Accidentally made dh think his dm had died but is his reaction too much?

Requiring HDU care is pretty indicative of being critically ill.

I've not voted, because I don't agree with either of your options - his reaction wasn't too much, but I also don't think grovelling will help.

As someone with ADHD myself, it feels like you're looking to make yourself feel better here, and kindly, this isn't about you right now. You acknowledge that it was thoughtless and that you struggle with speaking before you think. I get that the ADHD is a reason and not excuse, but that doesn't mean he has to shove down all his feelings now because 'you can't help it '. It might mean in time, he calms down and can accept it was unintentional, whereas if it had been done intentionally he (presumably) would have just walked away, he might also decide that he doesn't want to be with someone that is consistently speaking without thinking, as it his right, even if you can't help it.

But this isn't a case of "he's overreacting and therefore is being unreasonable not to have already forgiven me" or "I need to apologise harder until he decides to forgive me". You apologise, sincerely without including the "I can't help it" aspect. Acknowledge the pain it has caused, that you are truly sorry, and appreciate he needs space to process. Then give him that space, maybe check in a couple of days later if you've not heard from him. A broken leg doesn't hurt less if it was accidental compared to inflicted by someone else, he still needs some space to regulate and heal. Making this about him needing to forgive you to absolve you of your guilt is making it about you, not him.

Because the op can talk to her sister about JC dying if she wants to
it’s fairly obvious she not going to be talking about her mil. A knee jerk reaction from sh is fine but ghd he should have apologised for having a go at her

@icannotlivelaughloveintheseconditions
He was in the same room. The op blurted it out to her sister. His stress levels are probably sky high given his mother may be dying. Why is he the bad guy??

You weren’t even talking to him! He was ear wigging and jumped to conclusions. Why would you get a notification that HIS mum had died? Why would you tell your sister first?

Id have said “why would you think I’d be telling my sister about your mums death before you knew? “

Your comment is disgusting! You clearly have no idea

I can see why he reacted that way but saying that I think he is being unreasonable.

Why would you find out before him if his mum had died especially via a notification?

What a horrible fright for him.
Honestly OP I know you didn’t mean to do this, but sometimes that’s the point isn’t it? It’s thoughtless. This tells him that although his mother is on the forefront of his mind she’s obviously not on yours. I can’t imagine any eventuality in which my OH would have blurted out ‘Annemarie’s dead’ during the time when my mum was really sick (she passed last year). If I’d heard that I’ve almost have thought he was making a sick joke.
He didn’t overreact; his emotions are high and you were incredibly silly and insensitive.
You need to make a grovelling and genuine apology.

No we don't know but DH thought she was talking about his mum hence the assumption.

Agree

That old chestnut

Your ADHD is a reason you acted in this manner, not an excuse. As someone with severe anxiety around my parents passing away this would have made my body and mind go wild. Even just the fright. Dont underestimate what you have done to him. You have apologised. Just give him time to calm down and come around. It is a mistake but it’s scary if he is waiting on news about her anyway. I’ve only just learnt I suffer from anticipatory grief. It’s very real and horrible at times. I can imagine how he felt in those few seconds :(

ND is mostly worthless as an everyday term, just used by people as a catch all "I'm different so don't have to be the same as everyone" excuse.

And nt doesnt realistically exist as people act like it does. Every human on the planet is vastly different in every single area of perception, personality, reaction, processing, and everything. There's as much and even more difference between all nt, as there is between nd and nt in a lot of cases. Because they aren't really meant to he used this way, so it breaks doen when blindly used by anyone with any condition. They were general labels just for ease of classification, that have been co-opted into something else.

I would agree with that in relation to the ADHD as well, and what part that actually played here. OP has distanced herself from the idea of a strong causal link between ADHD and her comment, but that hasn’t stopped a number of posters asserting with absolute certainty that she only blurted out the comment because of ADHD.

I think it’s good you went back to her posts. I did too. I wish more posters would.

Not patronising anyone, just pointing out a nasty propensity for seeking out the worst in people to the point of disbelieving everything they say. If you don’t have ADHD you clearly don’t know what you’re talking about. If you do, then words fail me.

This absolutely is you blaming OP. Not least because you’ve completely overlooked that she’s sought the help she needs and is soon starting medication.

Mine may be a ‘funny’ username, but based on your attitude, yours is entirely appropriate.

Absolutely this. So many posters commenting from their own point of view without understanding or accounting for ND.

I went back to check the OP's posts to see exactly what she said.

She didn't actually say her mother-in-law is critically ill. She said she had been very unwell for quite a long period, and is an HDU.

But so many previous posters have assumed she is actually at death's door. She may be (in real life), but - we don't know. We don't have very much to go on. And yet so many people have jumped to huge assumptions on the basis of very little.

@Blades2 "She knew her sister would know exactly who she was talking about."

But the sister didn't apparently. I mean, the chances of her sister instantly thinking it was Judith Chalmers (a reasonable minor celebrity who dropped off the circuit 36 years ago) is vaguely ridiculous. Unless of course they talked about Judith Chalmers day in, day out and had their walls adorned with posters of her.

Ozzy v Judith no please hands up I'm a bit picker but if someone said Judith to me I would have thought the woman who won who wants to be a millionaire and then went on Eggheads.
Ozzy now maybe if it was the 1980s and I was a Tottenham fan ? But that is just not comparable.

And while posters have said this thread is disrespectful to Judith Chalmers' family it is also disrespectful to OP's boyfriend's family and boyfriend. I can't imagine he would feel any better towards OP after reading this because she is the one who has tried to turn the whole thing into a bit of a joke. Refusing to see anything but her excuse for doing it.

Knowing Judith is his DM name and she is currently critically ill I can completely understand his reaction. It was a stupid thing to do and no he hasn’t over reacted he honestly believed for a second his DM had died as would anyone in this situation, you might not like his reaction but it’s justified considering the circumstances

But her sister didn't. Her sister thought she meant the mil

Well I didn't know Judith Chalmers is dead, so that's sad.
Your DH has overreacted.

Are you ND? Because if not how you do things and process language is irrelevant.