Is a tidy ordered house really that important?

Maybe no-one actually said that about your home at all. Person C could have made it up. I’d forget about it.

Honestly, these people are the ‘school gate brigade’ and definitely not friendship material so please do not let what they say get to you. You deserve much better than them.

The reason these judgy mums homes are tidier than yours OP, is because their kids are creating your mess! Stuff em

They're being incredibly shallow and thoughtless . Ignore.

Honestly you’re doing 1000x better than me. I regularly worry about the state of my house but there are not enough hours in the day!

I think (ironically) people have misunderstood the points about a correlation between tidy homes and being dim.

Of course it isn't dim to have a clean, tidy home. Nothing dim about getting someone to come in and clean it and equally keeping a house decent need not be a herculean task.

But what is a bit small-minded is when it turns into a preoccupation - and it becomes the sort of thing that you talk about at school gates, or, indeed, the people come on these threads to post "neighbour has piles of unwashed laundry in her utility room. AIBU to suspect MH issues?"

IME the sorts of people who bother to comment on other people's homes being messy tend to be the types who have very spartan homes devoid of much evidence of interests. That isn't to say you cannot have a lot of interests and education and a full life and still have a clean home; but to find yourself wanting to gossip about it moves it into a different category. And there ARE people who would turn down an invitation because they need to wax the wooden floors.

Always good to attack SAHMs when you get the chance - the irony.

It equally doesn’t make you dim to have a messy lived in house

Or, it suggests that you have far too much time on your hands and are one of the snobs she is talking about

I have 6 dogs and a house permanently covered in dog hair. People don’t like it? Don’t come. You are not my people anyway. Fuck them. Snobs

Hi OP you sound like a very normal lady with a happy family, ignore what those stupid others say, enjoy your life happiness is more important. Keep smiling

if these women are happy enough to let their children go to your house then your house can’t be that bad! or they have massive double standards. either way they sound like a bunch of horrors who should be avoided and definitely not invited round again.

Your home sounds absolutely normal. You have a family and there are toys etc. It’s clean and tidied daily. You have a career. School mums behaving like toddlers shouldn’t bother you. You are worth more.

They are not friends are they?
We are all different, that’s what makes the world tick. Some of us are extremely tidy, some messy and the majority fit somewhere in between.
If they are going to judge, don’t let them into your home. It’s just not worth it

I've always believed that I go to people's home to visit them, not to inspect how they keep house.
Ignore the judgemental morons, they are not walking in your shoes. 💐

Carry on regardless. It's your home and your have a lot on your plate with your family and mum. Being tidy is the least of your worries.

Perhaps some of these judgemental women with time on their hands, could come around and help tidy your place up. Maybe couple of times a week.

Keep on trucking.
👍😻X

These women clearly have nothing going on in their lives/brains. I couldn't even start to care about the idle gossip of anyone like this. Neither should you.

Well , their comments would certainly inspire me to start decluttering immediately. Decluttering my ‘ friends’ … because the person who made sure that got to your ears , isn’t one .

I’m sitting at my kitchen table at the moment . It’s got my handbag , a huge glass vase of beautiful smelling stocks , a pile of cookery books that I’ve been thumbing through for inspiration for tomorrow’s lunch , a bag I bought from the farmers market , an open packet of rice crispies from the cakes I was ordered to make by my daughter , and the bottle of gin that didn’t make it back to the drinks cupboard last night . Plus a half finished Lego bouquet , and some gingerbread. Is it cluttered ? Yes . Does it look like a rare and welcome weekend off ? Absolutely. Would I care if people turned up right now ? Couldn’t give a shit . In fact , I’d probably re open the gin .

As long as the house isn’t an actual health hazard , who cares? And I say that as someone who has worked in the emergency services for over 30 years , and went to plenty of places where you wiped your feet on the way out .

Not nice of them to gossip like this, some people latch together and become bitchy groups. Please know for me it I wouldn't care what your house looks like, maybe if it was in inches thick filth, full of dirty stuff, but yours isn't. Mess is fine, it's natural! Xx

I dont care what people think of me. I used to have loads of "friends" but now I just prefer fewer complications. I would WhatsApp the group if there is one. And say that you have heard that people are gossiping about you and lay out the truth mum job kids etc. I wouldnt have them as friends personally but I dont know you.

OP your ‘friends’ were being ridiculous. They have no right to comment on your home in that way unless it’s an environmental health hazard (and doesn’t sound like it is)

But this thread seems to have brought a judgy few out on the opposite side! That tidy homes can’t be lived in or loved or that people who enjoy cleaning are sad and obviously don’t have a life or that tidy people are boring. WTAF!

A house full of love and life isn't spotless all the time. My house is clean but often a little chaotic with extra people, fun activities for the kids and heck knows what else.

And take no notice of the playground behaviour. You sound like a lovely person who has offered support and hospitality to those in need.

In future suggest they go elsewhere if that's how they feel. Please don't stop being your awesome self just because of others.

This post nails it.

Those people sound absolutely vile. We all have different standards of how we like to live, and a lot of us will wish we had the time to do more cleaning and tidying. But in my personal opinion, whats more important is the things that you're doing instead of cleaning/tidying your house i.e spending time with your children, caring for your mom, putting food on the table, showing love to your kids. Those things should always come first, and if your house is a bit untidy in the process then so be it! These judgmental a-holes probably stick their kids in front of the TV all day to get things done and probably always have. They probably don't have high-pressure jobs either.

This is exactly what I was trying to say. You did it a lot more eloquently! The ‘elevating it to some sort of achievement that warrants commenting negatively about others that tends to signal small-mindedness’ is spot on, and exactly my experience of super-tidy people.