Putting the word kindly before whatever you are saying, isnt being kind

Exactly what I was going to say.

Totalky agree, OP.

actually, if we are talking tone - Kindly is the written equivalent of the tinkly laugh

I feel like we could have a good chat about Molly

Molly, I know people believing you to be a nice person is really important to you but unfortunately your actions make that belief quite tough to maintain. For example, when you told Sarah that you didn’t want to be mean but her arse is enormous, that wasn’t very nice. you big raving bitch

Thank you OP. Now I know how to start the conversation with my colleague that I actually don't think she is as 'nice' as she wants (pathologically) everyone to believe.

"Kindly 'Molly' I do think you're actually not as nice you want everyone to think......". Hopefully I'll get a chance to point out her 'right bitch' tendencies before it goes horribly wrong/bursts into tears/big mean THING,etc.

I always take this to mean ‘cruel to be kind’ as in the word kindly is included to let the recipient know the following hard to hear words’ are intended with kindness and not in a nasty way - coming from a good place

Kindly, you are completely fucking wrong and doubtless very thick generally. I will now detach you with love.

Same here diagnosed last year. Always conscious of coming across in the wrong way, but can see how is might sound condescending.

I've used it a couple of times on MN. It's just that tone is so hard to accurately convey - I'm also awaiting an assessment for AuDHD, so I've always been accused of being too blunt. So I guess I can't win 🤷‍♀️

It is often used as the magic word that allows you to be nasty without being accountable for hurtful words.

It's the same as "I'm not being nasty, but...". You know it's likely to be followed by a bucket full of spiteful bile.

I think posters often do it because they think their nasty comment is less likely to be removed if it's prefixed with "kindly".

I have used 'Kindly' on here recently. I meant it literally in the context it was used.

I've known her since a very young age and she's otherwise OK. I just don't trust her loaded questions.

That's gossip, not friendship

I agree.

There's always a better way to phrase things, it's not difficult. If you're being cruel to be kind don't bother with the mealy mouthed 'kindly' in front.

Not at all. a question like 'Does this dress make me look fat?' is a loaded one. I would not answer a loaded question with Yes or No.

A friend of mine asks question like 'Do you think Molly is a flirt?'. If I say yes, she will tell Molly 'Blee said you were a flirt'. I never answer such questions just turn them back with 'Do you?'

In a sing song voice 🤣

“No offence but you’re a fucking useless parent”

It disguises an order. Schoolteacher speak.
’Kindly stop talking, get out your pens and open the text at page 1”

But in the example, ‘kindly, you’re a terrible parent’

how would you say that in a ‘kind’ tone?

I disagree actually, because tone is critical to communication and we are writing not speaking, so you can’t hear how someone is saying something.

I don't want to get into a to and fro but I guess you struggle with answering straight questions truthfully with straight answers.

I guess you have the diplomatic skills of a sledgehammer.

I used to work with someone who put “ polite reminder” at the beginning of every note, message, email she ever sent. In my head she was saying I’m going to nag you about something but if I put polite at the beginning you can’t moan at me. It actually made my teeth itch it was so irritating. Same woman used to eat half a biscuit from the tin in the staff room but then put the other half back in the tin. Because she couldn’t possibly manage a whole one. Which no one coming along later would eat so we ended up with basically a tin of crumbs.

But if her arse did look big in it how can you be positive?. Why would you lie and leave her open to other people saying 'oh, why didn't she just ask a friend if her arse looked big in that?'.

What would you say when she asks why you didn't just tell her?

Lying isn't kind, it's daft.

A kind statement should be self evident. It is the equivalent of im not a racist but...