Accidentally made dh think his dm had died but is his reaction too much?

Don't be silly. In that situation you really don't stop to think logically. OP's husband is already going through the experience of his mother dying, and you want her to give him the silent treatment? You need to have a long hard look at yourself.

The silent treatment… how mature!

You seem to think you’re the victim in this. You’re not. You made your poor DH think his mum was dead. That’s fucking traumatic.

Especially the unusual circumstances!

OP has already said he was in the room. It's really impossible to avoid hearing what someone is saying in those circumstances.

This is the first thing I thought of! 🤣🤣🤣 sorry not a funny situation for your oh but big brother legendary history!

💯

Also don't assume medication will solve your problems for you.

You still need to think before you speak.

Sorry OP I think you're wrong. Surely you'd say her full name?

Your DH's mother is ill and you blurt out she's dead? And now you're blaming your adhd like I'm guessing you often do given his reaction.

Sounds like he is taking his feelings out on you, which isn't okay.
I'd give him the silent treatment back til he calms down, as its nonsense that he'd have thought you meant his mum.

Context- my parents both have distinctive names and if I heard DH say 'oh no, Gladys is dead' there's no way I'd assume its my mum, as how could he know before me?!

I don't think it is remotely an overreaction in the context of having thought OP was saying his mother was dead. Especially if this was only the latest in a long line of similarly thoughtless actions.

Do you feel really awful? You don't sound remotely contrite and are just doing the whole it's my ADHD that's just how I am thing

Exactly what I thought too!

Of course you didn't MEAN to hurt him. I'm sure you never ever MEAN to hurt anyone.

But you DO hurt people. Because you don't think before you speak.

Are you saying that your ADHD rules your life and you simply cannot accommodate other peoples feelings because of your ADHD? Because if this is so, you need therapy or medication or both

Rather tenuous “Judith (but conveniently forgot to say Chalmers) died” stretch there OP.
Totally believable.

It was very, very unfortunate that the name Judith came up on your phone and you blurted that out. No wonder he was upset. But a moment's reflection would make him realise that you could not have received a notification on your phone that HIS mum had died, and that if that did somehow happen, you would not have casually mentioned it to your friend rather than going to find him.
I would guess that there is something in your relationship that is upsetting and making him tense that is bigger than this one incident. I hope you find a way through together.

In that moment he thought his mother was dead. Have a bit of compassion.

Even your sister thinks you're unreasonable (or, quite frankly, a lot worse)

What telling somebody that the reality of a situation isn’t real isn’t gaslighting. I think you need to look it up.

On the phone?
With her sister?

If you do like your DH at all maybe you should speak to him instead of entertaining yourself on Mumsnet. He obviously has a reason for seemingly overreacting.

I feel it's a bit of an overreaction tbh

Nope that’s not gaslighting

While i understand ADHD, knowing the situation that was a really careless thing to say. I don't know who Judith Chalmers is but that is not really relevant. I understand him staying away at least temporarily and you should beg for forgiveness.

You told him his mum was dead, and you think he over-reacted in shock? He should have just accepted it and said 'oh we all have to die in the end'?