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Original poster

Contraception long term relationship

54 replies

Bbkjgvbbvv · 23/05/2026 13:27

A contraception one for those in your mid40s. Before having kids, I used to take care of contraception- hormonal but had to stop as have very high blood pressure and a coil but that made me anemic. After we had kids, I asked Dh if he could have the snip as we were done and I didn't want to have to be the only one managing contraception. Dh refused and floated idea of just using condoms. In practice, he never thinks of it and we did have an accidentally pregnancy that I miscarried. Since then we essentially don't have sex. This has obviously created resentment, especially from his side. I have tried to discuss it with him that it's not just a me issue but he thinks am just being difficult. I guess from my side, I resent that he didn't have the snip nor does he seem to think it's really his problem.

OP posts:
HedgehogShoes · 23/05/2026 14:24

We've been using condoms as only form of contraception for ten years, as soon as we knew we were done having kids. Every now and then I offer to go back on pill to allow a bit more spontaneity in sex but DH doesn't mind and I'd rather not mess around with my hormones.

DH takes responsibility for keeping condoms stocked up and we use them every time. Never had any accidents. Don't know why your DH is making an issue of it.

KojaksLollipop · 23/05/2026 14:24

I had the coil after having my dc, firstly the copper coil with no hormones and then changed to mirena.

My DH had the snip after a few years.

My friends DH adamantly didn’t want anymore dc but also didn’t want to have the snip. She started talking about how lovely other babies were and generally acting all broody. Her DH changed his mind and got the snip pretty quickly after that, which is exactly the outcome she wanted. Manipulative, hmm maybe! Lol

ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/05/2026 14:23

Bbkjgvbbvv · 23/05/2026 14:21

Things aren't great day to day but from Dh's side that's probably his biggest resentment. The other is that he snores really badly, partly due to sleeping pills and partly due to biology. We didn't used to share a room, he moved back into main bedroom but I can't sleep. Again, he seems to think it's a me problem.

And you think everything is a him problem. You’ve said you resent him too. Maybe marriage counselling is worth a shot?

BuffetTheDietSlayer · 23/05/2026 14:22

Not sure whether I feel secure only using condoms..
Whenever we have sex which isn't often, we don't use any contraception.

Im sorry, but that’s one of the most stupid things I’ve ever read on here. You don’t feel secure using condoms but are happy to have sex using no contraception? Confused

Original poster
Bbkjgvbbvv · 23/05/2026 14:21

Things aren't great day to day but from Dh's side that's probably his biggest resentment. The other is that he snores really badly, partly due to sleeping pills and partly due to biology. We didn't used to share a room, he moved back into main bedroom but I can't sleep. Again, he seems to think it's a me problem.

OP posts:
littleorangefox · 23/05/2026 14:18

Bbkjgvbbvv · 23/05/2026 14:08

What do others use as their main form of contraception once done with having babies and how did you negotiate it?

Condoms. I also have a Mirena coil but we use condoms too mainly because I don't like the cleanup 😂 I also cannot take the pill and wouldn't have an implant or injection.

My husband knows it's non-negotiable and if he wants sex then that's how it is.

If you don't want to/can't have certain types of contraception in your body that's completely fine just as he is entitled to refuse a vasectomy. But if he wants sex, and if you do too of course, then condoms have to be purchased and used every time.

Daybydayhour · 23/05/2026 14:14

Pinkflamingo10 · 23/05/2026 13:33

If he wants to have sex he can wear condoms or have the snip. Simples.

Totally this - repeat over and over

TheCurious0range · 23/05/2026 14:13

Bbkjgvbbvv · 23/05/2026 14:08

What do others use as their main form of contraception once done with having babies and how did you negotiate it?

Having to negotiate contraception doesn't sound like a relationship I would want to be in

SusanChurchouse · 23/05/2026 14:13

Bbkjgvbbvv · 23/05/2026 14:08

What do others use as their main form of contraception once done with having babies and how did you negotiate it?

Condoms and non penetrative sex for us before and after children. Hormonal contraceptives didn’t work for me. DH intended to get the snip but had to delay due to another health issue then it never felt worth it given our ages.

TheCurious0range · 23/05/2026 14:13

I used the pill until we had DS , DH offered to have the snip, I wasn't 100% about not having another and he was happy either way so we waited a bit, I then had a false positive test at the hospital when I was there for something else (I have hormone issues so they did say it might not be accurate) I then had to test over the next few weeks, I wasn't pregnant and my feelings at that time told me I definitely didn't want another, so DH had a vasectomy. It's a day procedure and he recovered in a few days. It's a lot less intrusive than birthing a child. He either needs to have one or use condoms religiously. I don't think I could be with a man so selfish to be honest.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/05/2026 14:09

Bbkjgvbbvv · 23/05/2026 14:05

We don't currently have any condoms. Whenever we have sex which isn't often, we don't use any contraception.

Buy some condoms? Then use them even if you don’t have sex often. It’s pointless resenting each other for lack of sex life when you don’t even have condoms. Sounds like there are far bigger issues in this relationship though. Guessing things aren’t good day to day?

Original poster
Bbkjgvbbvv · 23/05/2026 14:08

What do others use as their main form of contraception once done with having babies and how did you negotiate it?

OP posts:
OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 23/05/2026 14:07

Pill then the snip after we were done with babies

Original poster
Bbkjgvbbvv · 23/05/2026 14:05

We don't currently have any condoms. Whenever we have sex which isn't often, we don't use any contraception.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/05/2026 14:01

Do you not suggest using the condoms? You make it sound like he doesn’t suggest them so you just have unprotected sex.

Original poster
Bbkjgvbbvv · 23/05/2026 13:59

He bought some condoms years ago. Not sure whether I feel secure only using condoms. We used them when we first got together but that was over twenty years ago. I also don't think he quite realizes that this is what it means. He never suggests contraception on the few occasions we have sex. Guess I also don't feel supported when I miscarried. It wasn't planned but it not like he remembers it really or thinks we should use something so we don't go through that again. He seems to have blanked over that.

OP posts:
GirlsNightOoout · 23/05/2026 13:56

Contraception is recommended up to age 50 to 55 mimimum to avoid pregnancy

Suggest speak to him again about options

ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/05/2026 13:56

You’ve not really made it clear why you don’t just use condoms? If he doesn’t want the snip then that’s up to him but what exactly is the problem with condoms?

Angelchick1971 · 23/05/2026 13:55

I had my tubes tied and it was the most liberating thing I've done. Literally half an hour under GA and two weeks off work to recover(physical job) Best thing I've ever done for myself.

Original poster
Bbkjgvbbvv · 23/05/2026 13:55

Guess am pissed off because I essentially took care of contraception for ten years despite it having detrimental effects on me. He didn't care that I was anemic, nor that am on blood pressure meds now. He just doesn't think of it. But I don't want another miscarriage, am mid40s so definitely don't want more kids. He thinks am just being annoying.

OP posts:
Vaxtable · 23/05/2026 13:52

iamfedupwiththis · 23/05/2026 13:47

Contraceptive implant?

Why should op have to take responsibility? She’s already said she has had issues

i really don’t get why me think it’s a women’s responsibility

Op he has a choice

snip, ok his body his choice
condoms
abstention

i would explain again the impact on your body including pregnancy and miscarriage and it’s his turn to take responsibility now which option does he want

Coffecakeicing · 23/05/2026 13:50

Definitely a him problem and shows you exactly how selfish he is.

Do not risk another pregnancy with him.

rainbowsparkle28 · 23/05/2026 13:50

iamfedupwiththis · 23/05/2026 13:47

Contraceptive implant?

Implants are hormonal contraception - given OP has said had issues with hormonal contraception before I assume won’t be suitable. Aside from that, he is just as responsible for preventing pregnancy.
OP - either no sex or he gets the snip. Simple. I could not be with someone that didn’t view it equally as their responsibility.

MrsShawnHatosy · 23/05/2026 13:49

iamfedupwiththis · 23/05/2026 13:47

Contraceptive implant?

Says in the OP that she can’t use hormonal contraception because she has very high blood pressure.

Octavia64 · 23/05/2026 13:48

This seems like a him problem.

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