Accidentally made dh think his dm had died but is his reaction too much?

I don’t get why everyone thinks op made a mistake, she didn’t she was having a conversation with a completely different person. He was listening in. If we all had to consider what everyone thought in the room we are in when having a conversation on the phone it would be a nightmare. It’s an unhappy coincidence but nothing more. I hope you don’t have children. I think he’s gaslighting you into thinking you’re a lot worse than you are because he made a mistake and overreacted and feels stupid I hope that doesn’t happen too often or your going to end up feeling like your adhd is a lot worse than it is.

Yes, but he is still allowed to be hurting as a result and to deal with it his way, and OP needs to acknowledge this and that this pain is still her doing however unintentional.

So insensitive on your part. And weird. Poor guy.

Yes this.
Judith's dead my backside I think you knew what you were saying.
Who calls a woman in her 90s from TV land by her first name when she randomly dies years after she's been on TV.when I think of all the celebrity death messages one has passed on to family and friends the only one where only the first name was used was Elvis.
I think you have behaved really strangely. Do you not like your DH or mil?

Several people reacted the same way to your post, so I wouldn't get snippy with @VIII if I were you.

I don't get why people are choosing to believe that that OP set out to intensionally hurt her husband and use ADHD as a reason to not apologised. It is right there in the OP, she corrected the mistake immediately and apologised. She has apologised to him.

Give him some time and space. You gave him a massive shock and he needs to decompress.

A complete underreaction on OP's part 🤷‍♀️

he said he can’t put up with somebody who doesn’t engage their brain before opening their mouth

To be honest I couldn’t live with somebody who was like that all the time either. I can understand why he’s so upset.

Yeah it’s always best to have the thread taken down when everyone tells you your behaviour was dreadful.

You owe him an apology. You were incredibly insensitive. You can't blame your adhd for that

The problem isn't so much that OP has ADHD or even that she said what she did, but the fact she expects her DH to just suck it up and get over it.

This is the problem with the current 'over popularity' (for want of a better phrase) of neurodiversity. OP words may be as a result if a condition she can not help having, but the resulting hurt felt by her DH is nonetheless real, and his mental health and feelings matter just as much even if he is neurotypical.

Id be really pissed of its just the lack of consideration and if you do stuff like this all the time it would just feel like you did it on purpose

And this is the problem. People who have ADHD will now be judged according to the OP’s nasty behaviour which we are all expected to excuse away because she has ADHD.

It’s not an excuse, you don’t get to hurt who you want because you have a condition. Does that count for violence as well? Nope didn’t think so.

The reason why so many people with disabilities get a hard time is because there are a minority who use those disabilities as an excuse to behave however they want and everyone is expected to understand and not be upset by it.

Plenty of people with ADHD don’t behave like arseholes with no consideration for anyone but themselves.

Plenty of arseholes with no consideration for anyone but themselves have ADHD though, the two things are not mutually exclusive.

He thought his mum had died and you think that's a minor mistake?

Are you on some kind of wind up?

Living with someone with adhd is exhausting and I’ve been upset so many times and had to grin and bear it

but I always remind my daughter that adhd May be the reason for her behaviour but it doesn’t excuse it

I didn't ask for grace from anyone.

It has nothing to do with having more awareness of the impact, Awareness of the impact just makes it all the more exhausting to self monitor and frustrating to get it wrong and carry those recriminations, which never leave. I wake on many days mortified by recollection of things I said decades ago.

That is the reality of ADHD.

As I said, try living one day with my reality of monitoring every syllable that leaves my mouth and you'd understand what that means.

I believe the OP posted as a kind of confessional to relieve herself of the burden of what she has done. She chose the wrong outlet.

Given that his ill mother has the same name as the presenter, you REALLY should have been very, very careful. You don't just blurt out "JUDITH''S DEAD!" because you have ADHD. And what's with the first name basis? My entire family would sit down together to watch Wish You Were Here every week, but my sister wouldn't have a clue who I meant if I called her and yelled "Judith's dead!" It's not like "Cher" or "Madonna".

Breathtakingly insensitive and just horrible. You scared him witless. I can't believe some people are defending you and painting him as the baddie.

I wouldn't know who Judith would be if you didnt say her surname

Its almost as if ADHD affects people differently.

Yup

So the DH was led to believe that his mother, whose name is Judith and is in ICU, has died and is an arsehole for being upset, and the “poor OP” is apparently a victim because “ADHD” means she’s absolved of responsibility just like everyone who is apparently neurodivergent on here is.

Having ADHD doesn’t mean you can’t also be an arsehole. In fact I suspect a lot of abusive partners use their condition to excuse away their behaviour. Just look at the relationships board for that.

If this thread was the other way around and an OP posted “my mum is currently in ICU after having been in and out of hospital for months, her name is Judith. Yesterday my DH was on the phone to his brother and he suddenly said “OMG Judith is dead.” And although he apologised I was really upset. He’s got ADHD and while I understand the reality is that he constantly opens his mouth without any consideration as to whose feelings he hurts because of what he says.”

he would be the one being ripped apart on here. The words “ADHD is no excuse for being a dick” would have entered the first ten posts.

But because he’s a man he’s obviously in the wrong, even though it’s his mother who is dying, the OP knows this, and referred to her namesake (IMO deliberately) to provoke a reaction.

If this was a woman I would bet money people would say this wasn’t the first time and she should LTB.