Another holiday ruined - damaged the hire car - think I’m covered but DP being awful!

I kind of understand his anxiety- I’d never struggled with holidays until I was suddenly responsible for DCs abroad and now that does make me anxious. Difference is I can acknowledge that and I work really hard to not act like a dick on holidays.

I think I would tell him he need to see someone and take steps to address it or he doesn’t come next time.

An apology this morning to you and the DCs is progress, a day to stew on it might also help him to come to terms with the rest of it.

If he really only is like this on holidays, then this is the way forward. If he can’t suck it up , he stays home. His anxiety or learned behaviour, or whatever it is , is his to manage.

I’m very anxious on holiday because if anything goes wrong I will just assume it’s my fault, and everyone will be miserable and hate me and bla bla bla. But I’m awful to myself , not anyone else. So I apologise, look for solutions and then eventually let it go , because neither DH or DD are actually that horrible or bothered and it’s all in my head.

Is it a foreign holiday? Is he the same when you holiday in the UK?

My ex used to do this, always something to spoil the holiday. Told me never enjoyed a holiday when was a kid but would always find something to argue about if it wasn't exactly what he wanted to do. Selfish prick

suggesting divorce over a holiday strop is a hot take

What does he add to your life. Maybe time to part ways.

Nail on the head. Next time he drives or you don’t get a car or you leave him behind. Time to stand up for yourself as he sounds abusive.

What a prince amongst men - not! He would not be getting in that car with me again. He can walk everywhere and find his own way home. Actions have consequences. If you’re such a shit driver, he won’t want to get in another vehicle with you, will he? Play him at his own game! Honestly, OP. What a joke! My DH would have spent the rest of the day telling me what a heroine I was for avoiding a full on accident. Your life is not normal and you need to change it for the sake of your DC.

I read threads like this and feel so utterly sad that some women are in these relationships. It's so depressing.

So is he angry because of the type of insurance you purchased? Not because of the damage itself?

Telling him to shut the hell up is completely unreasonable in the circumstances.

He needs to be told to shut the fuck up.

Well done for avoiding the smash with your quick reactions.

You may not actually get a huge bill. Hire car companies are not that logical I've found.

(This kind of thing is why I've quit ever hiring a car abroad again. )

YANBU at all.

What would he rather you had done? crashed into the other car?

I hope you’re ok and not too shaken up.

he either needs counselling to work out why he acts like he does, or he stays at home when you take the dc on holiday.

He sounds like an utter pain to go away with.

What kind of weird mindset must someone have to insist the whole family go away and then make the whole trip miserable for everyone with their moaning and negativity?

This. Is he happy at home because everything and everyone runs according to his schedule and so on holiday he’s not in control

You need to have a very frank conversation with him about how his behaviour is affecting everyone. If you stay quiet and try to make the most of it he’ll never see the impact this is having. I’d be honest and say it’s now affecting the DC. Give him the chance to change over the next few days and say to him if things don’t improve we’re not doing a family holiday again

Holidays? Not worth the stress.

We damaged a car we hired from Enterprise last year (our own fault) the side trim came off they were fine as we too had purchased the protection cover and we were not asked to pay anything further.

Glad you got the extra cover.
A good bit of advice on Martin Lewis' website is never to buy this directly from the car rental company- it's much cheaper to buy this insurance through another company, sometimes just a few pounds.
I always do this, and when my rented car in France got hit by a flock of birds that scratched the roof they paid up really quickly.

He likes the idea of a family holiday. He doesn't like the reality. So he ends up being a mass of disappointment and irritation. The minor incidents give him an outlet.
Next time don't let him 'insist' on a family holiday. Tell him they are stressful and unpleasant for you because you're either dealing with his tantrums or on edge waiting for one, so its a waste of time and money. Tell him that's the last time you're doing it. (In time you could maybe experiment with a short break to check for change.)

There’s clearly an issue around holidays
I doubt there’s are fix or more to the point could you be arsed
given everything is normally ok
suck it up and NEVER go on holiday with him again
I must admit I’m not a holiday person ( a concept hardly anyone can accept or understand) I feel there more like an endurance test than this magical experience

You need to stop the family holidays , even if it means he stays at home. It’s not fair on your children, and do you want the same for your children’s partners and your grandchildren. As your children may end up being the same when they are adults

This. And go with your friends without your dc too leave them for him to entertain or take away without a driver to abuse

It takes me a few days to get into the swing of a holiday with my family. I think it’s the winding down from work and the change in routine. I could be in paradise and still be annoyed.

I now recognise it and try and manage it. Plus I don’t go for less than 10 days and agree the first few days could happen without me doing too much. My DH and DC would go straight into activities and I’d mooch for a day or so.

I’d still be a bit of a joy suck, but I knew it was a ‘me’ problem.

(Not the point but you can buy car insurance separately that covers everything)

my DH is similar, but with him the trigger is while we are getting ready to go, for a while ever trip away would start with me in tears as he or I would have lost or forgotten something and instead of being reasonable it would turn 8nto him having a massive go. It took me a while to realise his dad did the same. It’s like he’s super anxious about going away (despite spending years travelling for work) and that outbursts is the outlet.

I’ve just factored it in Now, called him out on it and told him it’s not happening any more. He was oblivious. Holidays start more calmly …for me anyway.

but you nee£ to get your dg to realise his lack of management of his anxiety is affecting you and your kids.