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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘We’re so lucky that my husband can work from home’ - AIBU?

285 replies

birdsinginthemorning · 23/05/2026 08:43

That’s what a good friend just messaged to me.

I am (only semi seriously) wondering if I am in the wrong relationship.

DH has announced he’s working from home most of next week, only going into the office on Wednesday.

I am a teacher so I’m off next week for half term. I am now dreading it 😩

It’s really hard to put my finger on what it is. I hate having to be conscious of noise. I don’t even think we’re all that noisy but it’s that awareness. I also kind of feel watched, even though I know I’m not, it’s that feeling.

The children are only young so while they do sort of understand ‘daddy’s working’ it’s still hard for them to really get it.

We do have a lot planned and we’re out for the whole days Mondays & Fridays as they are his ‘usual’ wfh days. But the rest of the week we’re out for the morning and I don’t really want to have them on a carousel of activities all week.

Is it just me?

And it makes no difference where in the house he is, whether he wears noise cancelling headphones or not, it really is just that I don’t like him working from home. I can sort of tolerate it a couple of times a week but I genuinely think I would be quite depressed if it was every day.

OP posts:
SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 24/05/2026 01:58

Do you have a garden? Perhaps he could get one of those garden rooms that became really popular during the COVID lock down.

I can't think of anything worse than having to pussy foot about,, and walk on egg shells with children because he needs things to be quiet.

Hope you can go get something sorted soon.
👍

NewHere83 · 24/05/2026 01:18

Rules in our house are, it's a home first and foremost. If you choose to work from there, you have to deal with all the usual things that happen in a home, including our toddler being her usual self. If you can't cope with that, go into the office.

HelicoPie · 24/05/2026 00:44

Is he working from home to get to see the kids a bit/not have to commute? In my family I’m the one with the office job and less time off in school holidays. I jump at every chance to get any extra time with the kids and can feel quite sad if I miss out on all the holiday fun because of work. It can be a bit distracting to the kids when they are off and I’m working from home, but it’s just the odd week. Is his office (and work) likely quieter this week with half term so he’s wanting to see you all a bit more (or take the opportunity for shorter more relaxed days)?

Your post is confusing me because I get it can be a bit annoying but if your reaction is thinking of leaving sounds like a whole lot else isn’t working.

mumumental · 23/05/2026 23:29

If you work from home and have small children, it’s imperative to be invisible to them, or they get upset or want to play.

TheHonestGoose · 23/05/2026 22:03

I totally get it op, I cant put my finger on it either when my partner is working from home. Thankfully it's not the norm. I want the place to myself. I work nights and I want to come home to a quiet and empty house. I know it sounds a bit selfish, and I'm glad I dont have children to think about now. We do joke about it, and I cant wait for him to be back out to work for the full week.

Lollipop81 · 23/05/2026 19:40

I would definitely feel the same way.

Lollipop81 · 23/05/2026 19:40

EasilyPleased · 23/05/2026 08:46

Is he not taking even a day off for half term?

We don’t all have endless annual leave that we can use every school holiday. I get 25 days I have to take 10 to cover Christmas as no holiday clubs and am left with 15 to cover the rest, most of which goes on summer holidays. Would be lovely to be able to take leave every school holiday.

Original poster
birdsinginthemorning · 23/05/2026 17:29

MxCactus · 23/05/2026 17:10

How big is your house OP? If it's small I can see it might be an issue as you're on top of eachother - otherwise no I don't really understand, I love my DP working from home when he does

You might not but plenty of people do. I know that sounds a bit snarky and it isn’t intended that way, it’s just that it’s not unusual.

A lot of people have identified similar feelings to me and frustrations - the popping down and getting the kids wound up, the mess, the not being able to ask for help but he’s physically there. It does make a difference with the best will in the world.

I can see that if your partner has a job that’s really, really flexible and they literally can tune in and out or are exceptionally hands on and involved and schedule time to give you breaks / spend time with children then it might work. But even then on balance I’d probably prefer to just get on with things myself.

OP posts:
MxCactus · 23/05/2026 17:10

How big is your house OP? If it's small I can see it might be an issue as you're on top of eachother - otherwise no I don't really understand, I love my DP working from home when he does

ForWarmViewer · 23/05/2026 16:55

I totally get it. My DH can pick & choose when he WFH and I hate if he WFH on the days I am at home with DC. It's the there & not there feeling like coming down, getting them excited then announcing "I have to work" when they start fighting!! Not being able to ask him to watch them for a few mins as he's working despite being physically in the house. Or having to have food in for him as otherwise he'd eat/drink at work.

Periperi2025 · 23/05/2026 16:54

My exH working from home was a big factor in our divorce. He became a recluse, i found it oppressive, i rarely had the house to myself, couldn't parent DD without him popping down and interfering. It was miserable. I would never live with someone who wfh full-time again.

Happyhettie · 23/05/2026 16:53

My DH works from home and I’m a teacher. I miss having days at home by myself when he’s at work. One very rainy summer holiday I binged watched Game of Thrones over a number of days without any interruptions or someone asking me what I was doing or why I was doing something. It was brilliant. I really wish he had to go back to the office full time!

SillyQuail · 23/05/2026 16:45

My DH starred a new job recently that's mostly remote with 3 days per month onsite. I much preferred when he had 3 office days per week if I'm honest. I feel like the DC are a lot more irritable/excitable when he's in the house and constantly want his attention whereas when he's not there they don't think about him. I normally try to take them out for at least the morning, and to be fair to DH if they're going to be at home all day because they or I am unwell or the weather's terrible he does go and work elsewhere for at least part of the day.

Sunshinetime199 · 23/05/2026 16:40

Mine can’t ever work from home and I would feel exactly the same. Im generally against working from home and find it wierd having a parent trying to work whilst you’re in downtime mode. Even getting the kids out the door for days out, there will be noise of packing things up etc, it would really put me on edge (unless your DH is shut away somewhere he can’t hear a thing).

More sensible he goes to the office in Half-term if he’s working normal hours.

Beachforever · 23/05/2026 16:26

thesealion · 23/05/2026 11:17

This is completely hypocritical given you WFH. What if he said “I’m working from home today so you need to go somewhere else”. You wouldn’t like that, would you!

Show quote history

It’s not hypocritical as I don’t have an office to go to. My company is 100% wfh and we knew that when I took the job.

That said, it’s his house too so he is entitled to be here as much as he wants, as I said in a previous post.

I’ve never told him I don’t want him here as it would probably hurt his feelings and to be honest, most of the time he isn’t here. I think he thinks he’s doing me a favour wfh to give me some company. But I love having the house to myself.

Vivienne1000 · 23/05/2026 16:16

Fluffybuns88 · 23/05/2026 08:56

We both work from home and also home educate, whilst there's a lot of pros to our lifestyle theirs also a lot of cons.

It's a constant battle to find balance, if my husband is in a meeting we can't run around being noisy, there's a constant feeling of being perceived, he'll come down and help out with chores which throws my day off etc, there zero free flow because I'm constantly aware of him working.

We make it work because it gives us so much flexibility but it's hard work.

Genuine question. How can you work and educate at the same time?

TheIceBear · 23/05/2026 16:07

birdsinginthemorning · 23/05/2026 15:36

Totally, I’m often grateful I didn’t marry another teacher.

I do think it’s something you either get or you don’t, it isn’t ‘odd’, just probably depends on your personality and your daily life. A lot of people do get it which I’m grateful for!

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Oh I do get it . It’s brilliant but at the same time irritating in some ways

AnneElliott · 23/05/2026 16:01

I get you op. H works from home now nearly 100% and so I very rarely get the house to myself - and I really miss it. If he ever goes out on a work day, I rearrange my entire week so I can wfh on my own in the house!

EmeraldShamrock000 · 23/05/2026 15:59

Elbreth · 23/05/2026 12:53

I quite like DH wfh but it does annoy me that he'll come out to get a coffee whatever, 3 year old will ask for something and he'll be like "no I can't sorry, I'm not actually here." Stay in your fucking office then and go without your coffee instead of disrupting us!

😅 So dramatic. I’d lock him in the office.

RedToothBrush · 23/05/2026 15:53

ladyrinths · 23/05/2026 11:00

Its like the feeling of if he goes away for the night and you can just dump the plates on the table until the morning knowing it doesn't affect anyone else and watch whatever you like without having to ask what he'd like and find a happy compromise - but on steroids. It's that kind of freedom. He hasn't asked or expected those things normally but it's basic none selfishness.

I genuinely don’t understand this. Why would you not dump the plates if he was there?
If we want to watch different things we watch separately

Well that's your lack of ability to work out then.

RedToothBrush · 23/05/2026 15:51

Nesbi · 23/05/2026 13:03

Given the OP has said several times that he has never made any complaint whatsoever about noise, I would definitely take the advice of the posters who say you should aggressively tell him that he mustn’t complain, whilst turning the tv up and being as loud as possible.

I suspect a lot of people who hate their husbands WFH are just cross that they can’t pretend to have been stressed and super busy all day when they’ve really just been having leisurely baths and watching Homes Under the Hammer.

Wow. Jealous much. That's pretty snarky and stereotyping.

Homes under the Hammer is fucking awful.

Besides why would you watch it when you have TV on demand at your finger tips? It's not the 2010s anymore.

Cyclingmummy1 · 23/05/2026 15:48

iniati · 23/05/2026 14:18

For the same reason you take days off in half term - to spend time with his children?

Doesn't need to be every half term, same as I don't take every half term off but it's a bit sad that it's incomprehensible to you that a father might take some time off in half term

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It's not incomprehensible and I'm definitely not 'sad' it just seems a waste. I'm a teacher, like the OP, therefore I'm off. DH has far fewer days AL so it makes more sense to save them for hollidays and events.

A bit odd that you've been rude in your response then said that you aren't off every half term either.

Original poster
birdsinginthemorning · 23/05/2026 15:36

TheIceBear · 23/05/2026 13:09

I get your points but at the same time I find my dh working from home handy like if my older dc is sick he can go collect him while I’m miles away at the office and that sort of thing . I mean with older dc you can still get work done from home in an emergency and throw on a cartoon for something , it’s not ideal I know but it’s great to have a little flexibility. Like 2 teachers for example would have zero flexibility.

Totally, I’m often grateful I didn’t marry another teacher.

I do think it’s something you either get or you don’t, it isn’t ‘odd’, just probably depends on your personality and your daily life. A lot of people do get it which I’m grateful for!

OP posts:
iniati · 23/05/2026 14:18

Cyclingmummy1 · 23/05/2026 12:33

I've noticed that he is, but why would you expect him to? I can't remember DH taking many days during half terms.

Show quote history

For the same reason you take days off in half term - to spend time with his children?

Doesn't need to be every half term, same as I don't take every half term off but it's a bit sad that it's incomprehensible to you that a father might take some time off in half term

Kokonimater · 23/05/2026 13:30

Did you have quite authoritarian parents?
it sounds like your inner voice is sort of hyper sensitive to being watched or heard.

the way through this is lots of self reassurance that you’re ‘allowed’ to be yourself.