‘We’re so lucky that my husband can work from home’ - AIBU?

Yes, and he's trying to work, to earn money for the family! It would be very mean, and petty, to deliberately make it hard for him.

Where are you trying to work? If it’s the kitchen table then it’s not sustainable.

Where is your DH working when wfh.

I hate it when DH gets up in the morning and declares “I think I’ll work from home today”.

I 100% wfh and feel like he is invading my space and peace when he’s here. He irritates me just coming down to the kitchen to make himself a coffee! I can’t really explain why, I love him and love spending time with him in the evenings and on weekends, but during the working week I just want him where he belongs in his office in town and leave the house to me and the dog!

It’s even worse when the teens are off school and I have a houseful of my family whilst I’m trying to work!

This.

Do people really act very differently & hide their true self’s around their partners? I presumed it was only serial killers who did that not people worried about TV choices!

But why can’t you relax? You are on holiday. He’s not complaining about noise.

Your preference for him being away because it makes things clear is also odd. Are you actually happy

Its like the feeling of if he goes away for the night and you can just dump the plates on the table until the morning knowing it doesn't affect anyone else and watch whatever you like without having to ask what he'd like and find a happy compromise - but on steroids. It's that kind of freedom. He hasn't asked or expected those things normally but it's basic none selfishness.

I genuinely don’t understand this. Why would you not dump the plates if he was there?
If we want to watch different things we watch separately

I agree. I work hard when I’m working. When I’m not working the fact that DH still is doesn’t make me feel guilty or tiptoe round the house.

Dh technically works from home 4 out of 5 days. He’s self employed and only goes onto the job site once a week to check the employees haven’t burned it down. 😂

We do not tiptoe around him. You choose to work from the kitchen table, you have people eating lunch around you. It’s a bit different because when I used to wfh, it’s because I had no other option. But if you choose to be at home, you have to deal with normal family noise, especially during the holidays. It’s an odd choice. Seems intentionally difficult.

As a mum who WFH 3 days a week I totally get you. If my husband has time off, with or without the kids, I try to spend more time at the office and tbh I prefer it then working while he is home, especially if it's the school holidays!

I also do an exercise class one evening a week and I don't come home between work and the class as it disrupts the kids.

I seperated from my ex husband over a decade ago but Covid/shift to working from home would have done for us anyway, no doubt about that. Although he was/is perhaps a fairly irritating person, it was as much that I am someone who needs space and time to myself completely (not including the children fully in that, for some reason it's different with them, maybe because I could control them more 🤣). Arguably, I should never really have even attempted the whole nuclear family thing. I'm not saying this is you OP but the whole 'I love my husband being around and we get to have lunch together' 😀 thing makes me feel like something is pressing down on my chest. If this is you, then I think it's hard to deny your basic nature.

This is mad. I do all of this stuff while my partner is home. If he has work on and I don’t (like I said, we’re freelance) I’ll happily stay in bed til lunchtime while he works and vice versa. I have never felt in the least bit guilty. This is entirely a you problem!

I completely understand. It’s just having to be aware of him when you just want to get on with what you’d usually do - whether that is making a mess/ noise etc. Just wait till he retires if he goes before you 😂

Does he actually complain about you doing any of these things though or is this you self-policing? I’ve never felt that I can’t watch crap, read, have the radio on, hoover, have some alone time in the bedroom (I literally mean being alone, not a euphemism!) or generally do whatever I want when my partner is there. Likewise he will sit and play guitar, that’s the only thing I have to tell him not to do if I have a work call coming up.

There have been many studies showing that single women are happier and many threads on here about women finding daily life easier when their DH goes away

Honestly, it sounds as though you don’t like him very much? Is that so?
In which case, you’re right, this is a bigger problem than half term house sharing, and more about your whole relationship.

And for us, him (and me) WFH is great because during breaks we can stick laundry on, do some cleaning, he can watch DC if I have a quick appointment or need to pop out or vice versa. It offers us so much flexibility and extra time together. We have evenings all to spend together doing enjoyable stuff because between us we can get everything that needs to be done during the day.

If you have a husband who doesn’t really do any of the house/life admin or who creates more work by being home then I get it, or if you don’t have a proper office setup or a husband who demands silence or unreasonable accommodation or a husband where you feel you need to be ‘on’ all the time or proving something.

But personally I love having DH around and I hope he says the same about me, I think we are very lucky with the setup we have and I think the kids get a tremendous amount from it too. WFH has made this little kid portion of life so much easier and enjoyable. But every family and relationship is different.

Same here. I love alone time and downtime but my partner and I both WFH in a one bed flat! It’s fine, I like having him there to chat to throughout the day. If I want some quiet alone time either he or I will go into the bedroom. It’s fine. I can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone whose presence made me feel like that and I’d be annoyed if he felt like this about me. We don’t have an office, we’re freelancers.

I love my husband working from home. I too WFH. Our children are older now but I would have literally given my arm to have him at home when they were little. He has always had over an hour commute to & from the office (which is so expensive). & obviously takes up so much time!

I love his company & have never ever felt like having his presence around has been a bad thing. Quite the opposite actually- I find it comforting.

i hope next week goes well, you may find you actually really enjoy it 😊

The more of your posts I read the more I think you should think a bit more about whether you are happy with him.

It's not a good sign that you feel it to be pointless to say how you feel as obviously he wouldn't change anything.

It's also not a good sign that you are happier when he is working away.

I totally get it OP. This is your break from the noisy busy ever reactive arena of school, where you will still be ‘on’ entertaining your children and now there’s a potential audience. Teaching is hard. My children are adults and it’s only now I relax/enjoy the Easter holidays. When they were younger my ex wouldn’t go on holiday (self employed) so there was no ‘break’ for me and the terms before are so tough going. Could your husband do the kids lunches and you skip out for 45 minutes of silence? X

I absolutely love having my husband around, but I do think little kids changes the dynamic when he’s WFH. As much as possible, he only WFH when toddler is at nursery so it’s just us and baby and we can actually enjoy the extra three hours saved by not commuting and having lunch together. Otherwise him being around just makes parenting harder for me as toddler tries to hang out on his zoom calls.

If you can’t relax with your husband in the house,
I would try to work out if it’s about your husband specifically, or you think that would be true with anyone.

I wish DH worked outside of the home more! And I don't have children to worry about. But one of the rooms in our 3 bed terrace has become his office and he's in there 8am to 6.30pm on work days. I don't think it's good for him to be sat at his desk all the time (he's considerably overweight). I LOVE it when he's out for the day or even better for a few days with overnights .