Is a tidy ordered house really that important?

And a lived in house cannot be tidy AND loved?

I don't understand people who have to tidy up for guests. If you are not comfortable with the state of your home, why do you put up with it and stop your own enjoyment? Your peace in the house is more important that guests visiting for 1 hour?

Those are not friends ! Next time they breed anything block them

I'm single and work from home, but even if I did have more time for cleaning I wouldn't want to do it. I have hobbies I enjoy and would rather be doing them. I make sure the dishwasher is filled regularly as soon as anything is dirty and keep the counters clean in the kitchen where I prep and cook food, but apart from that I don't mind a bit of clutter. I always have some stuff to hand on tables and the settee at the side of me, but I can clear them if guests do come.

It's important to me for my mental health but that's a personal preference. Its high up my list of priorities because a messy house gets me down, the cars, garage and garden are a shambles though.

The only person/people I'm judging is them. What a pack of bitches. Id love to be invited round and don't give a shit what your house looks like.

I think your 'friends' were mean. I'd ignore them.

However, as your kids are 5 and 8, they are old enough now to have most of their toys in their bedrooms and only bring down a few things to play with.

We just have a lot of stuff so there is clutter and the living room gets messy.

When mine were that age the living room was pretty much toy-free except for maybe one toy box and reading books etc. Rest was in their rooms and they were at school all day anyway.

It's never too early to teach them to be tidy and clear their stuff away. Or have a de-clutter and give stuff to the charity shops or PTA sales, or whoever might appreciate it.

Have you got the space to store toys and only bring out what they want to play with that day?

This isn't about appeasing other mums, but for your own sanity!
I can't bear loads of stuff in rooms, but that's me!

Have you heard of comparing your insides with other people’s outsides don’t punish yourself for being human nobody lives in a “show-home “

They are just looking for something to nit pick at.
If that's the worst anyone can say about you, you are doing great

Try not to take it to heart. If I step into someone's home and there is animal poo, cigarette butt's and mouldering food and rubbish everywhere then yes that is disgusting and would also make me seriously consider some sort of mental health issue. If I have to move some kids toys or a cat to sit on the sofa or there's a bit of washing up left from the night before then that's normal! Homes should feel lived in but not filthy. I'm sure yours is fine and your mum friends are just gossiping for lack of any other entertainment.

When I was young I was fascinated by the offence of "Keeping a disorderly house". Could your house really be so untidy that they'd arrest you for it? Better put my toys away then. Then when I was a little older I found out what it really meant.

I remember overhearing a group of mums talking to each other and they were talking about the most inane crap. Then one of them says (in a very thick Australian - ocker accent) “I know my house is clean - I cleaned it today!”

These women had nothing better to talk about than their clean houses!

That being said - I wouldn’t invite anyone to my house without cleaning it first.

I don't get comments like this - do you really believe tidy homes aren't just as loved?

If it helps my house is an armpit! We are clean but v untidy! A lived in house is a loved house

They sound bloody awful. You however sound great!

Ignore them.

People do though. I had a school mum friend who was a physics teacher and head of science. She told me once that if she had to give up her career she would become a cleaner as she loved cleaning!

Well, since you asked, yes, I do care, and I do think less of people who look like scruffs and live in 'stys. I wouldn't tell them that unless they asked. If they asked - I would. And I wouldn't gossip behind their backs, that's low and bitchy, I'd rather tell them to their face if needed.

I don't buy the excuses. You (general you, not just the OP) just can't be arsed. So own it, it's ok, your house, your appearance, your business. Now 'mum's sick, dog's dying, ADHD, whatever, whatever, yadda yadda'. I mean, most people have problems and issues. I'm a single mother, have a full-time job, have a couple of health issues, and other stuff. Nothing unique about that. You either want to live like a normal person in a tidy house, and respect yourself enough not to dress like a vagrant or like you gave up in life, or not. I do.

Secondly - and here I make my most controversial point - ime very tidy homes tend to be the preserve of the not very well-educated. It's as if tidying up is the kind of intellectual gear they function best in. They tend not to have possessions that pertain to their studies or interests, eg books, furniture from certain periods of historic interest, paintings of certain styles of art. Usually there is a biiiiiiig tv centre stage. That's fine if that's their thing, and if they are happy living that way, but they shouldn't consider it morally superior. People are just different, with different priorities, differnt backgrounds. That's what makes a world and you shouldn't be afraid to occupy the part it you you fit best in

This is the funniest thing I have read on here in awhile.

I would unpick it, but I cannot be arsed.

OP, they aren't nice people. The term 'scruffs' transports me back to the 90s... A daft term that the houseproud set, employ.

Live your life outside of such ridiculous judgements.

I have adhd, 2 kids under 4, a dog, a husband that also has adhd and a full time job. I really struggle to keep on top of the housework and when I do, I litterally turn my back for a second and someone else in my household has made a huge mess again. It’s definitely far from perfect.
That said, I do make sure it’s clean and tidy if I’ve got guests coming round because unfortunately I do care what others think.
These women sound like bitchy mean girls though and probably not worth friends keeping if that’s all they have to talk about.
Sorry you’ve been hurt by them x

Its all a conspiracy to stop women doing things that might matter: earning money, making art, learning something new.

Maybe - I don't disagree entirely.

But you could also say there is a dismissal and devaluation of the housework many women do because it is necessary for a family to live reasonably and happily. Its a bit like the Martha and Mary story in the bible. yeah Mary chose the better part of learning etc. But I bet no one there refused the food that Martha produced. They just ate it and instead of saying thank you you did something very valuable there, they treated her with contempt. While expecting another meal when the next mealtime rolls around.

Who decides what is important. What is important to me, may not be important to you.

It’s not up to anyone to decide that a dusty home is a ’better’ home, and that the people in it live their life more fully.
Or that a clean home is waste of time. It’s up to the people who live there.

Sometimes it’s even the ability to just tidy as you go and therefore not having to spend much time cleaning at all. The ability to just do what to some people seem like a huge task - to even put a washing on. So it’s much easier to say that cleaning is a waste of time. Which is fair enough.

It’s pointless comparing.

Yessss!

Its all a conspiracy to stop women doing things that might matter: earning money, making art, learning something new.

I get the importance of order and tidiness for posters’ peace of mind. I like to wax and polish all my antique furniture every now and again as the order, beauty of the polished wood, and the scent is very calming. And running the dishwasher at night to wake up to gleaming clean china is lovely!

But there’s no virtue in any of this, and it does get in the way of doing real things.

Wow they are biatches!!

OP can afford a deep clean? Still about £20 an hour. I had a five bedroom house done for £250. It's amazing. I had been ill for two years and although my adult DC and DH did clean it wasn't great. One friend who's hardly tidy herself asked me if I'd decluttered ( we were putting our house up for sale). I was really hurt. However I put a shout out on Bark and had plenty of response. I'm not getting upset each morning trying to bend down. If you're working it's worth it. Your dh can pay half.
Tell the mummy Mafia you have staff, you're too busy in your profession.

@PetrolKoala
Totally agree with this, after I spend a day cleaning, then the children will come along and leave their things lying around.

Wrong thread, sorry. Trying, but can’t delete the image. Just ignore me.

I couldn’t give a shit what anybody thinks of my house. If they don’t like it they don’t have to visit. Mine sounds just like yours. The woman bitching about you is nothing to do with you. What she said says nothing about you and everything about her, and who she is as a person. These people can’t help themselves. Console yourself with the fact that the five minutes she spent bitching about you was 5 minutes she didn’t spend bitching about some other poor sod.