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AIBU?

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Are my friends ungrateful and spoilt or am I unreasonable?

114 replies

secretgoose · 23/05/2026 21:31

I’m 32 years old and obviously my friends are a similar age.

I absolutely love all my friends but I often find the way they treat their parents really cringey. My parents aren’t in my life, which is my choice. I’m aware that my perspective could be warped which is why I’ve come here.

Things they do that have annoyed me. One of them booked a holiday, paid a £50 deposit but then didn’t read the payment terms and realised she couldn’t gather enough money to pay the final balance in time. Her parents have paid it for her. She’s 34 years old and talks about wanting to try for kids soon and I wonder how that will work.

Another friend lives at home with her parents, only child. She entered a group chat to say her Mum has been annoying her and her Mum kicked off because she always cooks dinner and does everything. And i empathised with her mum thinking well she’s got a 32 woman child at home, and a husband, both not pulling their weight. I simply asked my friend how often she cooks at home and she said she doesn’t but when she lived with her last romantic partner she didn’t cook then either. I just find it wild how you can take your mum for granted like that.

Another friends car got a warning light. Her Dad came and got her, drove the car home. He’s then inspected the car, ordered the parts, will fit the parts and has paid for the parts. He isn’t even a mechanic. Her response was to complain about how much he moans whilst doing it! I said let him moan and take the saint out for dinner for goodness sake.

I just find it wild. I am also HUGELY jealous. I would love to have parents like theirs. They don’t know their bread is buttered.

OP posts:
JLou08 · 23/05/2026 22:02

I think you've been very harsh about friend 1, a lot or parents like to help their adult DC out financially. To say you wonder how she will manage being a parent just because she made a mistake with a holiday booking and her mum helped her out is quite mean.
Friend 2 does sound like an ungrateful arse.
Friend 3 sounds fine. It's annoying when people offer their help and then moan, they should just say no.

secretgoose · 23/05/2026 21:59

MignonsMorceaux · 23/05/2026 21:55

One of them booked a holiday, paid a £50 deposit but then didn’t read the payment terms and realised she couldn’t gather enough money to pay the final balance in time. Her parents have paid it for her.

How is that a description of how your friend treats her parents? Am I supposed to read into that something you haven't written?

She acts irresponsibly because she knows her parents will pay her out of trouble.

I can’t afford to Willy nilly book holidays without reading, planning and saving properly. No one’s coming to save me. Whereas she can book a holiday without thinking about the consequences.

OP posts:
secretgoose · 23/05/2026 21:56

Isitme2026 · 23/05/2026 21:54

I think buying the holiday is ok if they can afford it and the adult child is otherwise independent. I'd class that as a treat.

The other examples - I think it's the friend's attitudes that are the issue, not the help and care itself.

Oh god definitely! The parents are amazing, as I said I’m jealous. I’d love to have their parents. It’s not the parents annoying me, it’s my friends 😆

OP posts:
MignonsMorceaux · 23/05/2026 21:55

One of them booked a holiday, paid a £50 deposit but then didn’t read the payment terms and realised she couldn’t gather enough money to pay the final balance in time. Her parents have paid it for her.

How is that a description of how your friend treats her parents? Am I supposed to read into that something you haven't written?

secretgoose · 23/05/2026 21:55

TheyGrewUp · 23/05/2026 21:53

@secretgoose as kindly as possible, I was you 35 years ago. I have been fiercely independent since I was 21. Neither DH nor I got any help from parents. Everyrhing we have is ours.

Our DC are a similar age to you and have love and support despite being independent. They aren't ungrateful spoilt gits like some of your chums and know they will always have a home here of the chips are down.

I wish you had that. I know I'd have liked it.

This made me cry. Well done for giving your kids what you didn’t have ❤️

OP posts:
Isitme2026 · 23/05/2026 21:54

I think buying the holiday is ok if they can afford it and the adult child is otherwise independent. I'd class that as a treat.

The other examples - I think it's the friend's attitudes that are the issue, not the help and care itself.

TheyGrewUp · 23/05/2026 21:53

@secretgoose as kindly as possible, I was you 35 years ago. I have been fiercely independent since I was 21. Neither DH nor I got any help from parents. Everyrhing we have is ours.

Our DC are a similar age to you and have love and support despite being independent. They aren't ungrateful spoilt gits like some of your chums and know they will always have a home here of the chips are down.

I wish you had that. I know I'd have liked it.

youalright · 23/05/2026 21:53

tillyandmilly · 23/05/2026 21:49

I see nothing wrong with living at home when you are 34 - if you share the household duties and pay towards your keep not all of us can afford to own a house/flat even with working - or they are simply trying to say up for a deposit -

How do you think people manage who don't have the choice. They rent, they houseshare they manange money better to save for a mortgage quicker they don't spend 16 years saving up for a mortgage and still not have enough

Ohthatsabitshit · 23/05/2026 21:53

Living with extended family is fine. Leaching their money time and resources just weird.

tillyandmilly · 23/05/2026 21:49

I see nothing wrong with living at home when you are 34 - if you share the household duties and pay towards your keep not all of us can afford to own a house/flat even with working - or they are simply trying to say up for a deposit -

youalright · 23/05/2026 21:45

Jealous of what adults who can't cope with real life. Living at home at 34 is ridiculous im only a few years older and my eldest daughter is in the process of buying her first home so will be moved out soon. I couldn't imagine being this age and still living at home and my children moving out before me.

secretgoose · 23/05/2026 21:41

Motomum23 · 23/05/2026 21:36

I haven't had a relationship with my parents since I was 17 so I know exactly how you feel OP. everything I own or do is down to me (or my dh) and no one helps us with anything. Thankfully my kids are very appreciate of their lives, without prompting I often find my 19 year old son cleaning the kitchen or running the hoover round.

Same situation!! I “moved” out at 17. My mum gave me an ultimatum and said she’s moving house and I’m invited but there’s no buses and she won’t be driving me around 🥴 I think about the things my friends get help with and I think “wow”. Like you, I’ve had no help with anything. House deposit, sorted it myself. If I want to go on holiday, I fund it myself. I feel like that should be normal and I’m not wearing it as a badge of pride. The way my friends are with their parents has put me off having kids tbh but it sounds like yours are incredibly well rounded!

OP posts:
Motomum23 · 23/05/2026 21:36

I haven't had a relationship with my parents since I was 17 so I know exactly how you feel OP. everything I own or do is down to me (or my dh) and no one helps us with anything. Thankfully my kids are very appreciate of their lives, without prompting I often find my 19 year old son cleaning the kitchen or running the hoover round.

FunMustard · 23/05/2026 21:35

I find it hugely unattractive when adults past the age of about 24 are so hugely reliant on their parents. It's laziness, bordering on abuse of the parent in some instances.

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