Is a tidy ordered house really that important?

Honestly I think some people just say stuff about others because they can’t think of anything interesting to say to each other. I am so annoyed on your behalf. Our house is a complete tip at the moment for reasons less significant than yours. You don’t owe anyone explanations. Hold your head up high, you are doing a brilliant job of juggling many difficult things and only fools would have conversations about perceived mess rather than being supportive friends.
Do take care of yourself though and make sure you have time for you and some self care whatever form that might take.
Best wishes.

Don't ever be ashamed of your home, sounds a busy happy home with the kids and all. Ah, school mum gossips. They're not friends, you'll not see them again when the kids make their own way to school when they're older.. and they must be unhappy gits that they need to put someone down in order to feel good.

Go easy OP, live your life how you see fit and smile.

this. its sounds like a bunch of kids. The other thing to point out is that sometimes comments like this are made to make the commenter feel better about themselves. Either way get better friends.

Kids make a mess of things in 2.5 seconds. My house is not cluttered because we don't have that much stuff relative to the size of the house, but the stuff we DO have they like to move from its place and dump in middle of the floor/ on coffee table/ sides/ everywhere... it gets picked up but not as fast as they mess it up again. I refuse to walk around after them constantly tidying. As your youngest is 5 it will probably get a bit easier soon.

The hurt of being gossiped about is another thing, I'm sorry about that OP. Mean of them.

Some people are srseholes. Ignore them. If they want to soend every waking hour polishing their silverware in case a visitor comes then let them. You have other priorities. It doesnt sound like you are living in a filthy hell hole where social services need to come round so dont worry about it.

I have one or two mum friends with lived in houses who are rushed off their feet, and my own house gets a bit chaotic sometimes. I'd never dream of having that sort of conversation with other people. They don't sound very nice and it's probably just a couple of people that you could weed out of your friend list!

Sounds like person a is a bitch who is losing friends fast. Join them, and dont take to heart what one nasty person says. That type of behaviour is always a reflection of their own insecurities and says a lot more about them then it does you.

Objectively this is hurtful so it's ok to feel hurt. Obviously it's not necessary to change your habits for judgemental twats either.

I grew up in a really chaotic and disgusting home and I find it really difficult to stay on top of this stuff, but I will say that I 100% know that living in a messy house as a kid means I can think creatively and extemporise better than most people I know. How are you supposed to know that a teaspoon will function as a Lego figure catapult, for example, if the 2 are not found in close proximity?

How did you find out about this gossip?

If you have very firm evidence of the person / people who said it, I’d confront them:

’Hi Jane, heard what you said to Jo about my home.. this can’t be true. Did you actually say that? Maybe best I don’t invite you inside it again! Have a lovely day.’

I find it best, when being passive aggressive, to be extra smiley and breezy as it totally floors the offender.

Don't waste any more mental energy on this, OP. Some people have empty, pointless lives which they fill with nasty, judgemental gossip about other people. Their opinions are not worthy of your attention or concern.

I'm sure your house is fine. As long as it isn't a health hazard, and it definitely doesn't sound like it is, then the question of how tidy it is really doesn't matter. There are so many things which are so much more important.

My lovely mum, who I'm pretty certain had undiagnosed adhd, spent a lifetime worrying about her messy house. She always planned to get on top of it but never quite managed it. She was still talking about how she was going to sort things out days before she died. I wish she had realised that nobody actually cared about the mess. The qualities that made her special and loveable and unique were far more important than any amount of untidiness. It simply didn't matter.

I'm also notoriously bad at keeping a tidy house (ADHD), grew up in a home that was clean but very cluttered. I do believe that a tidy home is a positive factor for good mental health as you brain doesn't have to take in and deal with all the clutter all the time. I think if you have children, you owe it to them to give them a somewhat pleasant environment to grow up in. I think on the a long run, it makes a big difference to their MH as well.

But at the same time, a tidy home is so time consuming it's almost impossible to maintain at all time. It's comparable to knowing that being slim and very sporty is the "ideal" state of your body. Everyone knows that is true but very few can maintain it. However it's always better to strive for that ideal than constantly arguing that the opposite is acceptable, because it's obviously not from a medical perspective.

At some point it's also about modelling healthy behaviour and living standards to your children. Children can see if their parents never do sport or grossly overweight or eat unhealthily and chances are much higher they will end up finding that acceptable too. Same for home standards, they can see if the home gets regularly decluttered or if you have a regular cleaner to do the vital tasks. I would also argue that a cleaner isn't a luxury but a necessity for people who cannot tidy due to ND or lack of time.

Insulting not only your home but calling you a scruff too? Are they aware you know that they’ve been talking about you? I would ignore them from now on

I do prefer to have a very tidy home and I hate loads of clutter BUT this I do for my own mental health. I feel happier and more positive when my house is like this. I get very overwhelmed and negative when my house becomes a chaotic mess ( which it does sometimes!)
maybe it’s a control mechanism for me but I have plenty of friends who don’t live like me and homes are far messier and I really don’t care at all! It’s their house and their life and i would never judge.
on the flip side please remember I have encountered the same issue as you but because my house is very tidy and people have judged me for it. This is all very upsetting because like I say, it’s my choice and I do it for nobody else but myself! Bloody narrow mindedness!

Sorry this happened

bur honestly I imagine there is an issue if a few people agree there is and are too scared to tell you face to face

Clutter is a problem. It causes a dirty, stressful environment and can lead to unwanted pests. Many children find mess very stressful and watching shows like Stacy Solomon’s it leads to them not enjoying or being able to relax at hone

kindly I suggest you spend the bank hol doing a clear out, and your children can help fill the black bags and charity bags ans take things to shop or tip. This is good life management.

i have 3 children and regularly (every weekend) sort our drawers, xupboards. Clothes. Shoes. Kitchen items (eg chipped cups , stained table cloths) and deep clean items eg bin, hoover sofas, clean fridge drawers.

this is a wake up call. Good luck!

I like my home tidy and to have a place for everything - it makes me feel stressed when there's stuff everywhere all of the time! But we get toys out, do baking/cooking, things do get messy... then we sort it out again. That's what works for me. It's none of my business how other people like their homes, especially when you're talking about tidyness rather than cleanliness! That conversation says way more about them than about you OP. As long as you and your family are happy, ignore.

Not sure how helpful this is but it is probably one mean person saying it but once she has expressed the opinion that your house is not up to scratch people hearing it either agree with her probably thinking you will never know or challenge her, therefore letting mean one know that they aren't up to her standards either.

So probably your 'friends' are one mean person and a bunch of wimps.

HTH @Shokupanman

It sounds objectively cleaner than my place! I find too much clutter gets mentally draining, but honestly if I knew I’d find a cup of tea, a squishy sofa and a hug at your place I wouldn’t care if there were toys all over. One of my friends houses is a bit chaotic like that and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest, it’s got better as the kids have got older, but it’s always clean, it’s just very lived in! But I’ve always felt able to relax there.

Someone's house would have to be super bad before I thought they were scruffy, even then it would be a thought and not a vocal opinion.

On the other side of the coin, I feel really uncomfortable in people's houses who are minimal and clinically clean, I'd much prefer to be in someone's house where there's washing hanging up or toys and trinkets out.

Poor you! Absolutely ignore. Keeping on top of household chores and tidying as a parent is a constant - and boring (!) battle. They are being unkind.

This is an excellent post and is the truth.

I need a pretty tidy home because of my own issues and they are issues, but I don’t sit there faux bitching about my mates who live differently which I have plenty because it is normal for busy modern lives.

You can almost imagine this coming from one woman with her own issues, like the PP’s not nice aunt, and the others just inappropriately enjoying the random gossip because most people just don’t give a shit about this type of stuff.

My house isn’t a show home and there are times I have been embarrassed when people turned up unexpectedly. You will however always get a warm welcome , tea or coffee and a biscuit or cake . I was quite cheered when a friend said how relaxed she feels at my house . Ignore the comments OP you are doing a great job x

There is a price to be paid for having a spotless home.
It is not a relaxing place to live in. But an uptight one.

Adverts, internet and magazines all show spotless homes. They aren’t realistic.
Some people do live like that. But at a price.

A tidy ordered house is important..to me. So I keep it tidy and ordered (yes I work full-time).

However, your house sounds clean (personally I would attend to the bathroom more than once a week/fortnight, that sounds like it could be on the grotty side by the time you get around to cleaning it) just gets messy with the kids toys through the day? As long as someone's house is clean, rubbish isn't strewn across the floor and there is room to sit etc then live and let live.

My only question is if you are being truthful with yourself about your living conditions? Usually for people to be commenting on the state of someone's home it is worse than the person living there realises and I don't want to blab on about the bathroom but up to two weeks between cleans in a family home doesn't sound particularly clean to me.

If you only clean your bathroom once a fortnight if you’re busy, that does suggest your standards are lower than just a bit messy…

Be safe in the knowledge that you have learned about those people- that they are twats!!