Is it unreasonable to be frustrated by a guest who says they eat anything when they actually don’t?

Stop being nice. You’ve made nice food. You’ve asked her what she wants. You’ve taken her shopping. She is a grown adult and she should be able to express her own needs- if she doesn’t that’s tough.

forget her for today. Enjoy the bbq.

Next week your husband needs to call her and say incredible clearly that next time she needs to say what she likes for breakfast lunch and dinner. If she doesn’t then she is getting what you’re having and she might not like it and she will go hungry.

but by me, your food choices are as limited as mine, just differently limited. I LOVE garlic bread but its one of those foods that is doubly risky for me, both the garlic and the butter. I can't eat any of the cereals you mention and avoid much wholemeal bread too. Oh but I do love fruit in savory dishes, especially a cous cous with chopped dried apricots and cranberries added with the hot stock so they rehydrate together.

My ILs are exactly like this. We went to the theatre with them once and they wanted to go to a restaurant afterwards - anywhere would be fine as they'll eat anything - well they won't eat spicy, won't eat East Asian food, don't like pizzas and pasta, Cafe Rouge could have worked but it was 'too expensive', Wetherspoons was rejected because it was now getting too late for our young children to be let in. They rejected every single eatery in an entire city. We ended up in a Little Chef on our way home.

When they visit we get a lots of pies in, lots of salmon encrout, meat and veg. Pudding is chocolate mousse, apple pie, fruit crumble, trifle.

Vegetable and chickpea what? Tagine as it had dried fruit in it? That was always going to be a bold choice especially for someone who you don’t know what they eat and your dh has childhood memories of sausages and marmite sandwiches.
Just cook ‘normal’ food.

Rude and childish.

It's fine to have food preferences and it's fine to have blind spots about how flexible you are with eating, but once you'd taken her to M&S and given her the opportunity to choose, she really should either have done that or accepted what you were making.

I really struggle with people who turn their noses up at things that are just not their absolute favourite (eg., not wanting yoghurt in the morning when they do, in fact, eat yoghurt). If your host has already asked what you'd like, and you didn't speak up, then it's on you to eat what's offered you politely.

My parents are getting worse about this one (and I think some people do as they age, because they become a bit more inflexible and/or because they just assume their children's houses are a natural extension of their own homes and ought to include all the same foods). I find it really hard, because I would quite happily buy exactly what they would like, but what I find rude is them saying 'oh, anything will do' and then making it quite obvious they actually expected me to be a mind reader. My brother said he gave up and bought my dad a box of a cereal he knows dad eats, for the sake of giving it to him for one day's breakfast, and then told dad to take the box. 'Oh no, you keep it' dad said, and was absolutely gobsmacked to be told no one else liked it and it'd go in the bin. He's just hit the age where 'everyone' eats that cereal for breakfast and he can't get his mind around the idea you wouldn't.

Dh was like this! His mum was horrified when he told her his favourite meal was chicken curry 😂 he’d never even had lasagne or spaghetti bolognaise.

I completely agree with you and of course all you want to do is for her to have a happy time with you, but it does seem to me that you are trying to have a conversation from two different menu planets? Maybe a better approach might be to ask her "what are your favourites?" If she doesn't feel she knows you well enough to be honest and doesn't want to "cause trouble" or be thought picky? Could you perhaps have a conversation about what you ate when you were a child at home and pull her and your husband into it, it might give you some pointers? I agree it is frustrating when all you want is for a visitor to be happy.

My in-laws are a nightmare with food. They don’t do foreign stuff - this includes spaghetti Bolognaise, rice and anything that isn’t meat, potatoes and veg. Watching them struggle to eat “spicy” chilli while dtds are 2 ate it with no issues (is was basically a tomato sauce with no spice over mince) was infuriating as they’d said “oh we eat anything”. No spice fajitas was equally painful as dfil couldn’t understand how to make a fucking wrap (which primary aged dc had no issues). Years on I know what they eat by my god it took time because they’d never say then they’d turn their noses up at the food. Sorry, nothing helpful to add other than cathartic sympathy.

This is fine but you must realise that this sounds like a very limited palate.

OP had bread, granola, weetabix, readybrek etc. Loads to choose from. Granola is generally very sweet and I treat it akin to sugary cereal. Much prefer muesli I make myself.

It's very normal for meals to start with onion and garlic. Probably around 70% of my dinners do. That covers most pasta sauces like spag bol, most curries (even mild ones), stir fries, chili, lots of soups, tagines, casseroles, stews, tray bakes, tacos/wraps/enchiladas etc. All of the above can be made not spicy at all to very spicy easily enough to suit taste.

Most pizza will have garlic and onion in the pizza sauce. Do you never get garlic bread?

Salad cream has gone out of most younger people's cupboards to the point brands have been considering renaming it or dropping it entirely. I've never bought it in my life and I'm late 30s.

My elderly mother is like this. I think it may be an age thing. I cared for her for two and a half months post her knee replacement and I tell you she says "I'm not fussed' - no word of a lie OP even the amount of tea in a mug was wrong. The porridge, soup, toast done wrong etc etc etc. M&S was a good shout as my mother will favour anything from there, good luck with your BBQ.

I had those little frozen supermarket pizzas in the 90s. When I eventually tasted restaurant pizzas, it was quite a revelation.

I agree with PP who have said that either she’s conditioned to be polite and not make a fuss or that she will eat anything within her realm of ‘normal food’. I have people like this in my family so I avoid certain things I know they won’t like or ask about specific dishes. My aunt and uncle are a classic example - they order gammon, egg and chips every time we dine out as that is what they’re used to/enjoy. When they visit I know to stick to plain traditional (English if we’re being honest) foods as that’s what they will eat. I just consider it retro.

I think the simplest thing in future would be to stick to things that are widely considered basics/plain. I’m quite broad with my own food choices but I think chickpeas are a bit of an acquired taste and I only started eating tacos when I moved away from home, they certainly were never a staple. I wouldn’t serve these to people without checking first. Ultimately I think just that her tastes are different than yours but if you want a simple life when she stays just stick to the basics for a few days.

Where’s my invitation???
I am a proper picky eater. So I’m really clear or I will go shopping/bring my own.
What I won’t do is say I’ll eat anything, when it’s really clear I won’t thereby inconveniencing someone else.

Someone there had to know she is not adventurous eater. There is nothing wrong with it.
As a host, you adapt. If I have 1 GPs in, I could cook whatever from wherever, but other set of GPs would need very basic meals.
And not just GPs, lots of people keep to foods they know. All over the world.
I would change what I am cooking while my visitor is there because it must be quite uncomfortable to be the odd one out and having different meal. That's what we always did within family. Cater to those visiting.

Agree with this.

I'm under 50 and I'm afraid I had to look up what tacos are. If they are the same as a tortilla wrap then I've probably had them, but really not often.
Having said that, it looks like a bread type thing that I would imagine people who eat bread can eat.

I feel very sorry for your MIL in this situation. When we have guests round we don’t expect them to sit there and list all the things they do or don’t like, we say this is what we were thinking for food, and they can tell as at that point if anything’s a no and we can change it.
I like most foods, but I’d not be happy with chickpeas for dinner or yoghurt and granola for breakfast. You’re acting like she’s turned her nose up at a roast chicken or eggs and bacon!

I don’t think age is much of a factor TBH. I have met people of all ages with restrictive eating patterns.

It's a very common misunderstanding- people like to think they are not fussy, and that they would eat any normal food.

I am nowhere her age, but I just wouldn't know how far to go when listing things that I don't like.

Do I have to mention coriander, shitake and wasabi? Or are they eating out ingredients which people don't use at home without active warning?

Lots of posters with strong food dislikes on this thread.

If the list of things you’d be unwilling to eat is longer than, say 5 things and / or includes whole categories (eg pasta, spicy food), it’d be polite to explain that in advance.

Rude and odd to suggest that the problem is that what the host (OP in this case) eats / offers.

Absolutely agree

For me, this is where she got it wrong; all she had to say was "just something English" to cover it fairly well and avoid the fuss

My late, exMIL was like this, but in her case she simply enjoyed the attention around rejecting what had been served ... no idea if yours is similar?

I'm the MIL when I visit a friend of mine. Whenever I go there, they always have something I don't really like. They just like very different foods. I do eat it, but what we have as our daily meals jusy wary so much that it would not even occur to me to mention some of the foods

I font actually think its necessarily an age thing. Dd is clearly heading this route! 🤣🤣

I do think there are people who just haven't experienced a wider variety of food. Our neighbours are older but not super old, fit, active etc. But they just haven't had the same experiences. I offered to give them some home made hummus when he was ill and needing soft foods and they didnt know what it was!

They are lovely people ut have spent their lives in a relatively small area and are very happy with that. Lots of people are like that.

I also think chickpeas - something I like and we est fairly often - is not something I would routinely serve to someone without specifically asking if they like them.

I hate wasting food or even the possibility, I am with you OP.

Fortunately my mother said this and 99% true, which I only found out when I was in my forties and there was no reason why we would have encountered the particular food beforehand.