Accidentally made dh think his dm had died but is his reaction too much?

Op this is blown out of all proportion you made an innocent mistake !!

Earwigging? He was in the same room as her. How do you turn your ears off?!

insensitive and hurtful?

HE was earwigging a conversation that had sweet FA to do with him.

OP was talking to their sister. OP should be able to have have private conversations with whoever the hell they like without their DH getting angry at them. OP prefaced their post with their ADHD to explain how they sometimes blurt out without thinking. But this isn’t blurting anything out at him, this isn’t about OP not thinking per se. It’s about him listening to something he shouldn’t have been, being upset about it then having a massive overreaction and blaming OP.

OP has already apologised - the right thing to do. But the comments he has since made to OP and the overreaction at OP is not okay. He is allowed to be upset with what is happening (his mum is unwell and in HDU), he is not allowed to take that out on the OP. Which is what he is doing here.

This thread is a bit mad. And also just a tad insensitive to Judith Chalmers's family and loved ones.

I don’t know. Loads of people have ADHD and don’t do this kind of thing. It wouldn’t even cross people’s minds to refer to Judith Chalmers as just Judith. If Tom Cruise died and I said to someone, ‘’Tom’s dead!’’ They’d have to clarify who Tom was because I hadn’t given a surname.

It’s odd behaviour to just refer to someone with only a first name like that unless it’s a stage name or their name is unusual enough to be recognisable, especially in earshot of your spouse when your unwell MIL shares that name. I’m not buying it.

Nobody would just call her "Judith", especially as she dropped out of the limelight 30 odd years ago. I expect the DH is pig sick of the OP's general behaviour.

Not everyone is you, though. You may have similar conditions but you are still individuals. Maybe you can share what worked for you with the OP to see if it works for her. It may not work for her, but that would be a far more decent approach than some of the responses on here ☺️

Again - do you also believe the OP requires a totally different diagnosis?

What you’re suggesting sounds like sadism on the part of the OP, and thus would surely require a wholly different diagnosis...🧐

This story doesn’t ring true at all. Judith Chalmers isn’t that well known for people to instantly know who you mean, so why the hell would you do this, especially when your MIL of the same name is critically ill and your DH happened to be in the same room?

It sounds too convenient and hard to believe it was an accident. No wonder he was absolutely fuming if it is true because it sounds like you did it deliberately.

Yes @Imdunfer it's my neuro diversity it's how it works for me.

If it was 1999 and someone said Jordan's died and his mum was called Jordan I could get it or like I said Elvis. But Judith. His mum is Judith she's ill nearly dead. Opposed to some random ancient television personality from a Monday night in the 1980s. Ye course.

It must be wonderful to have such absolute certainty about somebody else's motivations from some words they've written on a forum that don't in any way justify your hypothesis. It's a nice headspace to be in to have such belief in your own judgement, I kind of envy you.

To be fair to your husband. I can understand his anger. His mother is seriously ill, her name is Judith. Why would you Blurt out “ Judith is dead” it’s not like you know her and it’s years since she was on tv. Why would you say OMG? She was 90 and ill. Your DH is probably sick of the ADHD as a catch all excuse for everything

Such an iconic Big Brother moment 😂

Thread guard dog that's a funny user name surely Mumsnet HQ are the thread guard dogs. OP must be glad to have such loyalty from a random fellow Mumsnetter. I still stand by my original post and call bullshit. OP knew what she was saying don't blame her ADHD.

Sorry, yes that’s a great point. I should have been more specific. This is what I mean about varying degrees present in any disability or health condition. A concept seemingly alien to MN. As with any disability, as well as the degree to which the condition actually affects the sufferer, is the consideration that no two people will be similarly equipped to manage it, and coping mechanisms differ from person to person.

A diversion I know but the pattern spotted is likely to be correct but it takes a high degree of critical reasoning to know if the conclusion that you are drawing from that pattern is or is not correct.

Does, for a simple little example, the fact that the last three buses were red then orange then yellow actually mean that the next one is going to be green?

Hence I was the first person to know of any emergency. Of which there were many!

It would depend what emergency numbers they had and which one they used

Yep. I was first on the list of contacts for mil as the others weren't as easily available. Then I was the one spending time trying to get hold of one of her 'children' instead of a busy doctor/nurse.

Can you point me to where, in any of my posts, I’ve said that medication was a cure all, at any point ? Or that I know everything about the subject ? I was directing my own professional experience at those posters who clearly consider ADHD as nothing more than a free pass for bad behaviour.

The only reason I mentioned medication was in answer to posters criticising OP for not making any attempt to help herself, which is not the case, and to make the point that ADHD is considered and treated as a medical condition which can and does respond to medication. And I assume from your comments you have the condition yourself, so you will know something, as I do from a professional point of view, of how difficult diagnosis and access to help can be, given the state of current services in the UK. We’re on the same side, so what exactly is your problem ?

And yes , medication helps, but only for 30% of the symptoms are reduced and whilst the meds are in our system. Just because you have been a professional who deals with it doesn't mean you know everything anout a subject and usually people with it are the experts.

I don’t disagree and I’m familiar with research to support that. It’s part and parcel of the condition, but it still doesn’t mean they have any effective control over it. ADHD looks for patterns - which are not always correct. And it certainly doesn’t justify some of the appallingly ignorant and judgemental posts here.

Op you weren't talking to him.
Why on earth would he think you were ?!
Using "adhd as an excuse to be hurtful" isn't what's happening here. The frontal lobe of the brain makes us blurt things out...people are doing the equivalent of asking a disabled person in a wheelchair to try and walk harder.
He overreacted , massively, maybe understandably , but that's on him for listening to a conversation that wasn't even about him.

Those two things are not mutually exclusive. Someone can do both, though not at the same time of course.

Speaking from experience again, though the conclusions that it looks to other people that I jump to are generally correct and a result of faster matching of patterns than NT people, which is also an ADHD ability.

I learnt at work to keep my conclusions to myself for 48 hours and then share them, otherwise people mistrusted how quickly I reached them.

No, it’s just bad mindedness on your part and clearly a predisposition for believing the worst in people - nothing whatever to do with what OP has actually written. But then you know that.