Accidentally made dh think his dm had died but is his reaction too much?

For the record, I agree with your therapist, the effects on those around loved ones with the condition can be brutal. But I think it’s still important to differentiate between something that’s deliberate and something that is the result of a recognised medical condition. Not sure you can blame someone for having no insight into the effects of their behaviour on others, if that behaviour is the ‘norm’ for them, and beyond their control. And I can’t help but empathise with sufferers of a condition that is so misunderstood.

I do it quite often. I use loudspeaker a lot of the time and the screen is visible during the calls.

Exactly this. The rush to condemn OP for something that happened as a result of a medical condition for which she’s about to commence treatment is actually quite shocking.

How did you read a notification on your phone while talking on your phone? This story sounds odd all round.

And once again, if it isn’t within the experience of MN it didn’t happen. Did you stop to think that the fact that OP actually did this is the difference between someone with her condition and someone without ? Do you understand ADHD at all, or do you subscribe to what seems to be the prevailing opinion that the condition is just an excuse for bad behaviour ?

That is true. Definitely a good point. It just seems hard to imagine referring to any non-mononymic famous person by just their first name. Feels so odd to me.

It's not really comparable, though, because that's a fictional series in which the actors are known by another name. To be fair to OP, Judith Chalmers was obviously always addressed by her actual name on the programme.

You are obviously lying. No one does this. My siblings and I have watched the LotR movies more times than I can count. It was a fixture in our lives. I can recite the first movie by heart. And yet, I would never, ever in a million years refer to Elijah Wood as “Elijah,” with them or anyone! I would not stop a conversation to suddenly say “Oh Ian’s died!” (He has not, obviously, just an example). Nobody would know what I was talking about. This makes no sense. Doubly so if I had a close relative with the same name.

So, either the whole thing is made up for internet points (which is what I suspect), or what actually happened was that you said, “Judith’s died!” to purposefully mess with your husband, because you thought it would be funny. THAT was likely the impulsivity your husband is upset about—not an innocent impulse, but a cruel one.

But I maintain that the whole thing is made up.

The word accidentally’ in the title should be replaced with ‘idiotically’
OP’s use of ‘accidentally’ shows that she is not taking responsibility for her actions.

People can try to understand and support people with ADHD but must that always be at the expense of what other people are feeling/going through? Does her DH not need special care and support right now? I’d be curious to know what conscious steps OP has taken to support him in his time of need.

I suspect it's the latest in a long line if thoughtless behavior. For the record, my DH ( now deceased) had ASD and ADHD. It totally altered our relationship. I had some therapy because of the thoughtlessness and impulsivity he displayed. The therapist said after a short while ' who cares for you? Who supports you?' And I realised that no one did. And that was the problem. He had no insight into how his behaviour affected me, or any one else.

ADHD is no excuse for thoughtlessness

And yet Tourettes is. From my perspective, on blurting, there feels like a very, very fine line between the two.

Also, the advice other people have given to stop and think about what you are going to say makes normal conversation with any group of people who aren't making allowances for you impossible. The conversation will have moved on before you speak.

Total overreaction on your husband´s part. He assumed and was wrong. Breathe in breathe out, sorry wife you scared me there for a moment. End of.

I can see why he’s on edge but he has really overreacted to this, it wasn’t done maliciously to upset him.

Hopefully in future you guys can laugh about this, it’s like David’s dead from Big Brother is all I can think of!

As an aside, did you know that AI writing checkers disproportionately accuse autistic people of using AI? It's because we can write in blunt, succint ways. Here's a link for more info (I googled it myself, but as google has AI built in it of course helped me) https://www.researchgate.net/publication/378200791_AI_Detection's_High_False_Positive_Rates_and_the_Psychological_and_Material_Impacts_on_Students

Oooh you failed the Turin test I'm afraid, I am a human. I know I am because I regularly check the box on the websites that ask me if I'm human.

Fine..but that doesn’t mean he should punish his wife because he thought irrationally . She is not responsible for his thoughts.

watching my husband and 2 x MiL die was awful..him dementia, her dementia..the other brain cancer. But death is inevitable and sometimes, the best thing or only thing to end the suffering. It’s time people stopped thinking death is taboo. We fight nature in everything else but death is the only certainty. He got a fright but that was largely self inflicted . Lashing out at his wife ..that’s not acceptable

But he wasn't thinking rationally. I think most people under stress misinterpret on occasion.

Yes, I have lost a parent, slowly and painfully. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, great uncles. People die. I’ll probably be next .
Hes going to be dreading it but that does not mean he can treat his wife as if she told him to his face that Judith died , meaning Chalmers, not MiL.
He overheard her with a friend ..and only a blithering idiot thinks that’s how hospitals inform next of kin…via text to a third party to pass on.

No, because it's a tic. ADHD in my son's case means that he can think about what he wants to say, but just jumps in. If he pauses, he thinks he says it in a better way.

Yeah we can try and expect all we want but adhd is a spectrum and some people find things harder than others. I’ve been brought up the same but it’s hard, doesn’t mean I’m thoughtless. Would you say the same to someone with Tourette’s as it’s not far off

Then he should accept he assumed. And that he has overreacted. It isn’t her fault he overheard something not meant for him and assumed the hospital texted her instead of calling her son to inform of her passing. The whole assumption is ludicrous and he should not be taking it out on her.

Have you been bereaved of a parent yet? Because you sound like you have no idea what that time is like. It is so hard. Every moment is precious and you don't know when the end will be or if the person dying will rally and make a final communication with you. It's so awful for you to sit in judgement of this man in the worst days of his life while you're just having a normal day and scrolling on here.

We often refer to celebrities in our household just by their first name. For instance recently it hs been katie -price, venezuela, Paris, tyson -fury, val-kilmer, jack- black. And anyone who was very "big" in our family would be Alan-Davies, Michael-Jaclson, David- Tenant

I find this really, really odd. I have never come across anyone who discusses celebrities so often that they fall into first name terms.

And if she was in the habit of discussing Judith by her first name with the person on the other end of the phone, it’s not odd. She might have to use a surname for other people but it was a shared interest. Just as my pals and I talked about Davy.

how many Davys are there? But we all knew who we meant