MIL let DD aged 5 get sunburned but DH thinks we should just be grateful she had her and gave her a nice time.

I wouldn't send her a message but I would never let her in charge of the child again.

You don't get so badly sunburned in such a short time! She was in the full sun at the worst time, with no protection, or nowhere near enough. That's a no for me. Poor kid.

MIL is allowed to be casual about these things, but I wouldn't let my child without my supervision.

Sunburn for children is so damaging, I would absolutely send her a message saying she got burnt and it essential to keep on top of suncream. You can still be grateful for the childcare and unhappy that she hasn’t cared for her properly and allowed her to get burnt

Yeah. This is annoying.
I think your husband needs to let his mum know. You did as much as you could from your side.
Sunburn can be incredibly painful. It’s lovely she had a good day, but she needs to know that your child was sunburned so it doesn’t happen again.
your husband can figure out the best way to tell her.

I think about it if I was looking after my niece/nephew and they got burnt. I would want to know, so it didn’t do it again.

Could it be that if MIL said she had plenty of suncream that it's not a new bottle and wasn't as effective as it should have been?

Do you know for sure that she definitely didn't top her up?

This. Sending a picture with a passive aggressive message is just a bit wanky and unnecessary.

eta but I do understand your upset, I’d be pretty pissed off too.

WHAT?! So she was basically naked with her skin exposed all day?
I actually think you and your husband should be more worried about your daughter and should take her to an out of hours clinic to be checked out.
her skin will have retained the heat and the damage could be getting worse. Especially if she’s in pain.

dont send a message to say ‘thanks for today’ because even if you genuinely mostly mean it, it comes across as hugely passive aggressive.
just send her a picture and say DD is really badly burnt and in pain, was the suncream she used in date? DD needs to be in a full sleeved swim suit and regularly topped up with suncream in any future garden paddling pool activities.

the date question semi gives MIL an out, but makes the point that she’s been really negligent and needs to be aware for future reference.

her feelings are not your concern.

What in particular did you find stupid? The concept of teaching children independence and responsibility from a young age? You're certainly free to raise your children as you wish, but there's no need to be rude about other approaches.

Send the message. But also, buy sun safe swimsuits in future, with a collar and sleeves to minimise sun exposure even when sun cream gets forgotten. Save the swimsuit for inside swimming.

MIL’s potentially hurt feelings don’t trump the risk to your daughter.

And this. Where do you stop if you put MIL feelings above the risk to your daughter?

This is an absolute hard no from me. You CANNOT let children get burnt. Any sunburn under the age of 16 is particularly harmful.

I know I’m extreme on this but my kids have full length swimmers (rash vest etc) and wide-brimmed hats. These are non-negotiable and tbh seeing their Grandpa with an entirely scabbed and blistered face from skin cancer has certainly reduced resistance.

I would definitely be sharing that she’s sunburnt, that it is can never happen again and then I’d make a plan to ensure it NEVER happens again. MIL’s potentially hurt feelings don’t trump the risk to your daughter. You can approach it gently but it has to be firmly. “This has happened, it is unfortunate, it can’t happen again. Let’s get a system in place” no paddling in undies, always a hat, reapply sun screen and also must be out of the sun in the real heat of the day. Your husband needs to wise up! His responsibility is to his daughter not his mother.

Yes this.

Just give her the keys to the car and a credit card let her live her best life 🤣

I'd be furious.

She needs to be aware so she will take you more seriously next time. She didn't do it on purpose, but she wasn't responsible enough. It's negligence on her part. Sorry, but it is. Taking care of a child is about more than just giving them a good time.

It's a shame that your DH cares more about hurting his mother's feelings than his daughter's physical well being.

I mean why stop at suncream.

Frying chips
Swimming
Using knives
Crossing roads

Crack on

Exactly. I run a lot of my life via alarms.

I can’t imagine just giving a 5 year a bottle of suncream and being like your skin your problem get on with it.

I still need to be reminded - I set an alarm because I don't notice the time when I'm having fun

Most five year olds will still need to be reminded they don’t realise it’s been 2 hours or so and should reapply.

Applying it herself ok but granny should be reminding and helping not just given zero responsibility. After all one is an adult and one is a child.

My next big birthday is 60 no kids of my own. I am quite dark anyway and used to fry in the 80’s.
Other half’s youngest grandkids are very fair. If they come here I am fully stocked - factor 50, huge umbrella, if it is this weather and there is water involved there is suitable attire and I cajole them out.
One day of hot weather and MIL has put a young child in a paddling pool in knickers and let her burn? I would expect more than a message.
Your DH is being a nob as well.

Nominee for the most stupid comment of the year.

I don't think 5 is too young to take personal responsibility for such a simple action. And of course, it is up to the OP and her partner if she doesn't want MIL to babysit anymore.

so hang on a 5 year old is expected to be more responsible by putting on her own sun cream than a bloody grown ass grandma??

If granny can’t keep a 5 year old safe from the sun then granny don’t get the 5 year old again 🤷🏻‍♀️ hurty feelings or not.

It’s just negligence, isn’t it? I’d be extremely upset in your shoes, she clearly cannot be trusted in loco parentis. Your DH should be as upset as you!

You're being OTT. She's got mild sunburn. Your DH is right. There's no need to send a picture and a sarcastic remark to your MIL. How do you know she didn't top up the sunscreen? She may have, and your DD still got sunburned. If she didn't put more suncream on, or have the pool in shade/ask the kids to come inside during the hottest part of the day, it's not great, but you know to prepare for next time. Pack a swimsuit just in case. Teach your DD to put her own sunscreen on.

Same thing really.

Id tell my mum and if she moaned I’d just mute her for a few days till she calmed down and then have another call with her.

Your MIL said she had loads of suncream herself. Could she have used hers but it was out of date? Think suncream is only effective when it’s used within 12 months of opening it? So she meant well and did the “right thing” but made a mistake.

I think it’s definitely worth mentioning to her. I don’t think anyone should be expected to be “grateful” in this situation when a child has been horribly sunburnt. If someone else’s child got sunburnt on my watch I would want to know and yes I would feel terrible and would apologise. And if I had used my own sunscreen on them I’d like to know so I could chuck it.