AIBU to want one child-free weekend after two extra weeks together

The mum is literally getting 2 week holiday without her DS. She has asked to have him for the weekend after that. The OPs DP has refused this.

Don't change DPbto DH

Yeah this is a problem. Why cant he see his child himself? How much of the grunt work are you doing?

The mum is going holiday for 2 weeks without her son! So why should op not get a free weekend if the mum is having 2 weeks???

Why can’t u all go to caravan within the 2 weeks DSS mum is on 2 week holiday??? I don’t think u are asking too much and sound like you are good to step son.

does DSS mum take him on hols with her too, at some point? You and boyfriend ever go away also without DSS, as mum does?

I think bf is taking the piss re: you always having to be there when DSS is at yours! No u don’t! Pls don’t neglect your own family cause your bf can’t have 1 day alone with his son. U aren’t the boys mum, u can do as u please, he needs to be the main parent. Do you do much for DSS when hes with u?

The child’s mother certainly seems to be managing child free time…

The main thing here is the fact that hes not happy with you going out and spending time with your friends and nd family. He’s controlling. Red flag. PP have advised you to plan to end it if you were my child I’d be giving you the same advice

She isn’t a parent. Or a step- parent. Sh has a boyforiend with a child. I don’t think they even live together !

And II, and all the parents I know, if offered a child-free weekend that entailed no risk k, emotionally or otherwise, to our kids would bite the hand off the offeree!

What you on about? Why you making massive generalisations? Plenty of parents do. In this case the mum has just had 2 weeks child free time.

Parents dont get childfree time really. You're not ready for step parenthood.

This is not normal. It sounds like he’s actively avoiding spending 1-1 time with his son.

It does seem a red flag that he doesn’t seem to want time for the two of you together and he wants you 100% available for his kid. Unreasonable bordering on controlling.

Your bf is the parent, not you. Of course you’re not being selfish suggesting they go on holiday just the two of them, or spend other leisure time just the two of them. Sounds like this guy wants you to do some (a lot?) of his parenting work for him, sorry but Nanny with a Fanny comes to mind. Red flag for me, I’d be considering if this is the relationship for you op.

Any day can be a weekend not seeing the drama boom something mid week

sorry but this is just normal parenting

@whatcanthematterbe81

in fact I think he sounds like a prick

@whatcanthematterbe81

eh?? How is it ok for him to dictate to OP where she can go and who with?! Nothing lovely about that

I suggest the op find a boyfriend that isn’t controlling and that doesn’t regard her as a service utility function with a vagina.

do you not realise that it is not prioritising your child to keep them from their mum for weeks? That it is not prioritising your child to refuse to spend any decent one on one time with them?

Him not wanting any child free time with OP confirms her function to him, nanny with a fanny.
She is a convience to him, hence he gets pissed off if she isn't completely available when he has his child.
She can do other things when it suits him.

Men like him target low boundaries and low self esteem that they can use.

OP could be any woman, just one that is of use to him and his needs.

She's wasting her time on a man who definitely doesn't love or care for her, and one who privately doesn't respect her.

How could anyone respect someone who allows themselves to be used and dictated to like this?

He needs backup for the dirty job of avoiding maintenance and childcare.

The OP sadly doesn't seen to register the spectacular entitlement of him thinking HIS child should be HER priority 🙄.

We teach people how to treat us.
But if him and this set up is all she thinks she deserves, that will be what she gets.

It’s really important for children to get 1:1 time with their parents, ideally even when they are in “unbroken” (🙄) nuclear families, but even more so when their parents have partners who are not their mum or dad.

So this isn’t about his son’s best interests or preferences, it’s about him having an extra pair of hands and adult company while he parents his own child.

It is a red flag and it will never not get worse. Please don’t have a child with him.

Sounds to me like this man does no parenting at all. The mother does all the hard work during the week and he bullies the OP into looking after him and his son or at least entertaining them at the weekends. Controlling and lazy. Apologies if this is not the case OP.

Partner is prioritising his own convenience, which is lazy.
He want his son - but expects the OP to always be there as a support human.

I agree with getting rid of this boyfriend. The next one can have a child, but needs to be able to manage them on his own.

Your partner is prioritising his son which is amazing.

He is a dad. He comes as a pair. His son is clearly very important to him. Perhaps more important than you...

I suggest finding a boyfriend that doesn't have a child.

I agree it is DP who is a problem not DSS. DP clearly doesn't ever want a child free weekend and doesn't want the poster to have one either- this is the issue, the poster and DP have very different expectations of the relationship.

I think the problem is that you’re in child free mode and he is in parent mode. If your DP wasn’t separated from the mother (or you had kids together) you might not have a child free weekend at all or for years at a time. He therefore in dad mode thinks this is a normal part of parenting. For you, you’re seeing it as an added thing to your child free life.

If you are going to stay together long term you would need to accept that means that you are a (step) parent and life is radically different. It’s hard and unrelenting sometimes. Most parents find it a shock. For you though you do have a choice. But if it’s not for you it’s better for you and your DP if you break up.

Apart from even as parents who are together and have a child that is both of ours we occasionally take child free weekends. ATM that usually looks like one parent going off with friends and the other having the child. When they are older I will be fully comfortable arranging family to have them for the weekend allowing me and my husband a weekend together.

This is completely normal.

However the OP's partner is saying that she should always be there if their DS is there.

This is controlling and unreasonable.

To me it is less about the weekend, although considering that the sons mother has asked to have him I see nothing wrong with agreeing and allowing them some time. The major problem to me is that the partner expects OP to be more present for them than any family I know. OP should be able to go out with friends, see family and whatever else she wants.

A mother does not give up the chance to ever see her friends and family without her child. Why should OP do so as stepmother