Is it unreasonable to be frustrated by a guest who says they eat anything when they actually don’t?

I’ve finally made it to the bottom of the thread, and I think the suggestion of running menus by MIL would be a good idea. Though not sure if she’d say yes anyway because she doesn’t want to make a fuss. We’re going out for a pub lunch today, so I’ll keep an eye on what she orders. This is the first time she’s not been following some kind of restricted diet which she often didn’t like the food on, so I can’t judge based on what I’ve seen her eating before. As well as being unobservant, DH has a terrible memory and genuinely doesn’t remember what everyone else ate. It’s a running joke that DH materialised one day at 18 because when anyone in DH’s family says ‘remember when…’, DH never remembers. Asking SIL might help so I’ll ask that. She liked the corn, sausages, potatoes, halloumi and pepper skewers with a honey drizzle, chicken (which had a mild garlic free shawarma rub on), some tabbouleh, and only avoided the tofu and mushrooms. It worked out well because I put what I wanted on my vegetarian food, DH kept the meat relatively plain, and she ate some of the food which I didn’t think she would, especially the halloumi.

I think the thing I hadn’t considered is that people might think they eat everything but only in their own frame of reference. That’s something I’ll bear in mind for other guests.

I wasn’t trying to intimidate MIL by taking her to an expensive supermarket. We’d taken the baby swimming together and there’s an M&S over the road, so it was less of a frogmarch to the shop and more of a ‘we need more oat milk and snacks for the baby, should we pick you up something while we’re here’. There is also a Tesco nearby, but I avoid it because it’s a bit out the way, usually takes ten minutes to get off the car park because of the traffic lights, and I thought it would be easier to find something in the smaller M&S than the massive Tesco. Plus the food is nice and I wanted to make MIL feel like she could have good food, and no pressure to pick the cheapest option, but logistics was the main reason it was M&S.

And finally the salad cream. My fussy eating comes in the form of cold sauces, which I almost universally hate. Crispy chilli oil is the only condiment I like, and the salad dressing I make (a herby green goddess one) is the only one I’ll eat, otherwise it’s olive oil. I don’t think I’ve ever tried salad cream, but I just know it’s not for me. I don’t like ketchup, mayonnaise, hummus, barbecue sauce, sweet chilli, hot sauce anything like that because of the texture. Chips and dips is my nightmare meal! DH likes mayonnaise and sweet chilli sauce so we have those in, but no other sauces, though I’d be happy to buy in some salad cream if I’d known.

I have a relative like this. She joined us for a family holiday one year wouldn't even eat the spaghetti Bolognese we made. Said that's not how she cooks mince and never known anyone to fry the fat off first. Said she puts the raw mince in water and has it with potatoes and a bit of veg.🤢🤮

That’s what I thought. Not everyone has to like it or want to eat it, but it’s a totally standard breakfast. I think every hotel buffet I’ve ever been to has some variation of yogurt and granola. We did also have other options, but MIL settled on the same as us.

Baked beans. Lentil soup. Chilli con carne. Hummus. All pretty common for decades now. I grew up in Scotland and have always loved pulses and barley in soup. No hippy influence involved!

Oh yes, mushy peas! Wonderful accompaniment to fish and chips.

I suppose it depends on if you or your parents moved in / were influenced by the 1970s hippie movement!

Pulses were really not widespread where I grew up in the 80s / 90s, and still aren’t particularly common with most of the non-vegetarians I know. Lentils perhaps more widely used than chickpeas.

I was born in 1957 and my mother was influenced by Elizabeth David and then Jane Grigson. Being a picky eater or having limited tastes, ignorance of variety and inability to cook are not a generational thing.

Personally North African flavours, especially including dried fruit are probably my least favourite. My menu this week includes a Niçoise salad with asparagus instead of beans, pink roast sirloin with jersey royals in a mustardy dressing with charred tenderstem and a shaved fennel salad, souvlaki with flatbreads and a Greek salad, cowboy butter roasted cod loins with peppers, tomatoes and giant butter beans…despite being over state pension age.

This!! Since I hit perimenopause there is now an ever increasing list of foods which give me dreadful stomach cramps and diarrhoea. I've also developed a few random allergies.

its also a generational thing I think. My DPs are mid 70s and they wouldn't know what a taco is.

So you'd tell your hosts you eat anything, then refuse to eat what they served? And if they took you to the supermarket to buy food you recognised, you wouldn't buy anything, so you could continue to turn your nose up at the food they served?

It it not about MIL likes and dislikes when it comes to food, it is about her being a pass agg nightmare guest.

This. Lots of people tend to stick to what they know and like. I can’t think of anything I actively dislike but there’s probably a whole world of foods out there that I’d prefer not to eat.

Doesn’t your DH know what his mother likes to eat?

Sometimes i find if people arent used to eating a certain thing or style of food, they may not even really have it on their radar. People tend to assume everyone is the same as them! So that being the case she probably considers herself not to be fussy, within the realm of what shes familiar with/aware of if that makes sense?

Doesnt make it less annoying for you! Keep offering alternatives as you get to know her preferences, you're being a great host :)

I suppose it depends on if you or your parents moved in / were influenced by the 1970s hippie movement!

Pulses were really not widespread where I grew up in the 80s / 90s, and still aren’t particularly common with most of the non-vegetarians I know. Lentils perhaps more widely used than chickpeas.

OP, yanbu because she really needed to say in the shop what she wanted, but also yabu because tagine and tacos are not really standard UK food (and salad is rubbish regardless).

I eat a lot of pulses but hate fruit in savoury food, and I don't think that's uncommon.

You really need to think asking the lines of pub grub for her - meat and veg, cottage pie, meat stew, normal pie, she might maybe eat a lasagne (my pils will), soup and bread, fish and chips, that kind of thing.

I wouldn't ever think to serve older people tacos, that's pretty out there for that generation.

Class, wealth, education, life experience all play in to this stuff as much as taste preferences, I agree that age is a bit of red herring. We all live in our micro food cultures, I think, as this thread has shown.

My PILS were pretty adventurous eaters. Well travelled with a couple of stints living outside the UK. But they were also quite formal and reserved. I once took them to a (very good) street food market thinking they’d be really into it, but they were bewildered and were clearly horrified by the idea of wandering round outside eating. So we found a cafe instead,

Some people are weirded out by “build your own” meals like tacos and eating with their fingers, unless it’s a sandwich.

Whether you’re used to meals plated up in the kitchen by the cook or self serve from dishes at the table (or sideboard!) is also a bit of a tell, I think.

It turns out that anything with garlic, and onions were out, but they’re the basis on most foods I cook. I’m happy to find alternatives but most recipes I make at least start with some variation of onion and/or garlic. And my similar aged parents will eat food with onion and garlic in them, so it’s not like it’s a known rule not to offer onions and garlic to anyone over the state pension age.

I’ve lived abroad in a variety of countries but I have never had tacos. I don’t regard them as standard fare at all. They also just look really unappealing. I’m 60.