‘We’re so lucky that my husband can work from home’ - AIBU?

I literally could’ve written this myself! Since Covid my husband who owns his own business has worked from home probably 90% of the time and much as I love him, I absolutely hate this! We are fortunate enough that he has an office in the house which he does stay in most of the day, but it’s the feeling of being watched and having to explain every time I pop out where I’m going or feeling I can’t do the housework because I’m making too much noise. And just the feeling of the dynamics being different in the house when I am not alone. I love my own company and enjoy the peace and quiet of having the house to myself.

@LittleBearPad Most people equally value their marriage. It's a real pity if you perceive child-free time with your husband as "not liking" your children.

You’re very funny - you’ve developed quite the story about me haven’t you?

Take time off when you like - given you don’t get paid and thought it possible to take 13 weeks I imagine you can take as much as you like.

Most people don’t have that opportunity, like their children and so use their annual leave in school holidays.

@LittleBearPad I think it's very important to find some time in a marriage for each other without children. It's actually doing your family a favour if you think about it.

I didn’t take annual leave when my children were small except in school holidays with the exception of a couple of days when I was 40, no.

I still use the vast majority of my annual leave for school holidays - so perhaps one day off outside of school holidays now. My husband does the same.

You have chosen to become a (presumably) self employed tutor otherwise you’d also get holiday pay. The upside is you get to take term time holiday. The downside is you don’t get paid - your choice.

@LittleBearPad Exactly. I am saying your holiday is paid - not all of us have that benefit.
I also have a young child..
Do you ever have time apart from your children (when not at work) at all?

What on earth are you going on about?

My holiday is paid. My husband's holiday is paid. When the children were younger we would take three weeks together.

We then took two weeks separately to maximise the school holiday cover. I.e. 7 weeks of half terms and holidays were covered. The other 6 weeks needed childcare.

This is very typical for people with young children. They don’t take holiday outside school holidays, 1, because they like their children and want to see them and 2, to reduce the cost of holiday childcare.

I wfh full time and hope DH doesn’t resent me! I don’t make anyone be quiet though

@LittleBearPad Tbh I'd personally rather be working for at least some of the holidays as 13 weeks is a lot of time with no pay.

@LittleBearPad Is childcare not an option at all?

You’re very funny. DH did the same and we took three weeks together. There are 13 weeks of school holiday.

Yes he did the same for two weeks and we had three weeks off together with the children.

@LittleBearPad @BatchCookBabe
Well more fool the woman who has a husband taking no AL in school holidays but agrees to using all of hers!! Just no.

I think I would correct that to 'every working mother.' IME men don't sacrifice ANYthing.

When my DH applied for several work from home jobs not long back, he said 'I can't wait to have my little home office right here at the back of the lounge - on my little desk with all my bits on. We'll be office buddies.' (I work from home and have for some years and he has been desperate to do it too.)

I was like I honestly couldn't think of anything worse, and I prayed that he wouldn't get the jobs. (He didn't.)

Oh dear..... My DH is the same, though he doesn't moan as much as he used to.

When he's on nights (like he has been these past 4 days,) he moans about 'noise' in the day when he is trying to sleep! Over the bank holiday weekend he has been griping about the kids in a neighbour's inflatable swimming pool, and kids in the road playing footie, and also people playing music in the garden.

The last few days have been the hottest few May days on record for the UK, and people have been waiting around 7 months for this glorious weather, and they are out enjoying it - with their children. He can't expect everyone to stop what they are doing, and be as quiet as a field mouse because he is on nights. The amount of people who work nights is nowhere near the amount of people who work days, so people who choose to work nights, have to accept that there is going to be some daytime noise.

.

@Lollipop81 Do you ever have child-free time at all? Time just with your partner? I think a little of both is so important.

@LittleBearPad That's rubbish for you 😒 Do you have a partner?

If my DH decides to WFH a day I am at home with the kids, I have no sympathy for him with noise or the kids interrupting him. He has chosen to WFH so therefore is free game to the children. I will obviously try to keep them away from the office but about as much as he tries to keep them downstairs when I am having a lie in.
I also don't change my plans to then be out of he is WFH. He knows what days I am out and in (thanks to the joint calendar) so could plan his WFH days when we are out.

All my 25 days of AL was taken in school holidays. It’s not only teachers who swap work for child care and get no holiday to themselves. It’s pretty much every working parent.

I think this is such an odd way of looking at it. I get 25 days a year, all booked off in the school holidays when my children are off. To me it is holiday I am spending time with my kids.

I hate when Dh wfh too, it's a room out of bounds and I feel he might judge me for things I do on my day off, like watch tv and eat crisps when it's sunny outside. It's handy for deliveries or to get a wash hung out when I'm working. He hates when im home on his wfh day too, my presence annoys him. I'm off for the summer with kids and dh usually works in his workplace FT then. Our home isn't a work place, I know some people love it but for me once a week would be enough if not too much

This is pertinent to me because my husband just today yelled at me because I was talking on the phone too loud to my friend and it was disturbing his work. Which, he plants himself in the middle of the house to work. He works very long hours and finds the commute really hard, so he loves to work from home, as it gives him an extra couple of hours of free time in his day. So I feel sympathy for him and I want him to have those free hours. But it bothers me that I can't talk to my friends on the phone in my own house.

As a (now ex) primary teacher with a little one of my own I get it. Your "space" is rarely really your own.
People often say of teachers "Ah you're so lucky to get so much holiday" but... is it really a "holiday" when you are off looking after little ones of your own?
A lot of the time it just feels like you are swapping one role for another, and the reality is you don't get much quality break at all. Obviously you can't book off any time when your own children are at school because so are you.
If someone said to you "I'm a SAHM to x small children," who would reply "Ah you're so lucky to get so much holiday!"?
I now tutor after 20-something years in primary teaching and actually went on a proper adult-only holiday for a few days just gone with my husband...in term-time! First in my 45 years!! I had genuinely forgotten how to properly relax - felt so weird (but good!)