Another holiday ruined - damaged the hire car - think I’m covered but DP being awful!

I have read Ops posts but not full thread.
I would suggest you compromise by you taking the children away by yourself, and then having another holiday where you stay at home and go for child friendly days out with DH.
His behaviour sounds as though it is caused by anxiety.

If my DH was horrible to me only on holidays then frankly I’d go without him. However it’s unlikely it’s a one off thing - perhaps you should reconsider what DH brings to the relationship?

Yes I thought so. Twat at home
but at least now you and kids will get a break from him on holiday

Next time don’t include him!

So the marriage will limp on but at least holidays will be happy? No way someone like this isn’t a twat at home too.

and I only wrote that because it literally always gets an op back in a nano second!

@Whyismycatanasshat wont come back because doesn’t want to accept the reality that this will all be really shitty of her kids. I reckon they’ll be another thread next year about another holiday where he’s kicked off.

and then shortly later another thread about how eldest dc refusing to go on holiday with the family anymore

Sometimes see this families on holidays where the parents are arguing / furious with each other and it’s very clear and think… looks unhappy for everyone in the family

We have hired cars in Argentina, Italy, and California as well as quite often at home. Chance to drive something fun. I’ve scraped the heck out of the alloys in the US and dinked one in Argentina. You just chuck the keys back and try to do better next time! Parking and driving on the other side of the road isn’t easy. It’s not something to throw a moo-moo over, it’s almost more like knowing you cost the hotel more than they charged you on an all inclusive!

I’m not sure this is anxiety so much as a variation of him needing to be in charge as the big man, but being intellectually or organisationally or practically incapable of being so when outside his comfort zone. He can’t be The Man when he doesn’t know what the rules are, can’t handle not having the answers and being shown up in front of you/the D.C. If that resonates, it’s a pretty easy fix: he needs to see you model that it’s okay to not know (because clearly he’s too immature to work it out for himself), and to model how to go about finding out and gaining mastery that way. Right now, he’s modelling how to fail when outside his home. If he wants to model success wherever he is, he needs to show his kids how to do that.

I definitely think it's for the best he no longer comes on family holidays! Hope you and the DC have a lovely day.

YANBU. Did the same last time I hired a car and drove it abroad. It's why I always get max insurance cover. I had no extra charges.

I think that the fact that his “D”F behaved this way is irrelevant to a point. My M ruined holidays, but before we went. She would scream at us for two weeks before the holiday. Well extra screaming as that was her usual mode if DF wasn’t around.

She was a twat and hadn’t improved with age. You can have a parent like that, reflect on how it might of been for her and how you can avoid repeating the pattern yourself.

My DH is equally anxious abroad so we take family holidays in the UK and I take the DC abroad and he looks after the pets and home . It’s worked well so far.

My reaction exactly. I don't put up with idiots no matter who they are.

My daughter unfortunately damaged a hire car abroad. We had the extra insurance though and never heard anything else about it.

I would definitely never be going away with him again.

I would be utterly devastated if my children told me they didn't want me to come on holidays with them. Hopefully this will spur him to manage his anxiety better.

OP, take this seriously.
Your child is telling you the truth.
He doesn't want to go on holiday with his father again.
That is not because of a once off.
Men like your husband destroy childhoods.
Your son will not forget this.

Do not inflict him on the children again and seriously rethink your relationship.

Your children deserve better than this, which is emotional abuse, witnessing his behaviour.

Mind yourself and them.

I think it's lovely that you can all express yourselves and reach a solution. I love that you said he enjoys spending time with you and the children, but just not on holiday. Holidays can be stressful, the high expectations etc. My husband and I plan what we think will be great holidays, a week mooching here and there but unless we are actually committed to a flight home or days on a cruise - we will always, ALWAYS be home at least three days earlier than anticipated. We also both feel on "high alert" when we're away, and it makes so called stress free time.....really stressful!!

That's not on. Sorry to hear this, I hope you can enjoy the rest of your holiday.

My other half is an HGV driver and we basically do everything to avoid him driving on holiday. He wouldn't behave like that but I don't think it would be a proper holiday for him if he was driving for on holiday, he does it daily at home (long hours too).
We use taxis, transfers, excursions and public transport.
We go on about 3-4 holidays a years and we had a rental car twice, for 1 day and for 2 days as it was the only way to do what we wanted but that's it.
We often go on cruises so no need for a car full stop but even land based holidays, there is almost always a workaround.
I want him to have the best time and not busman's holiday😂
Maybe this is something you should try doing? Plan a holiday that doesn't require a car rental. I'm not saying it will stop him being an ass but may take some stress away from you.

No real advice OP, just sympathy really - nothing worse than being away and something souring it. However in this case what has is your DP and his behaviour, not the minor car incident. You did nothing wrong as the driver.

Life with reactive adults who cannot emotionally regulate themselves (and are not willing to try to do so either) is always going to be like this though. Difficult moments (car scrapes as one example) are an expected part of life when you're lucky enough to be on the planet for many decades, this could have been a mishap that was over and done with in 30 minutes and the holiday enjoyed for the remaining duration, if it weren't for him. It's a shame when one persons failings spoil something even for the children but it's a much broader issue to consider the impact his behaviours have on you and your family in general. Understanding where the behaviour came from goes some way to explain how it might have come about but does nothing at all to excuse the continuation of it. He is an adult and needs to learn to regulate himself and deal with his own emotional issues, whatever those might be - like the rest of us do. I'm sure many of us grew up subject to the modelling of some unhealthy behaviours, doesn't mean we are all still impacting the next generation with them years later, you do have to do the work.

If you plan to stay with him then consider holidaying alone. By the sounds of it he would do his best to spoil that for you all as well though

And no way is this a blip.

Another holiday ruined

And this twatty behaviour and family unhappiness will be the same at home too . The OP has just got used to it

I agree and seriously doubt this is just on holidays either.