Accidentally made dh think his dm had died but is his reaction too much?

ADHD/ Neurodiversity is difficult but it has an impact on those around you. There's that expectation for the neurotypical partner to be the better person, the caregiver when their partner is in burnout. Sometimes we forget that neurotypical people experience grief, trauma, loss and need to be carried too.

I agree with your husband
Also your sister will know his mother's name and assume you mean her not some random old bird from the telly ... It's not like you had Judith Chalmers round for tea twice a week

ADHD is no excuse for thoughtlessness

He's currently treading no man's land like we all do when our parents are dying. Every minute waiting for the phone call... You made a flippant comment but he's currently in a state of trauma. You need to apologise and put him first whilst he goes through the shittiest of times

The poor man hadn’t over-reacted he’s on high alert over his mother. All you can do is apologise but I have a feeling there is a long history of ‘blurting’ and he’s had enough of it.
My other half has ADHD and blurts things out without thinking. I have learned to cope with it but now and again it is really hurtful.
He shouldn’t be gathering support from others over it though, that is odd.
I do feel sorry for you in that you meant no harm, but harm had been caused.

A couple of things on this -

I feel like I can totally hear how much of a throw-away comment this was, so I feel sorry for you that it's blown up in your face like this. If anything, the fact that it was so off-the-cuff should partly demonstrate to him that there was no malice behind it. As others have said, emotions run high at times like this but I personally think that he should be the one coming to you with an apology - not the other way around!

His reaction sounds more like a 'last straw' thing so I'd be having a serious conversation with him about where else this has come from - a change in his feelings about the relationship, or a change in his mental health and him needing some support. The fact that he's taken himself away for 'space' over this is very extreme and seems OTT for what could/should have been a straightforward conversation around why it upset him.

Girl, you are not being unreasonable.

To be honest, if I was your sister I’d have assumed you meant your mother in law and not some random 90s celeb that no one has heard about in years. It’s completely understandable that your husband flipped. What an absurdly ignorant thing to do. Wonder how you’d have felt if someone flippantly suggested your mother had died and then behaved like you’d overreacted. I think you’re being extremely unreasonable. I’m so fed up of ADHD being used to mask poor behaviour. You are still capable of thinking, presumably?

I think you knew how it sounded.
My MIL is called Sarah. If she was seriously ill in hospital and I said to my sister “oh Sarah is dead” she would immediately assume I was talking about my MIL, not Sarah Michelle Gellar (we were obsessed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer as children)

Its sensitive isn't it his mum in hospital poorly he will be on edge so not sure if its an over reaction really ....
As much as you say you blurt things out maybe this one has broke the camels back its his mum not just a person off the tv you've never met.
I'd apologise until you feel he hears it and understand his need for space.
Those who said he is looking for an excuse dont be so hard hearted he could be losing his mum if the poster can't put her mouth in touch with her head in these situations I dont blame the hubby having enough of it.

the poor man was in the same room so I don’t think he was eavesdropping. I think OP knew exactly what she was doing. Judith Chalmers isn’t that famous that she is known by her first name exclusively, and especially as his very unwell mother has the same name.

My eldest has ADHD before you ask

@NotAnotherScarf

It's also part of the condition to be over reactive to criticism. Part of her writing on this forum was probably to assuage her feelings of guilt. And it doesn't matter whether people agree that the husband over reacted (last time I looked the poll said he did) or whether she is getting beaten up for it, both achieve that result.

Speaking from personal experience.

You mistake the condition completely. You'll find a lot of people on forums who are ADHD precisely because the act of writing slows everything down so their brain can act before their thoughts get expressed.

You'll also find we're the people who do massive amounts of typos and edits.

Would you say the same to someone with Tourettes?

I don’t have a way of fixing it, no, you’re right.

And if OP had asked for ways of fixing it, I would have steered well clear, because I don’t know.

But she didn’t. She said that her DH had overreacted, and asked if people agreed. So I gave my opinion on that.

What do I suggest OP should do about her condition? Well again, she didn’t ask that, and I don’t really know, but I don’t think taking to the internet to look for people to blame her DH was a great start.

He was in the same room. OP has said he wasn’t eavesdropping at all. You’re being incredibly heartless about his situation. And you’re being way more unreasonable than the OP is, who has accepted blame more or less.

Wow he's very highly strung isn't he, in a way understandable he's worried about his mum, but yes def ott reaction imo once he knew who you were talking about!

Leave him to get over it. YANBU.

Lots of NewNameAccounts here suddenly! Perhaps attracted by the OP's reference to ADHD in the initial post.

It's entirely possible for two things to be true: for the OP not to have meant any harm whatsoever, and for her DH to be very upset by something unintended, which she couldn't really have helped.

Besides ADHD, I suspect a speech fluency issue, through experience with a family member. Saying 'think before you speak' to somebody with that type of communication disorder is a bit like telling someone with Tourettes to stop ticcing.

If you're only here to bully an upset poster seeking help, it's high time to step away from the keyboard - it's worse behaviour than blurting.

OP I wouldn't worry about the judgement of the people on here, there's many on here who clearly aren't very nice people and who cares what those kind of people have to say. At best maybe they're having a bad day and trying to take it out on you, or else they're just completely ignorant.

If your husband is angry at you that's one thing and you can deal with that in your personal life but don't take the absolute bullshit and nastiness from the people on here.

There was the same crap on all of the threats related to John Davidson at the BAFTAs with many talking absolute crap such as he shouldn't have went if he couldn't control what he says.

So that's where many people are at these days, ignorant, intolerant and just plain nasty.

Hey I sit in the cefax stand. Sorry but she knows full well that she has an issue with blurting things out...somethings are just not forgiveable .

She didn’t say anything to him..he was eavesdropping on a phone call she was having with her sister.
Serves him right.
If she had announced it to him, that would have been different but she didn’t. He assumed there only one Judith in the world. His reaction was OTT considering she wasn’t talking to him.

Another armchair "expert".

No it's what society is all about fitting in as best as possible, everyone struggles at times to confirm to the expected requirements. And she may be Nd but fuck me no one ever called her Judith Chamers just Judith, she just blurted out Judith because she expects Judith to die...if you are nt enough to type on a public message board that you realise you've upset your husband, you're capable of not blurting out her name like that.

Do you realise that when ND blurt out something they aren't meaning to, or planning to? It is hard work to constantly monitor your speech. Sometimes things slip out. It isn't cutesy character trait, you are right. It is an executive system dysfunction. Yes, it can be hurtful and harmful. But no need to shame people for it.
What do you suggest the OP does about it? She's due to start on medication. Medication may help, but not eliminate the issue. If you actually have a way of fixing this I'm sure people would love to hear.
NB "Think before you speak" is not an effective strategy.

It's also hurtful and damaging to try to make ND conform to what suits NT people.

I was going to post similar.

Not thinking before you speak is not some cutesy character trait, it’s really fucking awful as it’s potentially very hurtful and damaging. As you’re finding out @accidentallyUpsetHim . Sounds like you do it a lot and this is probably the worst yet. Time to do something about it.

I don’t actually think he’s overreacting. What you did was terrible. And I also find it really odd that you would call JC Judith like that.

I’m sorry, but I’m finding this really difficult to believe. When a famous person dies you never just say their first name only, I just don’t think it would happen. A surname I can believe, as they can be more familiar, but not a first name.