Another holiday ruined - damaged the hire car - think I’m covered but DP being awful!

Disagree. No one, absolutely no one would be ruining family holidays and staying married to me.

He want holiday at Worgate next year when you take dc away.
Unless you have decided on a new patio next summer...

Is his foul mood going to turn back time and enable you to prevent the incident?

no?

then he’s being a twat and ruining more of your precious holiday.

if you had had an accident hospital bills would have been a lot higher than a couple of rims

Well, I caused similar damage to a hire car, when we were in Skiathos in Greece. But my fault entirely: the pavement was mega high and I was driving up a very narrow road. We had taken the extra insurance, but there was an excess to be paid if there was damage.

When we returned the car, at the end if the holiday, the guy shrugged and said 'it happens', and we didn't have to pay anything extra!! He was totally unbothered about the damage to the alloys!

We were a little worried, but it was fine and we didn't let it spoil the rest of our holiday when it happened. Your DH is being very unreasonable

Please leave him at home next time, it sounds such a miserable holiday for you and your kids.

Oh op, are you ok after the prang?

Your morning update is exactly what I was going to suggest. A next-day chat where it is calmly laid out to him that he spoils every holiday and NO MORE. I understand that you're pleased he might not come today. I'd be telling him that now he's admitted he causes all this stress every time that the last few days of your time away are make or break for future trips. He can buck his ideas up (take himself off with a book for an hour if needed but licking his wounds for the rest of the holiday is unacceptable too) or not come again.
Have a great day at the water park!

He’s a prick, you should have turfed him out the car and let him make his own way to the airport

Well done on your eldest for speaking up as well as you. Hopefully it will give miseryarse some time to reflect while you go off and have a lovely day together.

I would be on your guard though. Some men deliberately ruin special occasions - birthdays, Mother's day, nights out etc, they'll get a mood on, faff to the point that everyone is running late etc, - from the sounds of it, your husband isn't like this in your wider life, and has learned this behaviour from his miseryarse dad. I would be vigilant however, if this starts to spill into other aspects of life now that he knows he won't be coming on future holidays.

Well, well done you for getting the waiver! Our hire got dinged in a carpark and my partner who set it up didn't get the waiver apparently. They also complained about damage to the paintwork that was there before but hadn't been caught when we (BOTH!) took pictures on pick-up. Both fuming, wasn't fun for the way home!

It's interesting you say he hasn't acknowledged the triggers, because he has acknowledged he is tense away from home, so it sounds like he is acknowledging the issue in a way and telling you how he feels.

If you get on fine at home, could you agree some time off all together at home doing days out etc, and then you take the kids on holiday alone. Or could you look at the type of holiday, are there some things he would find less stressful?

Reading your last update at least you've got an answer. If he understands himself that this can't go on, your answer is he doesn't come on holiday with you. Sucks but if he's great the other 50/51 weeks of the year not the end of the world and no point wasting loads of money and making everyone miserable.
Could you arrange "home holidays" with him. You stay at home for a week but treat it like a holiday, doing days out, no house jobs, he could even camp in the garden with them.
We don't do much conventional family stuff because DH has a medical condition that makes it difficult, so days out are either short days with him, or full days without him. Holidays are stressful so we limit those too.
He still does quality time with the children, but in shorter more manageable bursts. Everyone is much happier, including me and when he takes the children for short days out, he always suggests I use it as time off for downtime.

Take holiday out of the equation c this sounds like a very unhappy marriage and therefore family.

Whats he like at home? The same I imagine

hiw old are your children? For your eldest to actually articulate to his father that he doesn’t want to go on holiday with him anymore is heartbreaking and is an utter indictment of your husband @Whyismycatanasshat

I've been through this with DH and rather than going to the extreme of divorcing I just take the kids on holiday and he stays home and looks after the pets. It actually works really well and makes it easier for me to travel because I don't need to coordinate my leave with his. He hates holidays but didn't acknowledge that so he'd always want to go but then be an awful grumpy stressed mess. Now we're in our new mode there's no debate over it and it works really well for us. I began by tying it in with visits to my family that he wouldn't come on anyway. My DH sounds like yours, he genuinely is lovely at home and an overwhelmed stress head on holidays. Some people just don't enjoy travelling but feel they have to because we're told that's what families do together. You'll be doing everyone a favour by setting a new normal.

Tell him to go home and have the holiday with the kids. It’ll be the best thing you ever do. Leave him to it

He says he can’t relax and feels on high alert the whole time.

Probably because his father ruined every one of his own childhood holidays, just as he is now ruining his children's.

He can break the cycle by therapy, and learning to enjoy a normal holiday. Or he can break it by staying home while you go without him, so his children learn that holidays mean fun rather than fear. If he cares about his children, he won't pass this on to another generation.

OP I sympathise. My DH is similar. We don't do long holidays with him now because the truth is, he hates being away from home for too long, but didn't really realise or recognise that - it just demonstrated itself in him being incredibly unhelpful, grumpy, stroppy and obstructive on holiday.

Given your update and that you hint that he's generally not a prick, I find it sad that you will never have a family holiday together because of his anxieties and they way he subsequentlybehaves (I completely understand why you currently won't!). The fact that he shows insight means he has awareness - would he consider therapy?
For this holiday, I would plan to do everything without him and enjoy the time with the kids.

A few years ago we had a mishap with a hire car, hubby was forced to swerve and the wheel was badly damaged. Hire company came and met us, swapped over the cars and off they went! The noise as he drove a broken car away was horrendous, we’d been so careful and the company didn’t give a stuff! Was totally worth getting the zero excess.

I damaged a hire car spectacularly a few years ago.
dh was nothing but wonderful about it and just wanted me to be ok and not worry about it.
he sorted it all out when we returned the car and never even said it was me who had done it .
your dh should have your back and not be making you feel bad or guilty about something completely unavoidable.
I would be reconsidering my relationship if I were you.

Every sympathy. My mother used to do this. Every single time she would find something to moan and complain about, and would sulk and not let it drop the whole time away. . I hated holidays as a child and discovering the joys of travel as a young adult was so liberating.

I always purchase zero excesss for this very reason - I now have peace of mind on holiday rather than constant worry. You and he have nothing to worry about.

@MummyShah369 you need to start your own thread.

You’re covered and that’s what matters , he needs to shut up .
I wouldn’t drive abroad ( to be fair I lived overseas and drove there but I was really uncomfortable until I’d worked out routes to places I regularly needed to drive to ) because I am not comfortable or confident doing so .
Husband has driven abroad sometimes ( we usually don’t , we use public transport) and if he scuffed the wheel rims I’d say “ oh no 😟 “ and that’d be it .
Because I am not a misery that’s why

If things like this "ruin" a holiday, then relational things are far too brittle and over fraught between you.