an upgrade, the additional siblings are unwelcome by the original children and the resources are diminished the point where everybody suffers

YANBU. Honestly, I would hesitate to date a man with kids, especially young ones. I want to be highest on his list of priorities, but obviously his kids will always come first. Your partner's making it even worse than that, though, by trying to control your time. It's one thing if he wants to spend every possible minute with his child, but even when you accept that and suggest they do something without you, he's still not happy.

You're being controlled by this man, and with a child who's only 5, there's a long, long stretch of this ahead of you. I'd get out of the relationship and find someone with no kids, if possible, or at least someone who recognises that you'll never feel about his children as strongly as he will—and that it's not a problem if you want to spend some time away from him and his kids.

Think you missed the point of what I was getting at... that being if you enter a relationship that involves children be they your own or the other partners, you don't get to insert/remove them from your life as and when you please. They're a commitment. Don't want a step-child around, don't enter a relationship with one. I'm not saying the OP's partner isn't a controlling jerk, he certainly sounds like one to me but there is something in what the OP has posted that gives me the vibe that she doesn't want the child around in which case she needs to end the relationship.

Why do feel sorry for the kid.? Because his mum has asked to have him for a weekend after she's been away for a fortnight & the op would like to enjoy 1/52 weekends child free?

what in gods name is there to feel sorry for the kid about??

Best to ignore @Feis123

one of the oddest posters on mumsnet

Some odd points of view on here! Parents can be desperate for some childfree time and it's normal, OP's happy for her stepson to spend a rare weekend with mum so she and DP can be alone and that means she shouldn't be in this relationship?

It sounds like he just wants you to help out with his kid, OP.