Is it unreasonable to be frustrated by a guest who says they eat anything when they actually don’t?

I do not blame you for being irritated, @funinthesun22 - it sounds extremely frustrating!

In the future, might it be easier to ask her if she likes specific things - down to the small details - “MIL - I’m going to make salad with cold ham and pork pie - do you like that? Do you like tomatoes, lettuce, celery, cucumber, radishes? What about mayo or salad cream? And we are having a roast on Sunday - is chicken good for you? What are your favourite veg with a roast?” etc etc etc.

I know it sounds mind numbingly tedious, but it might make things less frustrating in the long run. And you can keep a note of the things she does like, so you know for the next time.

Italians are notorious for sticking not just to Italian food, but food from their own region only.

I totally get how annoying this is. I have a long term itslian student at my house. Before she arrives she said she wats anything.
turns out she meant anything she eats in Italy so pasta and pizza. No potatoes, no vegetables, no fruit, no nuts, no dried fruit, no spicy foods, no rice, no Asian food, no spicy food………. I’ve given up and it’s pizza and pasta each night for her

My grandmother was french and a student of cordon bleu so I was brought up eating things like calfs brains, tongue, snails and so on and I just ate them without complaints.
She was a wonderful cook.
My stepfather who my mum met when I was three was Indian so we ate currys and indian food most of the time. All delicious.
The only food I cant really handle is Sri Lankan food. Its so hot all you can taste is your tongue burning in the fires of hell.
And salad cream which is revolting.

My mum is a bit like this... She actually will try anything, but it wouldn't be her preference. When she says, "Oh, I'm not fussy!" What she actually means is, "I'm not fussy, as long as the food is pretty much the same stuff I've been eating since the 1970s." She's a meat and two veg girl, and as for seasonings, what are those?

She's recently had a health scare, and has been advised she needs to make a few dietary changes... I mentioned hummus to her, and was met with utter blank confusion. Genuinely never heard of the stuff.

No, it's not. I wouldn't want anybody to come to my place and force themselves to eat food they don't like. I actually associate that with childhood and since I've been grown up, I haven't forced myself.

Yes, I've seen the food places, but I don't go to them. Like I say, I've had tortillas and Mexican food so I suppose it's similar.

I'm old and eat anything. Lots of things I eat now were not available where I live until the 80s or later.
Funnily enough I didn't know what tacos were until recently. DS mentioned he had made them and I had to Google. It turns out they are just tortillas with a filling which I have been making since the 90s. I just didn't call it tacos.

Being fussy is by no means the preserve of the elderly. I've had some very difficult to feed teenagers visiting when mine were still at home.

As for salad cream, my grandparents used to have it. They were both born in the early 1900s.

Is she rude about it when she realises she doesn't want to eat what you're offering, or does she just ask about what you have available and happily make her choice from that?

I can see you want to host her and make her stay comfortable and nice by providing food she'll like, but she may (and I'm not there so this might be totally off) enjoy herself more by not "imposing" on you by making you buy stuff for her specially. I get why that's annoying for you, it would be annoying for me too, but this is a pretty normal way for people to think about "not wanting to be a bother".

Perhaps ask SiL what she really likes for next time, or have DH have a conversation along the lines of "Look mum, fun loves to cook and would really like to impress you while you're here, so wil you please tell me what you actually like to eat so she doesn't get stressed out again." (if this is true and you want the cook role while she's with you - dumping the whole effort onto DH is also a good approach).

Edit to add: But no, YANBU to be frustrated by her!

I don't think it's generational, I think it's probably a combination of upbringing and being wary of the unknown. I've known people in their 20s who were like this and people in their 80s who go "Yay! Let's try it!" I consider the latter to be normal!

Bloody hell, the rudeness!

Being a picky eater or having limited tastes, ignorance of variety and inability to cook are not a generational thing.

Absolutely @PinkTonic
My mum was born in 1918 and acheived a Cordon Bleu diploma in Paris, so we were brought up on chicken provencal, home made pizza and other European dishes. My dad (born in 1909) spent the war in India and developed a love for Indian food.

In 2026 it isn't generational, it is simply unadventurous. The MIL is a similar age to me. She just likes traditionally English food and is unable to think outside of that.

The ageism and ignorance on this thread is depressing.

Whenever we have people to stay or just round for a meal I always try to find out what to avoid and what particular likes are, especially if it is someone I have never cooked for before. Like @funinthesun22 I would be really frustrated with the MIL for making it so difficult and would probably have said something along the lines of "I'm trying to find you something to eat, but you aren't making it easy for me. I really would like to make you something you would enjoy so please could you let me know what you like"

I enjoy hosting and family and friends enjoy coming as I always take dietary preferences and requirements into account.

.

Interestingly I eat a lot of foreign food, love Japanese, Korean, Thai, Goan curry , Italian, Turkish but don’t like anything at all that’s what I call tex mex, tacos etc or anything involving large chunks of beef or indeed don’t like steak - I think itsiary because my teeth are a bit shit at64 - maybe just best to ask in advance, do you eat spaghetti bol or katsu curry etc! I suspect these things may not have ever been on the radar .

@hugasaurus hard agree - fine to have never eaten a taco but to live in a world where they do not exist is basically saying you have no interaction with US or Mexican culture - no US TV, films, cartoons, books - it's absurd!

I’m definitely not narrow minded thank you! I know I don’t like these things because I HAVE tried them. For example, I love the flavour of samosas but just don’t like and can’t take the heat. I’ve tried several Greek, Turkish, Indian, Lebanese and Chinese dishes. I can’t help what tastes good to me but I’m absolutely not narrow minded.

Right?!?

Tacos have been around in this country for over 30 years. I appreciate that not everybody might like them, but to have never heard of them?

A taco! 🌮

Don’t worry people. I am sure as you in turn become MIL’s your DIL’s will provide food you really aren’t used to and you will long for your taco’s instead. I am trying to imagine the future thread and how it would read….

Given her age she would probably have been cooking for herself and her family in the mid 1980’s.
Long before some of the foods considered fashionable today. The era of lasagne and pasta. Fish and chips, cheesecake etc. Of steak and chips. Prawn cocktail. Curry was with us then. And Chilli.

I can’t believe people get to be adults and aren’t able to be polite and eat any food that’s put in front of you when you’re a guest. It’s pretty basic adulting.

My inlaws do this too and it drives me mad. I also like to.try and plan stuff for.everyone to do so the kids dont go out of their minds with boredom stuck in the house. I always suggest a couple of ideas before they come up and they say 'oh don't do anything special we'll just fit it' then when they arrive Every. Single. Thing. Is something they cant do for one reason or another. Drives me nuts 😱
I think really they 'eat anything' as long as it's English food / no fish / no pork & fit in as long as our plans are either pub lunch / coffee shop or garden centre!

My late MIL often used to bring her own food when they came to stay "because it needed using up" . One year I invited them for a meal for DDs birthday (she was about 3 or 4) they were about an hour and a half late because of traffic on the motorway (fair enough, although not sure why they couldnt have phoned with that info)....but then it turned out they stopped at services, on the way and bought sandwiches. We had waited for them to arrive to have dinner, I served the food.... and they got out their packets of sandwiches 🙄
On the rare occassions they did eat what I cooked MIL would say, in a surprised voice "actually this is really nice!"

Not if the frame of reference was different. If MIL assumed OP and family ate like her, then saying she would not like a tagine would not even occur to her to rule it out.

I don’t think this is about food, actually, so much as knowing how to be a guest. Is she not aware that having her over means you will inevitably think about her needs and comfort? And wouldn’t she want to minimize that by not being so fussy? Obviously she doesn’t have to eat anything she’s allergic to or intolerant of or which will send her running to the loo. But to not eat a thing because it’s outside her norm, or she doesn’t know what it is, or she doesn’t like it - that’s just being a rude guest, frankly, after you’ve gone to the trouble of asking about her likes/dislikes and even taken her shopping. I mean, what does she expect you to do? Or is she okay with you running around offering a million suggestions which she bats away? It’s quite selfish really.

Just ignore her. She can eat the bits she likes or have some toast. And why are you fussing around after her, doesn’t your DH know what she likes. I mean this kindly, but I realised a while ago there is no ‘good DIL’ award.