‘We’re so lucky that my husband can work from home’ - AIBU?

Well he clearly does have a choice...so 🤷‍♂️

Is it not so he can see you all? He’s probably feeling a bit sad that you’re all on holiday and he won’t get to hang out with you?

Very much depends on your family dynamic, I guess. DH WFH 3 days a week, and I WFH every day (except the rare day or two a month) and do school hours. It took a bit of getting used to the post-3.30 time for him and DD, but works well for us now.

However, DD knows not to interrupt him and she also knows not to go near his office (which is on a part of the house that is tucked away). She and I are both off next week, and he will likely be around- but I think he finds our needy dog more of an issue than DD! (I certainly do if he is off with DD and I'm not!)

Has he said why? Is he thinking of working the whole day from home or does he do the sort of job where he can break for a few hours do something with you and then work again in the evening? It sounds as annoying from his perspective as it is from yours, is his office shut or doesn't have air con?

Mine WFH all the time and I am hybrid. I tend to purposely take more time off in the holidays as my jobs is flexible in many ways but not quite as autonomous. I find it mostly annoying in the sense I don't feel like I can invite people round as freely. But it has plenty of plus points, like he's almost always about to do any school runs that I can't, same with any evening activities, cooks quite a lot of meals and if I want to pop out anywhere or do an office day he's there (albeit not totally present). Mine are a little older (8 and a teen)

I don't think it says anything bad about your relationship, some people are attached at the hip and some like to have their individual things and connect at more specific points.

Oh I totally get this, its so nice to come home and have the house to myself even for an hour which I only get 1 day a week. DH works at the kitchen table as we have nowhere else for him to work. He does all of the housework and plans/buys most of the meals and strips washes and remakes the bed too so I do feel bad for feeling like this, its just a lightening feeling when I pull up and his car isn't in the drive and I get a bit of time to myself!

I said you are not being unreasonable because I get it but I think you should stop worrying about it. If he can work in a room with the door closed then proceed as normal as if he wasn't there. If anything disturbs his work I'm sure he will let you know. Otherwise your are creating a problem that isn't there.

Really depends on a few factors;

• your dhs personality
• your home/home office set up
• your dhs job/work calendar

Personally I love dh working from home. He works for himself, so he decides his calendar and nobody tracks his calls or movements. We have 2 doors and a corridor separating the office and rhe rest of the house so noise isn't an issue and the kids have no reason to go bother him/see him. We normally get some time in together (dog walk, lunch etc) and he has no commute home so can pick kids up from clubs, cook dinner and generally be a partner for the whole evening not just 7 or 8pm onwards..
I totally get you though, sounds like you have to juggle everything and try and be quiet/supportive of dh whilst explaining to the kids they can't see daddy who is clearly in the house. I think we are lucky, we get coffee dates, he can take breaks and put on the washing, answer the door, do a school or activity run, make a lunch, make me a coffee, hang out with us and be genuinely present from 6pm onwards when his calls tend to finish. The downside is he will often dip into work at weekends or evenings, especially if clients are US based as their working days are longer, but I prefer the level of flexibility generally....

Sorry hit post too soon. I like my home days but I would feel suffocated if the shoe was on the other foot and I never got the house to myself! My family aren’t particularly noisy, but I appreciate they do still have to keep it down when I’m on the phone to clients etc. I get that might be annoying but also they do need to suck it up to an extent as I pay most of the bills!

Oh, I can see both sides. I wfh for 5 years until last year. It was good but one of the reasons I went back to hybrid was appreciating that other people in the house need space and time with me not there! I’m now 2 days in the office 3 from home.

@birdsinginthemorning could be partly a teacher thing? I'm absolutely peopled out.
I want to have a cup of tea on my own and not be joined by someone. Or cook or do whatever without conversation. The kids would disappear and play or watch a film for a while. I get it.

I get it OP. I think it's part of my makeup. I'm not a complete introvert but I do find time alone refreshes me. I also hate being asked questions about what I'm doing (especially when it's obvious) and feel guilty when I am relaxing when someone is working.
My dad worked nights when I was a child and I hated it and swore I would never marry a shiftworker. It was a nightmare for my mum keeping 4 children quiet while he slept.

I love my husband but when he works from home which is rare I absolutely hate it. The kids aren’t a fan either 😂 Not sure why either it just annoys me 🤣

My husband used to work from home and I felt similar. He would say to pretend he wasn't there if we needed something but when it came to making noise then all of a sudden that sentiment went out the window! 🫣

Oh I only like me WFH’ing. The house is mine. I just let other family members stay here.

This is completely hypocritical given you WFH. What if he said “I’m working from home today so you need to go somewhere else”. You wouldn’t like that, would you!

OP I told my dh to go back to the office after covid as it was fra harder work keeping the kids quiet and busy out of the house than when he was in the office. I told him straight it was mkre work than anything so please go back to the office. He went and now rhey are older will WTF when they are sick or in school. Thats fine but it was just much more work when rhey were young. Tell him id he is WTF that's fine bur its the kids home so he needs to expect a lot of noise and chaos around him

@birdsinginthemorning I completely relate to this. I’m also a teacher off with the kids in the holidays. DH wfh 2 days a week and I find it stressful and feel constantly monitored.
I have gone deep with this and realised that I feel judged when he’s around. It’s really not him - he asks innocent questions and is interested in my day.
In my case - it’s a feeling from childhood of never being good enough and having to work hard to please my mum (and grandparents). I am putting huge pressure on myself to be productive, quiet, considerate.
I try to remind myself that he is not judging me or my choices. I literally sit on the sofa and tell myself out loud ‘you are entitled to rest’ or ‘you deserve to sit and have a cuppa’ or ‘you do not exist just to please others.’
Can you identify where this anxiety comes from in you?

My OH has worked fully remote for nearly 3 years. He has never once complained about us making noise, at the start I used to be conscious about the kids making noise but that passed pretty fast. If he’s in a position that he’s ok to be disturbed, he leaves the door open, during that time the kids know they can say a quick hello, ask for help with homework or show him something cool. When the door is closed it’s do not disturb. It works quite well. You should be able to relax at home, you shouldn’t have to get the kids out just because he’s working. If he can’t tolerate it then he needs to go to the office. It’s as simple as that.

I can’t get my head round what you’re describing tbh. Why would lines be blurred because the man you chose to have children with, is at home.
Do you not like him? Are you afraid of him?
You might need to sit down and reflect on some things. It’s meant to be brilliant weather. Not the time to be stuck at home anyway.

have you ever told him you find it annoying?

Is he though?

some people don’t have a choice about where they work.

there are some really mean comments on here. How dare he work in his own home. 🙄

Totally get it. Same reason I tidy/sort out things much better when he's not here. Sometimes too it's ok not to want to spend every moment with them!

Hope you manage to find a couple of things to do out the house with the kids on the days you've nothing planned!

I don't really get this at all.
I like it when DH works from home as we can get more stuff done, start dinner earlier, get kids to clubs, put a load of laundry on, receive deliveries.
Don't have to remember keys if I go out 😂

I don't do anything differently when he's home and still hoover or put music/TV on. Life goes on as normal.

Nope yanbu i hate it when someone is working i feel judged if I have downtime even though no one says anything and I just feel like I cant fully relax.

But on the flip side I like wfh when thr kids are around so I can be part of things in breaks which is contradictory I know 🤣

I have an office on the ground floor of our house. He has on office on the 1st floor. But it doesn’t matter where I work, like OP, I can just feel his presence and I don’t like it.

I know it’s weird so I never say anything, also it’s his house too! I just love having the house to myself and dog Monday to Friday 9-5.