AIBU to feel annoyed my son gave his friend's mum the wrong impression?

Depends how you yourself understand your son's ASD. If you treat it as 'get out of jail free' card and deep down you think your son is normal, then of course you should be pissed off with him. If, on the other hand, you you think his ASD means he is a sick child, then why the hell should you be pissed off with him - he is not well.

this is completely fine? and completely logical. maybe i would
add the extra step of getting son to hand note to teacher and teacher to pass it on to the other mum, just to make a bit extra sure it gets there without getting lost/ the communication happens well, but generally i dont know why you’re getting so many odd comments on this thread, about the way you’ll hand the money back, or indeed the phone issue. remarkable level of busybodiness over the way you choose to parent your child, clearly knowing him and his situation best!

Well that was very high at the time. 20 years ago myDD1 was a teen. I certainly couldn't have afforded to give her that much spending money a month for " stuff"

She had a job for that kind of thing ( once a week paper round) which paid about £10 a week. That's was her money for non essentials

Why do you think it’s a good idea to make unpleasant posts?

I think that's very generous. We're you an only child? I never got pocket money at all so am always fascinated by those that did. I'm 20 years older than you though so maybe times were different.

Why do you think OP can’t draft her own response?

I'm sorry but this made me laugh!
(I'd love to know what the full story is - but I haven't read to the end yet, so maybe you've explained it later on)

To my eyes it's a bit odd for a friends Mum to give your child money and would now be in debt to her. If your worried what she thinks about you, just take her to one side and explain while giving back the £5. All parents are different about money. My in laws ard happy to loan but they expect full repayment, my parents give us handouts and never asked for a penny back.

Spending money on your kid's friends, e.g. buying them an ice cream when you’re buying one for your own child, is not the same as giving them cash. If OP just says thank you the friend's mum will have no idea that OP didn’t like it and doesn’t want it to happen again.

I’d be annoyed with the friend's mum, not your son. She shouldn’t be giving money to other people's children.

I'd send it back to her, with a note. "It was really kind of you to give DS some money but I’m returning it to you as I think he probably didn’t explain the situation clearly. He gets a generous allowance but wanted a small advance on next month's allowance so he could afford to buy something expensive that he wanted. As part of our efforts to teach him about budgeting we agreed to the advance, but made it clear it would be deducted, as agreed, from next month's allowance (which would still leave him with plenty).
I appreciate that you meant well, and thank you once again, but we don’t allow him to accept money from people outside our family."

It would probably be best to send it back with a note in an envelope to avoid further misunderstandings. And add your phone number

That makes sense. It would be useful to have her number anyway, if they travel together and he’s friends with her son.

£50, 20 years ago was also a lot - particularly for a 13 year old.

Are you not worried about what he might say when he gives it back? You’ve acknowledged that things get lost in translation - hence the original misunderstanding - but now you’re using the same method to return the money .
“Mum says I have to give you this back as I shouldn’t have accepted it, and I have to pay my own debts”. The other mum I’ll think that not only is he kept in abject poverty, but he’s not even allowed to accept gifts from others!

You are not being unreasonable, my DD is ASD and very nearly got us in trouble with social services by saying to a teacher she sleeps in a shed outside, apparently it was the end of class and she was in a rush so just blurted it out without giving the full story and didn’t think that would be an issue, she got pulled out of class by the safeguarding team and thankfully cleared up the confusion but definitely not a nice feeling that someone thinks you’re a bad parent even if its only for a day- hopefully your DS will clear things up with the mum and it will be fine.

And he should def have a phone. They all do and it will limit his social life if he doesn't.

@Merryoldgoat She was trying to be kind. Don't be mad at her- just explain the situation.

You said it once... while I was cross-posting

Calm down love

Your autistic son travels independently on public transport with no phone? What if something happened him...

That's not the point people are making. We are saying that you as the parent should be talking to the other mother to clarify the situation.