‘We’re so lucky that my husband can work from home’ - AIBU?

I hate DH working from home - fortunately it doesn’t happen much. And I am a massive hypocrite because I work from home 3/5 days.

Totally relate to feelings of being scrutinised even though he absolutely doesn’t

I get it and there’s only the 2 of us. I wfh on a Thursday because he wfh on a Friday. In Covid it worked as he was upstairs in an office space, but he now prefers to work downstairs in the kitchen. I’m planning to drop a day a week next year leading up to retirement and would ideally like it to be Friday, but I know I’ll feel ‘policed’ as to what I’m up to, given ‘jobs’ … when I might want to fuck about and watch homes under the hammer or whatever.

And he’ll say it’s fine I'm in the kitchen while he’s working but it’s not relaxing for me! Anyway it’s making me rethink my dropping to 4 days plan….

I do get that, when I’m alone at home it is kind of refreshing as it so rarely happens. It’s a shame you find it so suffocating. Could you ask him to go in to the office on one of the other days and say you have some loud activities planned and don’t want to have to be mindful of noise?

I wonder if part of it for you is that you're a teacher so you aren't often in the house on your own. I think I would find that very hard.

I don't mind if DH is WFH some days when I am off with the kids - but sometimes I am the one WFH while he is looking after the kids and in term time, I get the house to myself WFH a day or two a week as well

@birdsinginthemorning is it not just the difference between expectations and reality. You're a teacher, you've longed for the (relative) peace of half term and had your routine including down time planned out.

Now DH has decided he wants to work from home, it's disrupted that and you feel you have to shift your norms in accordance with things that will suit him, and it's likely to result in more work (eg kids questioning).

I was fuming when my DHs office closed in August last year. I like the break from him. Can you not ask him to go in? Point out Aircon maybe 🤣 or that you will be in the garden etc.

As long as he doesn't complain about the noise. His fault for choosing to WFH when his family are on holiday.

Or.... Maybe he has a quiet schedule next week, and that's why he's not going into the office?

I hate DH working from home. Which is hypocritical, as I run my own buisness from home.

But he has meetings, a liking for heavy metal, and just spreads all over the living room.

And then when teens get home at 3pm, yhey cant chill out downstairs.

He’s not complaining about noise. She’s not said he makes it a problem, just that she feels like it’s is

Id be annoyed by that. Yes its his house too, to live in, he has an office to work in. I would ask him to please go into the office the days you planned to be at home with the kids over half term, unless he planning to take days off to help out too. Completely unreasonable and selfish to turn your home into an office when you have young kids at home all week.

Or he could buy himself noise cancelling headphones?

The first time he huffs or puffs tell him to go and work in the office if he doesn't like it, it is your and the kids home too.

I get it. Home isn’t just home when it’s a workplace too. I used to wish I could work from home when mine were small to manage the logistics better, but the actual working at home part, it mixes up the space, makes me feel like I am always at work, and it’s just the same when it’s DH at home. I do think the flexibility is helpful, but I’d also be frustrated in your shoes at the “announcement” part of this interaction, and the assumption you should be happy about it

Thats just being nasty. Fair enough not to go out or shush the dc all the time but its his house too.

I like having the house to myself as much as the next person but I do find it weird that his precense makes you feel watched and in edge almost, as he’s not complaining about noise, when my DW is home, I feel completely at ease even if she’s working and I’m not, I just take myself to a different room and we eat lunch together and check in throughout the day. Do you feel like this when he’s not working?

Sorry posted too soon. I think it’s husband that needs to manage expectations or go into the office.

DH isn't. The guilt tripping intentions of that post aren't cool. We had two weeks away at Easter. DH only has so much holiday and a single day off is a bit of a waste when he has other things it's better to use that for so we can spend more quality time together.

I dislike going and doing stuff with DS to get out of DHs hair during holidays he has to work because this also feels like he's missing out whilst we have fun. But really it's just reality.

And tbh I also think it'd be suffocating if DH took off time EVERY holiday.

We both work from home and also home educate, whilst there's a lot of pros to our lifestyle theirs also a lot of cons.

It's a constant battle to find balance, if my husband is in a meeting we can't run around being noisy, there's a constant feeling of being perceived, he'll come down and help out with chores which throws my day off etc, there zero free flow because I'm constantly aware of him working.

We make it work because it gives us so much flexibility but it's hard work.

Background noise is fine! I wfh full time and always say that I’m working from home but it’s the holidays. And make it clear I’m not the one actually doing the parenting - my husband is (we tend to take half the holidays each or a bit of kids club here and there).

It's not just you.

DH works from home and it changes the atmosphere in the house. I can't fully just relax and not worry about it. There's no moments of just having fun without worrying about disturbing him. It means having friends you are conscious of this. I'm fine with DS having certain friends around but others are problematic because they DO disturb DH and that results in telling off.

His work is always THERE. At times it very much intrudes on everyday life because 'i just need to do this'. Other times it's great because it means DH is there. It means DH can be working into the early hours on occasions but at others it's very much screw work, I've done enough already this week I'm finishing early.

If you don't live this, it's very easy to see all the good stuff and none of the negatives.

I get what you mean @birdsinginthemorning. It just totally changes the dynamic, it would annoy me too, and maybe that tells me I’m in the wrong relationship too!

Why would he take a day off for half term?

OP I think just crack on as normal,if it's too noisy he can go into the office .