Accidentally made dh think his dm had died but is his reaction too much?

She doesn’t know about the thread.

I’m veering to this as well.

Why on earth would OP’s sister know before him if his mum had died?!

Fair enough if he had a moment of fear but to carry it on for so long shows that on
some level he is enjoying having this over OP’s head.

Judith Charmers really does not deserve to be caught up in a nonsense thread like this. RIP Judith.

No of course not - but it is a free pass to have a private conversation without fear of being vilified for a completely out of context, unrelated, unintentional remark. The sanctimonious twats are out in force tonight!

It’s clearly not just this incident but it’s the straw that broke the camel’s back. You need to both have a conversation about what the underlying issue is. Your DH reacted with deep anger to this not in isolation but because he harbors a substantial resentment or dissatisfaction with your relationship or an aspect of it. This is what you need to get to the bottom of.

‘Listening’ isn’t the same as ‘hearing’ ffs!

He was in the same room…he could hardly not hear her on the phone to her sister could he?? 🤦‍♀️

Fuck me. Why are you this invested in a television personality? Grow up.

'Judith's dead'
Of all the conversations that could be had about the Late (tanned and always amiable) Judith Chalmers, this was one I could never have predicted.
RIP Judith (not that one!)

Put up with this?

She did nothing wrong.
She was chatting to her sis on the phone, not her husband.

Her husband has totally blown it out of proportion. Most people would calm down quick when they realise it's nothing to do with his mum or him. Don't listen to other people's conversations perhaps? Then wouldn't get the wrong end of the stick.

Your poor husband. My mum's in her eighties and though in good health it's a constant fear that it will happen.

He didn't over react - he reacted, and understandably with shock.

I absolutely see why he was so distressed and it reads as though you're expecting him to just suck it up and accept that's just the way you are 🤷‍♀️

Was this the latest in many incidents Ike this? It may feel right now to him like the last straw.

Neurodivergent people can learn and change and improve - time to start, and stop expecting him to put up with this.

You did nothing wrong. Sorry OP. He's taking his worries out on you. Understandable but not acceptable.

Having ADHD is not a free pass to say whatever you like and there be no repercussions?

What exactly do you mean by "that is a big, clever word"? Just curious if theres a point beyond attempting to be patronising to strangers you disagree with online?

But for the record, her sister not immediately knowing which Judith she was talking about doesnt mean its not contextual.

Her sister didnt immediately say OMG, your Judith. she was mildly confused then saw the same notification. Not the reaction of a sister concerned her siblings MIL has died. And OP wasnt given the chance to clarify herself.

Its still contextual. She isnt blindly blurting things out, she didnt drop in the football scores and rain prediction, or the death of a presenter from 8 years ago. In the context of a chat with her sister she sees a notification that says a famous person they recognise and have shared memories of watching is dead and starts a conversation about it. Thats context. (That's what the big clever word means)

And any perception it was "blurting" was as a result of her DH listening to her conversation with someone else.

Its completely understandable he heard half a convo and panicked. And its understandable he still feels sensitive and is looking to blame her because probably atm anger at her is easier than the fear about his mum. But this was his misunderstanding.

My DP came and woke me up with the words “Phil’s dead” when Prince Philip had died.

It was very weird as DP is quite anti-monarchy. I think he tends to use their first names only to show a bit of disrespect, possibly.

I have a very good friend called Phil. I had quite the panic for about 10 seconds.

I have heard people refer to celebrities by their first names only at other times though, especially when they are quite a memorable person. Eg/aah I love Jimmy! - when listening to Jimmy Carr. That kind of thing.

Are you sure? In my experience people can always avoid these problems when it really matter to them. Even if OP couldn't, she's known about this issue for decades and has had plenty of time both to get help and to work on herself.

In some ways this thread reminds me of someone I had the misfortune to come across for a mercifully short time when he got himself involved with my employers. He too had ADHD. Within a relatively short time he demonstrated that, whenever anyone had the temerity to question his views or doubt him in any way, he could be unbelievably rude and hurtful. Initially my employers were walking around him on eggshells, saying we mustn't be nasty due to his ADHD. However, it was pointed out that he was an apparently successful member of a profession which had some quite strict rules around conduct, and he really could not have got to where he was if he had been unable to control his rudeness. Fortunately he decided the whole thing was not for him and disappeared, to everyone's massive relief.

"David's dead" 🤣🤣🤣 that still makes me laugh!

He's not unreasonable to be upset but he is unreasonable to leave the marital home over it. If OP has apologised profusely and he knows her diagnosis he needs to come back home to make up and put it behind them. OP needs an opportunity to apologise again and be her most caring - she can't do that to an invisible man.

The problem with that entire scenario is that it's clear that OP and her sister weren't in the habit of calling Judith Chalmers Judith, because her sister didn't know that that was who she was talking about.

Overeating now too?

This bloke can't catch a break.

@MissMoneyFairy this is a forum for peoples opinions he’s overeating. Sorry my opinion is not the same as yours.

I don’t see what you could have done to avoid this, it was an honest mistake. You couldn’t possibly have foreseen that you might blurt, “Judith’s dead”, so you couldn’t be careful not to do it, could you?

It’s unfortunate but just one of those things that happens and we have to get over.

Maybe you could try to have your husband’s problems and feelings a little more present in your thoughts, but even then, unless you’re constantly thinking of nothing else, everyone makes silly little verbal slips sometimes.

If your mother-in-law is called Judith and is currently in hospital seriously ill, it seems very strange to me that you would expect either your husband OR your sister to know you were referring to Judith Chalmers the holiday presenter.

It seems more natural that both husband and sister would surmise you were referring to the obvious suspect, eg, your mother-in-law.

The confusion might not have lasted long, but it's inevitable that the effects of the sheer visceral shock will last.

If OP should have some slack cut for her actions, why can't OP's DH have some slack cut for his?