AIBU to want one child-free weekend after two extra weeks together

OP, doesn't realise that she is the nanny with a fanny that has to be totally available for him.

Women like the op just can't see that they flll a very specific role for these lazy selfish men that don't actually want to pay maintenance but also don't want to parent.

Hence their need for a naive doormat whom will tolerate the role of nanny with a fanny🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I would be concerned that he wants the 'perfect family' rather than you in his life. His child is his responsibility (and privilege). You should be involved as much as you want (or not). You shouldn't be pressured into being there every weekend to be part of the 3!

Tell your partner it is important that his son gets to spend time with just him.
Don't let him guilt you into not going out with friends.

Also, I actually don’t think you’re unreasonable. I just think it’s lovely he wants his kid a lot. No one is unreasonable but I think you have to suck it up

What a lovely man/dad

As always, mumsnet attitude towards step mums is WILD. As a step mum who also has their DSS every weekend I absolutely wouldn’t feel guilty at all for wanting for a child free weekend even just once a year.

I bet a lot of the parents in here saying you’re a terrible person OP wouldn’t think twice about having a weekend away without their kids. It’s double standards.

There’s only one selfish person here and it ain’t you.

I'm literally ALWAYS on the mums side but honestly you don't sound unreasonable here. Why don't yous get a caravan and take him on holiday the extra 2 weeks yous have him? I'm assuming he's taken some time off work for it? Or the weekend in between the 2 weeks maybe?

Well I think some of your dps actions are red flags. Of course it makes sense for mum to have the weekend when she's just got back from a two week holiday. Mum and child will want to spend time together . Insisting he still has the weekend benefits who exactly ? Only him .
Not being allowed to make your own plans when dc is there - what? You don't have the responsibility of a child to consider. He does! You are free to arrange days out with friends, without having to think about child care etc. Because DSS is not your child!
He's not interested in spending a rare weekend together , just the two of you. Most parents who are still together would appreciate being able to do that.
Get rid.

Has he actually considered his son in his decisions? Most 5 year old children after not seeing their mom for a fortnight and vice versa would want to be spending time with her!! This is not about what your boyfriend wants op this's is about what his son wants and whats best for him! Your boyfriend is being very selfish and also you aren’t a “3” he is a “2” when he has his son but you aren’t that childs parent!!

What is that something in what OP has posted that gives you the vibe she doesn't want the child around? I'm really curious, especially since the DP seems to be the resident parent.

Hi DS is his priority as he should be. You are second to his son, get used to it or find someone without children.

If your OP had been:

'IABU to tell my boyfriend to go away with his child without me for 1 week in 52'? You'd have had a unanimous poll.

So it's not just that he wants time with his son, he also wants you there at all times? Why is that? Does he offload a lot of the 'parenting' on to you?

You don't say how long have you been together with this boyfriend OP? Although to be honest, however long it has been it is too long.

I think you should contemplate your future. Do you want it to be more of the same? Him insisting that you always be 3, never a couple? Him demanding you bend your life around his demands that you make yourself available every minute his son is around? Him never wanting to spend one-to-one time with HIS son? Have a good solid think about it. Frankly, your boyfriend does not sound like a good man. I'd have dumped him quite some time ago.

This is not your child. His father's custody arrangements are not your problem. Go out wherever and whenever you want.

that’s what most posters are assuming from the OP saying he gets upset/annoyed if she wants to visit friends /family on weekends when DSS is staying. He’s fine with her socialising as much as she wants in the week when DSS isn’t there and only annoyed when she wants time away from him if it will mean he has to solo parent his child for the day /weekend.

A good way to test this is the OP making plans with friends and family every single weekend for the next month or two. See if actually he’s not up for coping alone with his child.

It's very odd behaviour OP and not normal at all. The thing that keeps a relationship fresh is having one to one time alone like on a weekend together. Of course you want that. He sounds controlling more than anything. That's not fair to you. He wants to control your time and where and who you spend it with. Weird. And he also doesn't want alone time with you doing something just for you that's pleasant and fun, without a child around.

So he wants you there when his child is there but isn’t at all bothered if you go away when he is on his own?
It sounds as though he doesn’t care about your relationship.

He clearly doesn't want to parent his own child alone. I wouldn't like this and would be right off!

It is a shame nobody reads attentively. I said 'civilised', I said 'properly behaved parents'. I specifically said 'does not pertain to abusive marriage'.

I think the opposite
if you are a single parent and want to have your child every weekend/ never do a holiday without them/ turn down the chance of a child free weekend, when the child has a fully functioning mother. Great, go for it, there is nothing wrong with these choices
but don’t start a relationship with a child free woman who by all accounts has bent over backwards to accommodate and embrace this little boy. If you can’t give her even the tiniest bit of time and kindness, if you want to control her ability to socialise child free. Then you should stay single

Is he trying to palm off the parenting to someone else?

Exactly... He's got a young child... So he wants to spend time with said child... OP has clearly stated she'd like some child-free time. The two things aren't always compatible.
I'm struggling to see what I've said wrong, but oh well, I won't reply again.

No you're not the OP, but you're the one saying

This is the issue when taking on a man who has a young child in tow...

no it's not, it's an issue when a man wants to palm off the parenting of their child onto someone else.

believe me a child does care
I lived it and it is horrendous not feeling safe, not trusting the simmering hatred
I used to do weird anxiety routines, telling myself it would make them happy
it teaches you very unhealthy values about relationships, I ended up in the same sort of marriage. My sons begging me to leave, DS2 self harming. I feel so ashamed that it took SS threatening to take my boys if I didn’t get him arrested and away from me

now my boys are happy and have very lovely relationships where they feel safe to leave if they are not happy

my parents always encouraged me to stay, it was normal to them

children really do care