AIBU to want a cleaner when my partner refuses to contribute?

you earn nearly double but expect him to pay 50% of everything... you should pay more anyway so yes it makes sense for you to pay a cleaner but if your standards are such then you might have difficulty finding a good one

You are not compatible, sorry but it's that simple.

You are not "wrong" to like a pristine home - and you are ready to pay for the priviledge

He's not "wrong" to not care about mess and dirt, and he doesn't have to change , it's his home too. it's only a problem when he doesn't care only because you are doing all the work.

Your choice is to tolerate the mess, and it's never going to improve.
Or move out.

You are working from 9 to 9/ midnight, there's no reason whatsoever why you can't have a 5* hotel home when there's no one in it all day! Some people enjoy the mess and don't see the dirt, it's their choice, you are not wrong to want something .. clean?

I’m confused by the voting. YANBU to pay for a cleaner if you want one, but YABU to insist your DH pays or to be resentful about him not paying. If you want things “5* hotel spotless” then that’s on you and very unreasonable to expect anyone else to facilitate.

I was thinking this too. How much mess can be made in an hour or two before bed and how can a relationship be sustained if one person works 9am - midnight. I’d hire the cleaner so I could spend time with my partner or chilling out instead of working, cleaning, sleeping every day

Think long and hard about this relationship.
This is who he is and will not get better.
Certainly do not marry him and end up givjng him 50% of what you have.

Not a man to have children with either, that's for sure.
You are a flatmate, not a team.

At least you have the cop on not to be subbing him.

It’s unlikely that a cleaner will reach your standards but if you get one you should pay for them.

So you make him pay half despite earning a lot more, he cleans but not to your standard so you want him to pay even more towards a cleaner.

hmm…

a man doing this would be called abusive.

You earn twice what he earns but split bills 50:50? That doesn’t seem fair. I think with that in mind, you could splash out fit a cleaner out of your own pocket.

I disagree.

The home is clean.
There are 2 of them and both are barely home anyway.

OP wants it 5* clean and so it’s reasonable that she puts more effort in or pays for a cleaner if she’s got such unrealistic standards.

I‘m with your DH.

If you want a cleaner, then you pay for it.

I can’t see how your home is messy or dirty anyway.

Sounds like this relationship is not very compatible.

Are you actually in love or just basically house sharing?

Have less stuff have have less to clean.

This relationship doesn’t have any legs. Just end it. Or at least live apart. You are never going to live together compatibility

If he won’t share the workload then a cleaner is the solution. However, seeing as he earns so much less than you I can understand why he doesn’t want to pay for it when you split everything else 50-50 but give him the choice he takes on more of the domestic load or pays half for a cleaner or even a third towards the cleaner.

If hes generally supportive I wouldn't see this as being a big deal. He has less disposable income than you and doesn't want to spend it on something he doesnt prioritise. If hes not so supportive it sounds like you are using this as a proxy way to be annoyed at him in which case deal with the bigger issue.

You earn double, you want 5☆ clean then you pay for cleaner

I agree.

So DH works 9-6 and goes to the gym before work.
You work 9-9.

There are no other people living in this place?

how much cleaning can it need?

I’ll be honest op, you will struggle to get a cleaner to meet your standards on a standard 3 hour clean too. I’ve given up on cleaners because the standards have been very disappointing despite the fact I’m not even fussy (you pay a cleaner to clean the whole room including the corners for instance)

Your life sounds like one miserable grind OP.

absolutely.

you'll be mad to pay for cleaner so she can clean rented flat. I would get your own place, then hire help.

You need to address the 5star cleaning fine for you but it’s completely unreasonable to expect some to have that standard and must be extremely difficult to live with

id run for the hills grew up in a sterile house ridiculous

his 30% I would say is equivalent to 50% of normal
I might be projecting but id guess what ever he does you’ll pick fault with

this is on you

Is the 5* spotless what he describes your completely normal average person standards or is it your own description that you know you like stuff cleaner than most people?

It depends. You mention liking things 5* spotless but does thslat mean you redo what he does because it's not to your standard,
or is it because you expect a room to be dusted every day? He says he doesn't notice the dust so does that mean if left to him dusting would never get done if you didn't do it abd that he would happily leave dirty dishes and kitchen spills for days. Or just that he would dust once a week and possibly leave the dishes for a few hours and only mop the floor once a week. If the reason you do 70% is because you need everything perfect 100% of the time then yes you should pay and maybe think about why you need everything 5* perfect. Especially if you think you may have children in the future because that level of order and cleanliness will be virtually impossible to maintain without impacting your children's play. If it's because he only does anything beyond his own laundry if you nag then both pay, but he needs to do much better.