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Original poster

MIL let DD aged 5 get sunburned but DH thinks we should just be grateful she had her and gave her a nice time.

319 replies

Sophiehoney · 23/05/2026 16:42

I AM grateful MIL had her and she had a nice time.

HOWEVER, she's been at MIL's all day, playing in the paddling pool with her cousins and she's come home with sunburn all over her shoulders, neck, top of her legs, and all down her back and is in pain.

I put suncream on her before she went there, and when we dropped her off, I told MIL there was a bottle in her bag and MIL said don't worry, I've got loads here.

But she obviously hasn't topped it back up and DD is burnt.

All I want to do is WhatsApp her a picture and say thank you so much, she had a great time but a reminder that she must wear suncream when she's out in the sun and in a swimming costume.

DH says no, it will just make her feel bad and make us seem ungrateful and what's done is done now, we'll make sure we remind her more frequently next time.

I think a picture now will have more of an effect and she will remember next time because she obviously didn't listen to my reminder this time.

OP posts:
DeepRubySwan · 24/05/2026 03:08

Buy s long sleeve rash vest for her for next time. Your DH is right, it sounds like an honest mistake and you should be grateful she is taking the time. I would be upset too of course but it's done now and all you can do is change the future not the past. It's not worth starting a war over really is it? It's just a bit of sunburn that will be gone in a week.

JustABean · 24/05/2026 00:09

Actually she could have been on top of suncream application and it's washed away just as quick, that's talking of experience of our brood and being at the seaside and reapplying every hour and still not enough for one of them so now they have different beachwear to protect them. These things can happen still no matter how vigilant we are

Tortoisel · 23/05/2026 23:38

Buy better sunscreen!

If she’s a bit flappy which sounds like she is then you just need to invest.

Recommend Riemann p20. They do a kids version. 10 hour factor 50 or 3 hours factor 50 in water. It’s really good. Even if you forget to reapply in water you’re probably going to still have some factor left.

Never let me down but it is expensive.

Soontobesingles · 23/05/2026 23:15

Sending pictures seems unnecessarily nasty - I would tell her in person that you wanted to let her know DD was badly sunburned during this day out, and please can she be extra vigilant as sunburn causes very serious long term damage to the skin and increases the risk of skin cancer. You can be clear and not accusatory in person in a way that’s not possible over text!

Wynter25 · 23/05/2026 23:12

shuggles · 23/05/2026 21:40

@Wynter25 I like to use a sunbed now and again.

Stop doing so.

Nope

99bottlesofkombucha · 23/05/2026 23:00

herbalteabag · 23/05/2026 17:10

I always used a rash vest when mine were little, they are great. You can still get sunburned even with sunscreen on, especially across the shoulders. Missing bits is also an issue, and it's hard to realise until it's too late.
I remember getting burned on the top of my legs as a child because lying on my surfboard in the sea caused the sunscreen (which wasn't great then) to rub off.
You could mention to MIL that she is burnt, but there's no point accusing her now, just make better plans for next time.

She didn’t send the rash vest with her dd because the mils plan was a walk in the woods. Some communication about this is needed to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Personally I’d say we have a hard rule of no swimming outside without the long sleeve top.

vanillasugar2 · 23/05/2026 22:58

BrendaSmall · 23/05/2026 22:31

Today wasn’t warm, I wore jeans, hoody, T-shirt and jacket on the Devon / Cornwall border

Show quote history

It doesn’t matter if it’s warm or not, it’s the UV
and not everyone is where you are, it’s been 30c in parts of London with a high UV

Pistachiocake · 23/05/2026 22:42

Moonnstarz · 23/05/2026 16:47

I think it's fine to send a message saying DD had a great time but maybe MIL didn't realise that the suncream needed reapplying after being in the paddling pool and that she is now burnt.
I think the suggestion of one of those all in one suits is a good idea for future visits.

Agree-some people genuinely believe that certain creams just need to be put on once, and so MIL might not have known. As long as you explain politely, OP, there should be no issue.

Kickinthenostalgia · 23/05/2026 22:41

Tbh it doesn’t always do anything, DH burns like a bitch, he’s forever topping up but still burns. My face is the same aswell.

Substance · 23/05/2026 22:32

Hankunamatata · 23/05/2026 16:44

No do not what's app her a picture. Thats passive aggressive and bloody awful.

If you want to say something do it face to face.

And buy dc a rash vest and long shorts

Yes. Exactly this.

BrendaSmall · 23/05/2026 22:31

vanillasugar2 · 23/05/2026 20:56

Doesn’t matter that it’s May, it’s the UV
I am a redhead and have burned within 10-15 mins in the U.K. without SPF on

Show quote history

Today wasn’t warm, I wore jeans, hoody, T-shirt and jacket on the Devon / Cornwall border

BrendaSmall · 23/05/2026 22:29

Lazulia · 23/05/2026 20:35

Crikey! It was 30 degrees here today (yes, in the UK) and absolutely hot enough to burn. Hasn't the heatwave been all over the news? We are expecting 33 degrees next week and will be absolutely slathering the suncream on. Plus rash vests. Obviously the plans for OP changed but the MIL should absolutely have thought about the sun, even if it had been slightly cooler a 5 year old will burn very fast without protection.

OP I would definitely send a text (ideally DH would do) so it doesn't happen again. I'd be absolutely furious if this was my daughter!

Show quote history

It certainly isn’t hot!
I wore jeans, hoody, t shirt & coat today on the Devon/Cornwall border

BrendaSmall · 23/05/2026 22:28

Wynter25 · 23/05/2026 20:25

The weather is not crappy actually. We do get good weather. Especially down south.

Show quote history

It wasn’t very hot today!
I was wearing hoody, jeans, t shirt & coat on the Devon/Cornwall border!

Ponoka7 · 23/05/2026 22:27

shuggles · 23/05/2026 21:38

@BeOchreDog A single case of bad sunburn in childhood doubles the lifetime risk of skin cancer.

That's a doubled risk over the baseline.

The baseline risk for someone who has never had sunburn (if such a person even exists) is unfathombly low.

Skin cancer rates are higher than they have ever been attributed to those (primarily women) over 55 high UV exposure when they were younger.

Those 55+ year olds are not people who got sun burnt once when they were a child.

Those are people who routinely get burnt every summer and who deliberately lie flat on the ground whenever it is sunny.

We used to use cooking oil and lie on our extensions. We are also the sunbed generation. As dark as our Elizabeth Arden toasty beige, sponge on foundation was, it didn't beat having a tan. White wine consumption increases skin and breast cancer. However I do think around ten years ago the figures were inflated because of WW2 egypt etc campaign veterans. Men definitely didn't wear sunscreen.

BrendaSmall · 23/05/2026 22:26

EmptyRoundabout · 23/05/2026 19:59

You must be trolling.

It was 28°c today where I am, from the look of the adults in the Co-Op this evening, it definitely was enough to get very burnt.

Show quote history

It certainly wasn’t that hot where I was!
i was wearing jeans, hoody , t shirt and coat on the Devon / Cornwall border!

salsapasta · 23/05/2026 22:25

Dad should send the message

Sevenh · 23/05/2026 21:57

The success of your communication with MIL depends on your relationship with her.

If you get on well with her and she was doing you a favour by looking after your child, I would certainly do what another poster said and say thank you for having her, she had a lovely time but she did manage to get quite badly burned. In future she must wear her rash vest and I’ll have a word with her to make sure she knows this for next time. Then you’re getting the message over without causing offence.

As a grandma I would absolutely want to know if I had acted in a way that had caused my grandchild harm.

Twasasurprise · 23/05/2026 21:46

TeaPot496 · 23/05/2026 21:33

I don't know why people are banging on about how HOT it was. It is UV that damages your skin, not heat. You can burn in 12C in the sun in April.

I guess if it was 12c in April the child wouldn't have been stripped off down to pants/ swimsuit by the pool all day. The heat led to the adults in charge putting the child in danger without sensible clothing or UV protection.

Goodmorningeveryone26 · 23/05/2026 21:44

I do think that one way or another you need to let mil know so she can prevent it happening again when she looks after her

shuggles · 23/05/2026 21:40

@Wynter25 I like to use a sunbed now and again.

Stop doing so.

shuggles · 23/05/2026 21:38

@BeOchreDog A single case of bad sunburn in childhood doubles the lifetime risk of skin cancer.

That's a doubled risk over the baseline.

The baseline risk for someone who has never had sunburn (if such a person even exists) is unfathombly low.

Skin cancer rates are higher than they have ever been attributed to those (primarily women) over 55 high UV exposure when they were younger.

Those 55+ year olds are not people who got sun burnt once when they were a child.

Those are people who routinely get burnt every summer and who deliberately lie flat on the ground whenever it is sunny.

TeaPot496 · 23/05/2026 21:33

I don't know why people are banging on about how HOT it was. It is UV that damages your skin, not heat. You can burn in 12C in the sun in April.

Isitme2026 · 23/05/2026 21:30

I do think you need to say something but without sending the picture that way.
I think I'd say DD has got some sunburn, so it looks like she'll need more regular applications of sunscreen in future. Show photo if she's dismissive in any way.
If nothing is said it will likely happen again.

Bunnyofhope · 23/05/2026 21:29

KoalaKoKo · 23/05/2026 21:04

Team rash vest - sun screen washes off even when it says waterproof and it means while in the water they are unprotected even if you reapply. She’d have been better off letting her go in in a t-shirt and shorts/leggings rather than knickers. I would maybe ask if you can keep a spare uv suit at her house because she got burnt the last time so you think the sunscreen must have washed off.

This is perfect.

MyLimeGuide · 23/05/2026 21:22

No dont send that message it will end badly, wait till you see her next time.