Accidentally made dh think his dm had died but is his reaction too much?

You really don't know how you would feel in this situation. I simply don't believe it would be as easy as that to get over it, because it would feel like a massive shock which has physical effects in terms of heart rate etc, and can feel literally as if you've been hit. And in this situation, you wouldn't just say "phew" and forget about it, because you would know perfectly well that it's only a matter of time before the real thing happens.

Great to see you view twat behaviour the same for both sexes. A free pass until you are personally affected.

Yes, I was very familiar with her from TV progs. back then, but that was decades ago now. I doubt that many young people would ever even have heard of her - any more than my dds would know who the hell Daphne Oxenford was (from Listen with Mother when I was small.)

I wouldn’t be at all. I’d say phew, feel relieved, and understand it was a mistake. That would be the end of it.
(I hope that wasn’t too long winded for your lazy reading self)

So am I.
This is bloody ridiculous. Sorry. I mean who the heck-unless a close personal friend, member of her family- would just say 'Judith'.

This has got to be one of the oddest threads I've seen here.

I wouldn’t it take it as malicious and flounce out the house, no. I’d also feel relieved.

Yes very princesses like of him to think his mum had just died. If roles were reversed you'd be telling the OP he was being an insensitive dick.

Noel’s house party too.

I agree that she was a household name back then, however, I knew a lot of other Judiths so I totally disagree.

Les Dawson was a big name then.
I still wouldn't refer to him as 'Les'.

Surely to goodness if Judith is a name in your family you wouldn't do this? I'm team DH

youd laugh if you thought your mum was dead because of your partners blurting?

Or maybe the husband is the princess 🤔

I don't get why the name 'Judith' was used without the 'Chalmers' part.

Makes no sense.

If it was Madonna or Elvis, I'd get it.

ADHD or not, this makes no sense to me.

She was a household name for those of us who grew up in the 80s, and in the area I’m from it would be perfectly normal to initially refer to someone like that by their first time - people would generally know who you were talking about. It sounds like the OP is from a similar sort of place.

What a long winded way of saying the OP is a princess who deserves to be pampered. Maybe that's the problem.

I didn’t get a day - my dad passed with a highly unexpected cardiac arrest before my eyes, but carry on making blanket generalisations about those of us who don’t agree with your perspective on this situation.

Unless she was a relative or a close friend, I don’t understand why you’d refer to her as just ‘Judith’. Very odd!

You did nothing wrong, OP. Normal people would just say phew and maybe even laugh about it. Also I’m sure that if you’d had a text telling you his mum had actually passed, you wouldn’t have told him like that. Furthermore I’d expect him to receive the news before you, anyway.
He sounds like hard work and to be honest seems to making excuses for having a problem with you - does he even like you? I just get the feeling this guy doesn’t and you might deserve someone who actually loves you. Just my opinion, but either way I don’t believe that you are the problem here 💐

I am with your DH. You know his mum is called Judith. You know she is very ill.
If you meant to say Judith Chalmers is dead you would say that. Her full name.

You said Judith only as if you were talking about someone you all knew. You didn’t say her surname.

And no, you didn’t really expect her to say ‘Judith who’.

You were causing a drama and I think you knew it.

If you feel your ADHD meant you cannot engage your brain before opening your mouth then at least engage your brain to be considerate of your other half first and foremost.

I got it too! I also said out loud ‘Judith chalmers died!’

Slight over reaction from dh but also very surprised your friend knew you meant tv lady and not mil

Goodness there are some nasty, patronising comments on this thread. I think OP and her DH both need to have a bit of compassion for the other whilst being aware of their own challenges.

Who would "everyone" be? Is it normal for him to canvas outside opinion on any disagreement you have?

Your comment sounds accidentally mistimed.

I know some people are saying ADHd can get worse the more responsibilities are piled on but it can also get better with age if a person gets good with techniques and systems in place, like alarms and technology etc.

I do wonder if there is another diagnosis in this situation though as I know quite a few neurodivergent people, and there can be two or three things going on hand in hand.

I think it might be that he's generally feeling on edge and sad and fragile because his mother is dying - which is a huge, life-altering thing - and you blurting out 'oh Judith's dead!' to your sister not only frightened him in the moment but was also the last straw for him generally.

I kind of get this because I am the same, a very unwell parent, months of worry. I have a short fuse with people being dicks, to be blunt. It all feels very heavy and people carrying on about silly things like a celebrity they don't know dying would annoy me.

I know you didn't mean it, but blurting out his mother's name in that context - about a celebrity - is pretty thoughtless. It's not the end of the world but you need to try and understand that when a parent is dying it's a state of constant vigilance and unease that never really stops and he's in it right now.