‘We’re so lucky that my husband can work from home’ - AIBU?

This is a good way to describe it.

During the day it becomes his work not our home as a primary function.

In the evening or on weekends when he isn't working, it's not the same.

Unfortunately there isn't an option for us to shove DH in a shed, as much as that's a very tempting thought.

My DH used to work shifts and I hated having to keep the kids quiet while he slept, it was like I had to have eyes on them all the time time and was constantly telling them to shush. It’s hard work when you should be relaxing.

My husband can't WFH but i look forward all week to his 3 days off. Love having my husband around at home.

I think it must be difficult if you do feel a sense of obligation in some way to be productive or don’t feel able to be yourself or do what you want to do. It’s not something I’ve had to deal with, I do whatever I would if he weren’t here working and vice versa, neither of us have any qualms about watching TV or having a bath or doing something fun with kids while the other is working. It’s genuinely not really something I’ve ever thought about. But every relationship is different.

Partly! He started home working during COVID and has never gone back. The flexibility is wonderful in many ways. He's there for breakfast and pops his head out after school to get all the goss from the kids day, never misses dinner. The kids have a lot of time with both of us that they'd miss if we were commuting and out of the house for more hours. There are lots of positives.

I personally found it tough in the v early days when I was on mat leave. I chose to EBF and sometimes that meant it was way easier for DH to settle the baby as he didn't smell of milk. Knowing he was just in the next room when I was finding things really difficult and he could do it in far less time took a lot of self restraint not to call on him. I've heard similar stories in reverse when the primary caregiver is present but the secondary parent is taking the lead that day and struggling. You know that the other person could do it quicker/more easily and they're right there!!! It made it more of a mental mountain as you knew assistance was only metres away but it was the right thing to do not to call for it, whereas if he'd been out of the house I'd have had to get on with it.

DH gets fomo when everyone sounds like they're having fun, and wants to help when it sounds like chaos. Both of which are positive things really, but sometimes the aftermath of him intervening for a few minutes can be that it takes longer to reset back into the rhythm of him not being around. So can relate to the OP in that way.

So many people not reading o.p's comments and instinctively going after the husband

I completely get it. My DS works from home three days a week. He’s described it as more like living at work. The whole family are impacted by him being there.

He’s now moved into an office in the garden and it’s so much better for everyone.

The o.p has already said he doesn't complain.....

Well that’s a shame! He wouldn’t change his plans just ‘for you’?!

In that case all you can do is try your best to shift your mindset about the week. Be determinedly AT HOME WITH THE KIDS and ignore any of his needs to wfh. Make noise, put the TV on loud and sing along to music.
Make lunch just for you and the kids, and carry on as though he is simply not there.
He may decide himself he’d be better off in the office.

Houses are homes first. It is your and the children's home. Crack on as usual. Let the children be children at home. It is up to him to close doors and enforce his workspace. If it's too noisy for him or the children are interrupting him too often then he has a workplace he can go to. He nor you should absolutely not be shushing children or asking them to tiptoe around their own home so he can work. If he wants to work from home then he accepts its a home. If he wants quiet and peace then he goes to the workplace.

My DH works from home full time and I have been extremely clear that it is our home. Our children are entitled to play, have friends over and do normal children things in their home. I don't let them shout or squeal inside as a general family house rule but normal child play is fine. I don't close doors in the house, our children are allowed to roam around our house. All work boundaries are his responsibility as the one who has chosen to work from home. It is up to him to close his office door, it is up to him to tell the children he is at work when they come into his office. I crack on with the hoovering/ washing/ tumble drying and other household chores whilst he works. If it's too noisy/ busy or chaotic for him to work he is more than welcome to aquire himself an office space outside the house. Same as if his client requires silence/ a quiet work environment, I expect him to source one out of the house. I will not have our home a workplace.

What sort of house set up do you have? I get the difference between the peace of managing the DC in a hot half term with or without sharing a self declared “office”.

If the house is big enough to work well away from the communal areas in an upstairs or garden office/loo its a lot less stressful than if communal space is dominated and the DC are constantly being disrupted. Being unable to just “get on with stuff” in your own home is stressful.

WFH has many plus points but not usually for the rest of the family who find their home turned into a unfunded office.

The answer to “what are you watching” is “the most brain dead fodder I can find, is that OK?”. Have you tried saying “I don’t mind providing free office space for MegaCorp mostly but when I’m also home and wrangling the DC it makes my life more difficult”?

You also have a stressful job, YANBU to want some peace next week.

Yes thats exactly it! I think its because he works at home so much he likes someone to talk to, i work in customer service so I would prefer not to talk to anyone at all on my days off 🤣

Be glad he's not a shift worker and in bed!

My husband works from home full time and our preschool son has always been home 2-5 of the days. We just get on with what we’re doing and it’s never been an issue. I don’t let him absolutely scream the place down, but I wouldn’t anyway. The benefits of him not commuting and being able to have a lunch time with us mean I’ve always considered it a bonus that he can WFH.

It sounds like your husband hasn’t actually said you need to behave a certain way if he’s WFH, so I think it’s a bit odd that you’re putting that pressure on yourself.

If he’s on zoom it has noise cancelling so your noise won’t be impacting on his colleagues - I’ve had a kitchen and a bathroom done next to my home office and no one heard a peep and I’m on calls all the time. If your noise bothers him then he has the option to go to the office so he’s alright too.

Get on with your half term and enjoy your week off - I don’t have enough holidays so I’m working sadly and the weather is meant to be great 😊

But he might not be fussed about the noise so you're worrying for nothing. And it doesn't have to be a big thing, just after work one day say "hope the kids didn't disrupt you", if no, stop worrying unnecessarily. If he says yes, well at least you know! And can maybe find a compromise (white noise for him, you go out for key calls, he goes into office more)

I do understand where you’re coming from. I am pregnant with our first and my husband will be leaving his job when baby arrives to be a SAHD. Main reason for him leaving his job is so that he can be at home so I won’t miss as much of baby growing up. I still have to work obvs but I want to hear them in the house.
It wouldn’t even cross his mind that I’m working away in a separate room. Do you think your husband is working at home this week just so that he can be present and maybe feel like he’s not missing what’s going on?

Half term is about lazy mornings and activities all day, Yanbu. I’d insist that he goes into the office.

My husband works from home 95% off the time (I work three days a week in the office) I absolutely hate the fact hes here all the time, I cant get in the bedroom where he works, he interrupts me constantly to talk about his work, he makes a mess while im trying to do the housework, I dont feel like I can relax ive mentioned it to him and he was just offended.

Ive worked at home since the 1990s (and way before that if you count studying for my various degrees) and I HATE anyone trespassing onto my territory. It does change the vibe no matter how quiet and considerate they are. In my case the nearest to having a DH (I am single) is having a workman come in to do a long job. I always feel like my home is not my own although I do get on with computer jobs and leave them to it. I cant wait to see the back of them. When I was renting I loathed inspections and always arranged to have a friend around having a coffee when they occured. That made the EA feel uncomfortable so the intervals between got longer and longer.

Why is that surprising?