Accidentally made dh think his dm had died but is his reaction too much?

'The point here is that her condition - for want of a better way of putting it - engaged her mouth before her brain had caught up properly. It’s a common trait of ADHD in my experience and one of the reasons that sufferers spend a lot of their lives apologising - largely because the condition is misunderstood and people automatically jump to offence.'

I disagree. I see a lot of jumping to conclusions and putting their own interprerations on things without evidence in those that I know with impulsive ADHD. Much more that I see in NT. Research seems to support that observation.

It absolutely is recognised globally as a medical condition, which responds to medication. I understand perfectly well what ADHD is thanks - was a disability outreach and support worker for over 20 years and saw the effects of it in varying degrees almost daily - much more towards the end of my career as awareness of the condition grew, enabling better diagnosis and treatment.

ADHD is an officially recognised medical condition, classified by health organisations worldwide as a neurodevelopmental disorder in which the brain develops and functions differently than most people's, affecting information processing, regulation of emotions, focus, and management of impulses. It’s also listed as a medical disorder in the globally recognised Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders and the classified as such by the World Health organisation.

And I’m certainly not advocating for medication as a cure all, but in my experience it can be helpful in the management of the condition. I mentioned that OP was about to start medication, purely in response to posters implying that she was doing nothing about it.

But her sister didn't know who she was talking about.

Yes but by writing it you've made NT people think that all we need to do is pay for some therapy or possibly some medication and everything will be sorted.

I hope your treatment succeeds but from what I've read about therapy and medication that's far from guaranteed.

I'm starting talking therapy next week. Not to stop me from doing what the OP has done, but because it is so much hard work to avoid doing what the OP has done that it barely feels worth getting out of bed to live it.

Even if he was, adhd people do not, especially when unmedicated, have the ability to not be impulsive. She knew her sister would know exactly who she was talking about.

Yeah, it genuinely helps me with the little things like that (agreed 100% it will not work like this for everyone). I have diagnosed ADHD. ADHD medication gives me that two-second filter and my friendships are now a lot healthier. I don’t claim it’ll work that way for everyone, but this is a brain chemistry issue, like many others, and my path to it came via neurology, not psychology. Based on your life path, you may view it as medical, you may view it a psychological. Either way, you might be able (no 100% success rate; no guarantee of which med) to assist your brain chemistry with help from medical professionals.

Whatever, my explanation is closer to the realms of logic than the story we're getting.

Having ADHD doesn't mean you have no responsibility to work on your flaws. I have ADHD but I still take responsibility for myself and constantly work towards improving my I pulse issues. Just something to think about.

Presumably though your DP’s Dad wasn’t called Ozzy…

But Jesus, you people are rough with each other. Holy fuck.

No, it’s definitely not working yet. I’m only like two weeks into the test drive, and seeking medication at my appointment on 4 June. You’re 100% correct. I did not mean it flippantly, OP. I meant it very seriously. Flippant language is not flippant intent. The intent is serious.

Oh yeah. Fuck. I see that now. See OP? I post before thinking.

Also @ThreadGuardDog sorry if I missed one of your replies; I’m looking for it. And yeah, I’m well aware of the post code lottery for NHS-only help. Believe me, I know the ADHD diagnosis wait in Scotland is currently 10 years. Talk to your GP, see which local private service providers they’ll “work” with (this is the secret path for those struggling with ADHD so badly it’s ruining their relationships and working life). DH had to get a private diagnosis here in Scotland. England and Wales have right to choose, so that can help. But I’m talking about general counseling from any counselor at all, and if your marriage is genuinely at risk… you have to be willing to at least do a Google. Anyway, right to choose for yall down south:
https://add.org/uk/nhs-right-to-choose-adhd/

Don’t patronise me. I know exactly where I’m coming from and I agree with others that this was a prank gone wrong and op’s DH has probably had enough of her getting things wrong due to her adhd to last a lifetime.
Judith Chalmers has always been just that, she wasn’t Cher!!

@DilettanteRedRagger what I meant is that some of the thread-followers are demanding the OP performs her apology to the thread, to the point that satisfies them.

I agree. It was a mean prank that's backfired, and now blaming it on adhd.
It's weird and insulting

It's not a medical condition. It's a neurodiversity. Medication helps some people manage better and get things done, but I don't think you understand adhd or how adhd medication works or it's limitations.

How would adhd medication make someone remember to use surnames when making death announcements of people with same first name as seriously ill family members??

Buy a brain filter in therapy.

I think the fact that you could even write that suggests that your own purchase has not worked.

Agree.
However having grown up with Judith Chalmers her full name was part of the culture. If my mum came in with a load of holiday brochures she’d get…
Who do you think you are, Judith Chalmers?
But Bruce Forsyth was also Brucie and it stuck.
Eric & Ernie needed no explanation but you wouldn’t recognise their first names on their own.

And it’s been brought to your attention previously that OP has taken action. She’s about to start medication.

I actually think this disgusting post says more about you than it does OP.

People will give you grace during the wait)

Clearly not if the majority of this thread content is anything to go by. You are also clearly unaware of the state of MH services in the UK. In some areas it’s a postcode lottery and in others it’s completely inaccessible, even via self referral services, which are completely backed up.

I still think it was a poor prank gone wrong at best. You wanted him to think it was his mum for an instant before the punchline it was Judith Chalmers haha. His reaction has genuinely surprised you and you have now rewritten it as a bizarre accident where you happen to exclaim Judith's dead in front of him. Your sister thinking it was your MIL kind of proves your family weren't on first name terms with Judith Chalmers.

ADHD definitely doesn’t exempt sufferers from the consequences of their actions. Nor does it exempt those without the condition from better understanding it if you have someone in your family or social circle who has it. OP has said she is about to start medication, so has clearly been struggling up to this point. I can well understand her DH’s reaction - he’s already in a heightened state of anticipation of bad news because of his mothers’ illness, and as has been previously stated, this may be the last straw. But given that he’s her partner and presumably understands the condition I still think his reaction is way over the top. I think what I’m saying is that if you can’t stand the heat you need to get out of the kitchen. Sticking around and being constantly stressed by your partners’ behaviour and blaming them for it even though you’re aware it’s beyond their control, benefits no-one.

If you are an ADHDer apologizing without trying to change, you will lose people in your life. People you care about. They will burn out on your lack of filter. Buy a brain filter in therapy. I hope this helps!
(Much love,
signed,
an absolutely chaotically ADHD wife seeing an NHS neuropsych on 4 June -
anyone whose marriage is suffering,
consider the GP — therapy — psychiatrist path.
Yes, it’s hard to get an ADHD diagnosis right now on some NHS services, but if you already have the diagnosis, expect help in 3-6 months.

People will give you grace during the wait).

@Branleuse and @chirrupybird yes point taken.
But honestly when certain celebs die….. no one in my family will need to use their surnames for us to know who we mean.